[bronzeowl]

Been a while since I've checked in anywhere. I haven't forgotten about the forum, I've just been super busy with schoolwork and helping my sister prepare for Thanksgiving (bah hum bug).

Had an appointment with the psychologist yesterday. Have mixed feelings about it. We talked about what I told the psychiatrist. He asked me why I hadn't told him about the hypo/manic episodes (he used both words at different times, so idk what to call them). I didn't know how to answer. The real answer is that I thought they weren't serious when I'd had them. But I didn't want to admit that. I felt like I should have known, being a psych student. Instead I just said it was a comfort thing. We talked about the diagnosis, the possible one. They're (the docs) in some.. disagreement? I don't know. I feel stuck between disorders and it freaking sucks. Talked about the Lamictal and how it's been going.

And had to do paper work. Chose two goals. I knew that was coming. Was harder to think of two than I thought it'd be. And then we talked more about my up moods. He asked me to explain how they felt. It took a minute, but once I started it was pretty easy. The depression was actually harder to explain. The only thing I could say was 'dark' and 'crash'. Which actually seemed like enough for him...

He seems fixated on my appetite. Makes me nervous. It's hard to be honest about it. Due time. Due time.

Depression comes and goes, but on the bright side it doesn't stick around as long on the lamictal. School is coming close to the last module and right now, I'm counting down the days until my trip to Michigan in December.

All in all, I'm doing okay. You know, comme ci, comme ça.

The sun is shining and I'm noticing and I am feeling ok. Finally sleeping through the night, got up before 9am and not foggy. Got errands to run and movie night out tonight. Things are improving!

[Phoenix_1]

I'm feeling a bit more stable. Still a couch potato, but I am able to go out when I need to. I'm still sleeping a lot, but a lot of that is due to boredom. I increased the lamictal to 50 mg on Friday. I see my pdoc on the 10th and he'll increase it again then.

Every little bit, Phoenix…

Haven't checked in in a number of days. Have not been on PC much. Trying to be Very Helpful with BF's enterprise. Which I have been, though will try to stay out of the communications part, as I seem to have irritated someone despite careful wording and biting my tongue HARD to keep from writing what I was really thinking. Or would that be biting one's fingers if typing? Diplomacy's not my strong suit when someone's making me PO'd. Better stick to the hands-on things.

A leeetle bit perturbed about having been taken a bit to task about a week ago over how I spend (waste) my time, to today having been up 'n' at 'em for hours while BF is still sleeping. After noon. What happened to teaming up and really getting on this enterprise to make it work so that we wouldn't have such a hand-to-mouth existence? I'm holding up my end of the deal struck. I asked for so little. Just makes me sad...

[Cyclowolf]

I was feeling better on my new meds (Seroquel and Pristiq) for about two weeks, but the past two days anxiety seems to have reared It's ugly head again, so I'm hoping It's just because I've had a stressful two days and not the meds already becoming too weak.

[Blue_Bird]

Still very depressed and having hallucinations. Right now it feels like things will never get better. Thankfully I only have today and tomorrow to make it through till I get to see my pdoc.

lots of anxiety today because my parents have got lots of people round for dinner.

sitting here thinking about how i wish all the people sitting round the table outside were dead (really)

good thing my own bedroom door is locked.

[Cyclowolf]

I'm better today, after having a anxiety attack yesterday at a college music recital (I was watching not playing BTW), just soo many people I didn't know. I just couldn't handle the reception after the performance, so I sped walked as fast as I could out of there. Worst of all, all my mom could do was whine about how she never got a cookie, I offered to wait outside on one of many benches, but no. Sorry just needed to get that off my chest.

I guess things are ok. I def have my depression under control, now to get the rest of my issues in check. Gonna be more difficult now.

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[A Red Panda]

Well.

Seeing as I am finding it incredibly difficult to keep my flat clean and organized... and I'm tired and unmotivated... I think it's safe to say that I am STILL IN the damn depression.

Fortunately it's mild, and my mood is greatly improved. Does lamictal do that? Does it change the mood but not any of the other symptoms of the depression???

Still in a bad depression. I cry so much, it's unbelievable. I hate getting up in the morning, and by late afternoon, I just can't wait to go to bed and shut out the world. I just want there to be an end to these feelings (sadness, fear, self-loathing, to name a few).

T tells me to journal and do cognitive restructuring. I don't even try because no matter how well I try to "correct" my irrational thoughts on paper, they're still there in my head. I'm beginning to think my therapy sessions are just a waste of time.

I want a full-time job in hopes that will improve my mood. My husband and I are on the same page about that.

I'm just hurting so much. I just need to share that with you all. I've never been in this bad of a depression, for such a long time. I hate it. Life is so difficult for me right now.

That's all . . .

[anneo59]

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

Well.

Seeing as I am finding it incredibly difficult to keep my flat clean and organized... and I'm tired and unmotivated... I think it's safe to say that I am STILL IN the damn depression.

Fortunately it's mild, and my mood is greatly improved. Does lamictal do that? Does it change the mood but not any of the other symptoms of the depression???

It does help me personally that way, Red Panda. I wish you all the best!

[Alokin]

I am finally accepting my emotions. I never thought I got depressed. My depressions are not debilitating, can't get out of bed, yet they affect my life profoundly. My normal state is living in the "mixed" state, I suppose this alternative is easier for me to navigate. Oh to feel happy, invincible, unstoppable, motivated, even horny. ALIVE.

[Blue_Bird]

Had an appointment with my pdoc today. Depression is improving but hallucinations and paranoia are getting worse. Was prescribed Risperdal and am being taken off of Abilify. Hopefully it helps

[Moreta]

I feel depressed. I guess it's from all the rain. It might also be the fact that nobody has invited us over for thanksgiving. I guess I'll just cook for me and my husband. He doesn't believe in thanksgiving and is fine without celebrating it.

I'm almost done with the bakery. She offered me more money to stay but I'm not going to take it.

[bronzeowl]

Anxiety is through the roof because of Thanksgiving. I should probably call that number my psychologist gave me, but I'm being stubborn. I'm good at doing that. Very temperamental today. I wish I could just go back to sleep and sleep through tomorrow.

At least, other than anxiety, my mood is.. okay. More or less.

[Cyclowolf]

Feeling good today, anxiety seems to be tapering off a little more today. Still sleeping on my new meds, so that's good. Still unsure if my new anxiety med for every day (Hydorxyzine HCL) is working or not. My Pdoc doesn't want me taking Klonopin unless I'm really having a bad day, but I don't think this Hydroxyzine HCL stuff seems to do much.

2 weeks since my last med change I am mostly out of the depression, thank goodness. A good thing because I will have a house full of people Thursday through Monday. Just hope my anxiety doesnt flare up too bad but if it does I will go to my bedroom and take a break when I need to. But today I'm feeling good.

feeling okay. just ashame my christmas lights keep falling down... they look rather nice when they are up. :d

Nothing but happiness and gratitude today - - can't wait to see my family!

[sporster2k7]

I slept pretty good last night.I feeling a little anxious about today,I will be spending the day with my wifes family.

[bumble2u]

wondering what the point is

[Phoenix_1]

I've been on 50 mg of lamictal for 1 week. My mood is better but I'm still sleeping too much and am very unmotivated.

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[Blue_Bird]

I start my new medication (Risperdal) either Saturday or Monday at the latest. I'm not depressed at all anymore I'm just hallucinating, paranoid and very agitated. Wish I wasn't like this on a holiday. I really hope all of that gets better when I'm on the new medicine.

[Cyclowolf]

I'm sleepy, but pretty good all in all today.