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#176
Oct 14, 2013, 04:28 AM
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having a really bad time of it at the moment... with the depression, the anger, the suicidal thoughts.... blah
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 Anonymous37807, Anonymous45023, Blue_Bird
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#177
Oct 14, 2013, 08:13 AM
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One of the hazards of actually going out in public...getting sick. I woke up with a wicked sore throat this morning.
__________________
[COLOR="DeepSkyBlue"][FONT="Century Gothic"]Dx: Bipolar II w/mixed episodes, PTSD, Anxiety Disorder, Insomnia Rx: Lamictal 100mg, Zoloft 75mg, Klonopin 0.5mg x1 /0.25 PRN “Insanity is knowing that what you're doing is completely idiotic, but still, somehow, you just can't stop it.” ― Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation |
| Blue_Bird
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#178
Oct 14, 2013, 08:20 AM
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Having a really hard time with depression today. Don't know what to do with myself. Don't want to die, but finding it so hard to live when most moments are just so emotionally painful. My husband tries to understand but I know he doesn't. No one could understand this hell unless you've been there. Depression since early August - - how much longer can I do this? I guess I have no choice but to hang in, keep taking meds and talking to T and making an effort to engage in activity. This is so hard.
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| Andysmom, Anonymous45023
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#179
Oct 14, 2013, 08:45 AM
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Tried and failed to get up and about today. Daughters in bed for nap, so I've crawled back to bed too. I have to much to do today it's only making me feel crappier.
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~ HEY! I run a site on mental health called The Manic Years. I'm looking for some brave souls to share their own personal encounters with mental health. Are you up for sharing your story? Please get in touch on themanicyears@gmail.com. Thank you  ~Follow my blog here; http://themanicyears.com Lola Olivia ~ 7/11/11 ~ my reason for breathing Bipolar Affective Disorder type 2 - (2013) 'Borderline traits' Dissociative episodes |
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#180
Oct 14, 2013, 09:22 AM
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Woke up feeling instantly panicked again.
It doesn't seem to matter how much effort I put into "relaxing" during the day... as soon as I'm home again I'm right back to the same level of freaking-out.
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"The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things. Of shoes, of ships, of sealing wax, of cabbages, of kings! Of why the sea is boiling hot, of whether pigs have wings..." "I have a problem with low self-esteem. Which is really ridiculous when you consider how amazing I am. |
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#181
Oct 14, 2013, 09:39 AM
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HAd a rough last few days, slept like three or four hours a night. + had to travel somewhere and come back in a short period of time. I was at this festival thing for work with tons of people around and there was the need to socialize endlessly which I did not enjoy, at the end of it I was feeling panicked and somewhat depressed, and manic, mixed moods maybe? Anyhow, last night I got some serious rest, and woke up today determined to pull it together. Exercising for the first time in forever, + trying to manage schedule and to do lists and what not, trying to prioritize so that I attend to important things without burning out. We'll see how this goes...
MT
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Whether you are a big deal or a small deal, there is always some kind of a deal going on. - Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche |
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#182
Oct 14, 2013, 09:55 AM
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Forgot my stupid meds last night, so I woke up around 4:30 shaking. Took all my morning meds and half a latuda (night time med) to see if it would help. So far so good. Hopefully the latuda won't knock me out today, I have stuff to do and probably won't get home till 8.
Speaking of latuda, i went and got my prescription, and on the leaflet, it said the retail price of latuda is $1160. :O That's as much as the Provigil. Craziness. I went to my GI dr this morning to get my prescription for omeprazole refilled and told him how I have break through heartburn, and he told me to take a prevacid or zantac at night, cause tums doesn't do anything. He said it should help with my nausea in the AM too, since that is probably caused by heartburn. |
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#183
Oct 14, 2013, 11:41 AM
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Got my weekly update and realized I'd not been checking in which really is best for me, if I were paying attention to my mental disease. Obviously, I'm not and I should be. Read the guide I get weekly from another site and realized there's a seriously mean full moon on the way this Friday and there's going to be a bunch of stress leading up to it. Got my first blast of that last night by of course intervention of the evil sister into my life once again. Naturally, she's after the last person in my actual life to attempt to make them shun me. Typical pattern of hers; however, this one will be a bit tougher. Thankfully, this morning with that one is much better. Sometimes all it takes is to ignore the displeasure you expect from someone else.
