[Moose72]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

the idea of talking to someone through my computer just freaks me out.

always believed it crossed the boundries between computers and reality- but that's just me.. i'd never do such a thing

I hate what I look like on Skype. My mom and sister do that all the time and then they turn the camera on me! I think I look old and fat and please don't put me on Skype! I've tried it with friends and I can never get a good angle or something. I dunno but I just don't Skype. Not to mention that it hangs up on me all the time the few times that I've tried it with a German friend.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

because, my family are messed up

she's mainly down to see the others before christmas... so we'll have to see

Well maybe she will leave you alone. Just try to stay out of her way.

Originally Posted by Moose72

Well maybe she will leave you alone. Just try to stay out of her way.

i usually have my door closed when people are here, anyway.

so.. it's more than likely i won't notice

Originally Posted by Moose72

I hate what I look like on Skype. My mom and sister do that all the time and then they turn the camera on me! I think I look old and fat and please don't put me on Skype! I've tried it with friends and I can never get a good angle or something. I dunno but I just don't Skype. Not to mention that it hangs up on me all the time the few times that I've tried it with a German friend.

i don't see what the big obsession is with it.

if people want to do it, then they can.. but for goodness sake leave me out of it

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

i don't see what the big obsession is with it.

if people want to do it, then they can.. but for goodness sake leave me out of it

Agreed......

[Blue_Bird]

Mood-wise doing great! Have a bunch of hobbies I picked back up again Other than that not doing so good, have a flu. Just trying to rest as much as possible to get rid of it.

[bumble2u]

Went to alch therapy and lied about drinking I am drinking now,but did not have intention of drinking. Came home to find swiss woman digging up flower bed so felt insecure because she's watching me. I see her " why do you need to be away from the house tell me what your doing" As she's *****ing at her husband in swiss which by the way I understand. Starting topamax , so good because I know it makes everything taste disgusting so I wont eat and get so f888ing fat which I never was until all these meds. Just going to eat slimfast and thats it . even thought it might help if i physically tape my mouth shut with masking tape. Actually I feel pretty pissed off, but also pretty unstable as now I am wondering whether I should just go ahead with stupid meds make me drowsy at this point I don't neeed sleeop I need to be producing I had so many ideas meds are shutting my ideas down . aggggghhhhhhhhh.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by bumble2u

Went to alch therapy and lied about drinking I am drinking now,but did not have intention of drinking. Came home to find swiss woman digging up flower bed so felt insecure because she's watching me. I see her " why do you need to be away from the house tell me what your doing" As she's *****ing at her husband in swiss which by the way I understand. Starting topamax , so good because I know it makes everything taste disgusting so I wont eat and get so f888ing fat which I never was until all these meds. Just going to eat slimfast and thats it . even thought it might help if i physically tape my mouth shut with masking tape. Actually I feel pretty pissed off, but also pretty unstable as now I am wondering whether I should just go ahead with stupid meds make me drowsy at this point I don't neeed sleeop I need to be producing I had so many ideas meds are shutting my ideas down . aggggghhhhhhhhh.

Are you a little paranoid and reved up? Topomax did make things taste weird, but the effect wears off after a bit. You can't only eat Slimfast, you have to eat one meal of chicken and veggies or the like a day. You won't feel good otherwise. If you have some prescribed meds that make you slow down as needed maybe you should try the recommended dose.

[bumble2u]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Are you a little paranoid and reved up? Topomax did make things taste weird, but the effect wears off after a bit. You can't only eat Slimfast, you have to eat one meal of chicken and veggies or the like a day. You won't feel good otherwise. If you have some prescribed meds that make you slow down as needed maybe you should try the recommended dose.