None of that made sense to any of you, but it does to me. Signs of manic thoughts.
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 < ----- >  < ----- >   |
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#184
Oct 14, 2013, 01:46 PM
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You know you're stressed out when you finally know that your houseguest is awake... and so don't leave your room to use the washroom for over an hour because you aren't ready to face them yet.
__________________
"The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things. Of shoes, of ships, of sealing wax, of cabbages, of kings! Of why the sea is boiling hot, of whether pigs have wings..." "I have a problem with low self-esteem. Which is really ridiculous when you consider how amazing I am. |
| Anonymous45023
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#185
Oct 14, 2013, 02:06 PM
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Yesterday I told myself that today I would go to town and get the backing and batting needed to quilt one of my Granny's quilt tops (I found 4 quilt tops in the many things I got of hers when she passed away). I really want to get them done- after all I'm not employed so I have the time and it would give me something to occupy my time. Yet I can't bring myself to get off the couch. There's still time in the day though...maybe I'll go yet.. if not, there's always tomorrow. Sigh
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Renji Dx: Bipolar I and PTSD Rx: Bupropion 200mg 2x Gabapentin 300mg 3x Levothyroxin 75mcg 1x Quetiapine 50mg 1x Reminder: You are not a tree |
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#186
Oct 14, 2013, 02:08 PM
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Realized my slight upswing into a hypomanic episode was due to me taking the wrong amount of medicine
 Fixed that and now I'm feeling much calmer.
__________________
“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi Diagnosis: Schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type PTSD Social Anxiety Disorder Anorexia Binge/Purge type |
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#187
Oct 14, 2013, 03:02 PM
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spent most of the day updating my internet radio with new streams
felt like crap, but helped i had the house to myself oh and i finally got my KFC! |
 Blue_Bird, Phoenix_1
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#188
Oct 14, 2013, 03:37 PM
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Depression is here to stay for a while
Sent from my Note 2 using Tapatalk 4
__________________
Dx: BP2 with GAD and OCD Seroquel 100 mg Risperdal 0.5 mg Clonazepam (Klonopin) 1.5 mg Buspar 5 mg Lamictal 200 mg Coversyl Plus for high blood pressure Crestor for high cholesterol Asmanex Ventolin  |
| Blue_Bird
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#189
Oct 14, 2013, 06:57 PM
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out of crisis transitional unit and back at work for a week now....feeling pretty good but boyfriend is complaining that i'm a stick in the mud. i HAVE been quite fatigued but not depressed. i suppose im feeling quite normal, just a bit wrung out like a washcloth. trying to bounce back. trying to heal. need some more time i guess. appointment with a lawyer on wednesday to try and get disability.
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Bipolar I / Rapid Cycling GAD / OCD Lithium 900mg Seroquel 200mg Topamax 200mg Prozac 40mg Remeron 7.5mg Atarax 25mg |
| AnxietyGirl916
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#190
Oct 14, 2013, 07:14 PM
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Just out of the hospital but not 100%. My pdoc sees me tomorrow though. Still have vivid visions of self harm. Odd hallucination. Need ativan at night.
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Qui Cantat Bis Orat ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 4.5 mg Risperdal .5 mg  Gabapentin 300 mg Klonopin 1 mg 2x daily |
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#191
Oct 14, 2013, 09:19 PM
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I just threw up from being stressed out
I don't normally actually throw up... just always feel like it. Now I'm hiding in my room really trying to not throw up again... because I am so stressed out with my houseguest here and I don't want him to know that I am throwing up.. but it's a 1-bedroom apartment so how can I hide it?!?!?!
__________________
"The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things. Of shoes, of ships, of sealing wax, of cabbages, of kings! Of why the sea is boiling hot, of whether pigs have wings..." "I have a problem with low self-esteem. Which is really ridiculous when you consider how amazing I am. |
| Anonymous200280, Blue_Bird, LadyShadow, shezbut
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#192
Oct 14, 2013, 10:02 PM
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Update on that:
I did, in fact, have to run back in to the washroom. Sat there for a while to throw up a few times before I tried to leave it. Then walked two buildings down to a friend's house to get her spare keys so that I have somewhere to spend tomorrow alone. I also threw up there. This is effing ridiculous. I don't have anything going on that is bad! I shouldn't be this stressed out and such a disaster!
__________________
"The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things. Of shoes, of ships, of sealing wax, of cabbages, of kings! Of why the sea is boiling hot, of whether pigs have wings..." "I have a problem with low self-esteem. Which is really ridiculous when you consider how amazing I am. |
| LadyShadow, shezbut
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#193
Oct 15, 2013, 12:01 AM
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I am noticing more and more of the subtle things that make up the whole bp2 deal.
I caught myself picking at my skin, then picking at my lips, then pressing my thumbs into the tips of my fingers....and I was to myself "stop it!" I have a little extra money and my brain keeps running this shopping list by me of all the "stuff" I could buy with it.....again telling myself "stop it!" I am obsessed with clean, vac'd carpet. I like my carpet to have those vac lines in it...so I vac like every other day. Now if I could just obsess over my weight and what I eat....now that would be nice...I think. |
| shezbut
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#194
Oct 15, 2013, 12:26 AM
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I am deep in depression territory. Not sure if it's situational or an episode bit it doesn't matter because I still feel like shyte. Haven't had the motivation to do anything besides lie in bed so long my body aches. Or contemplate life... and death. mostly death.
Thankfully I don't actually know anatomy as well as I thought I did. Thankfully my razor wasn't that sharp. Thankfully my roommate was in the room.so I couldn't OD on everything at once. Otherwise I could have died friday. I DID go to classes today, though, and even though I didn't finish my homework over the weekend, and even though I got.so upset.at my physics professor for basically saying I was stupid for not understanding him that I cried in front of a few people, I still got out of bed to tell the sun to screw off. And that should count for something, maybe.
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Bipolar 2 (in remission), anorexia (in remission), and trichotillomania, also have conversion disorder that seems to be rearing its ugly head again. 100mg Lamictal |
| Anonymous45023, Blue_Bird
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#195
Oct 15, 2013, 01:26 AM
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Blah! Up, down, up, down, up, down. Now It's half past midnight and I am still awake. I guess up was the next pedal to pull. Angry and energized. Angergized. That's how I'm feeling.
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| LadyShadow
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#196
Oct 15, 2013, 01:34 AM
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Just up. No intention of sleeping anytime soon. Will probably be an all-nighter again.
Wired, manic, crazy and just bipolar.
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Tales of Love, Motivation, and An Interesting Journey - Please Subscribe to my Website on WordPress: Inspired Odyssey's Journey of Grace, Grit and Starting Again |
| Blue_Bird
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#197
Oct 15, 2013, 02:14 AM
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Extremely stressed out right now, so badly. Making me have negative thoughts. Trying to get through this.
__________________
“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi Diagnosis: Schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type PTSD Social Anxiety Disorder Anorexia Binge/Purge type |
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#198
Oct 15, 2013, 03:39 AM
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lowest of the low today
and it's actually quite sunny outside..... ugg |
| Blue_Bird
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#199
Oct 15, 2013, 08:43 AM
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Not feeling positive at all today. I keep applying for jobs and I can't seem to get any calls back. I want to quit my job, but my husband won't let me. Money would be tight but I can make ends meet. I just can't handle the stress much longer.
__________________
[COLOR="DeepSkyBlue"][FONT="Century Gothic"]Dx: Bipolar II w/mixed episodes, PTSD, Anxiety Disorder, Insomnia Rx: Lamictal 100mg, Zoloft 75mg, Klonopin 0.5mg x1 /0.25 PRN “Insanity is knowing that what you're doing is completely idiotic, but still, somehow, you just can't stop it.” ― Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation |
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#200
Oct 15, 2013, 09:56 AM
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had a nice quiet afternoon watching prime susspect
then got an email from my friend laura who i hadn't heard from in ages... that was probably the highlight of my day |
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