Dunno feel like i want to put my head though a dooor. could take some seroquel but nooooo. I will be sylph like within the next week. i'm going to whiten my teeth and then everyone can go to hell saying I look like Yabba the Hut. i will show them laughing all the time and pointing the finger. ok that does sound a bit paranoid. sorry having a total brain flash. recently I know that I'm onto something with all this perception stuff. too long gone without the deeper knowledge of fractals and the math behind it all. Do you not think it odd that the channel should move to bible studies on the radio. not that I have an issue with porn, but hey they are out there. I think it's not too funny that I come home from choir feeling sick. It's because I won't give in to whatever they want me too believe. so i don't know. thank you for a conversation Mooose

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by bumble2u

Dunno feel like i want to put my head though a dooor. could take some seroquel but nooooo. I will be sylph like within the next week. i'm going to whiten my teeth and then everyone can go to hell saying I look like Yabba the Hut. i will show them laughing all the time and pointing the finger. ok that does sound a bit paranoid. sorry having a total brain flash. recently I know that I'm onto something with all this perception stuff. too long gone without the deeper knowledge of fractals and the math behind it all. Do you not think it odd that the channel should move to bible studies on the radio. not that I have an issue with porn, but hey they are out there. I think it's not too funny that I come home from choir feeling sick. It's because I won't give in to whatever they want me too believe. so i don't know. thank you for a conversation Mooose

Your post is very run-on. I do know what fractals are, by the way! But yeah your post sounds a lot like mine when I was manic. The heightened perceptions and the secret knowlege. You're welcome for the conversation. I am into posting here today for some reason!

[Patsy Cline]

I feel sad, useless, unaccomplished, lackluster, unmotivated...unhappy.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Patsy Cline

I feel sad, useless, unaccomplished, lackluster, unmotivated...unhappy.

Start a blog about how bipolar feels to YOU. That's accomplishing something. Just a few words when you feel like it. You'll be surprised how it adds up.

[Zabine]

me too.........

Ok today but head full of grandiose thoughts of my enormous accomplishments that I only make in my head.
Gotta stop fantasizing about life...its a waste of time.

[roads]

Don't know why, but I haven't been able to get feeling in feet and hands nor get rid of severe neck pain all day. Usually takes a few hours, but I've done it all ... the meds, exercises, stretching, etc, and it still wouldn't be physically safe to go out. Walking the dog was risky enough.
These are physical things, but I'm sure the bipolar interacts. And I know the bipolar worsens with age.

[Moose72]

Roadie, as someone that just was hospitalized for a manic episode, don't tell me that bipolar gets worse with age!

I was very up last night. Now I am very down. Fighting pictures in my head of death. I agree that bipolar gets worse with age, but how much worse could it get? Someone needs to start raising money for bipolar research. Maybe I'll figure out a way to do that. Uggh.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by RR18

I was very up last night. Now I am very down. Fighting pictures in my head of death. I agree that bipolar gets worse with age, but how much worse could it get? Someone needs to start raising money for bipolar research. Maybe I'll figure out a way to do that. Uggh.

I'm in a bipolar study for five years now. I don't know if "how much worse could it get?" Is one of the things they're looking at though. For one thing, I'm still on my meds.

[naejannej]

up and down. feeling more down today. people seem far away. feel like im inside a bubble. would like to just sleep but i know thats not gonna do me any good. did some chores and came to work, but feeling out of it. afraid im on the edge of another downward spiral.

Stuck in the house, I need to go outside, I know I need to go outside. Just go outside and it wont seem so scary. Im not even scared really, just stuck, like I really really really do not want to go out that door. I dont know why, well I do, I want to play with my horse, but as much as I practice mindfulness and just try to enjoy being with her its still such a drag. Now the guilt is setting in because I dont want to do it. But I do, but I just cant seem to get out that door. Excuses excuses, I know there was a time when this was easy, when I would wake up first thing and be out there with her. Why is it so hard now? It shouldnt be this hard. Its not even that hard, all I have to do is go outside... but its too hard.

[Travelinglady]

Are there studies that actually show that bipolar does get worse with age? Or is it just a general perception? Eek!

I often have had trouble with depression starting toward the end of October--and it is starting up again now. I have a history of hospitalizations right around Halloween. I am so tired of decorating pumpkins for Halloween when in hospitals. I sure hope I can make it through to November 1st this year!

I did some Christmas shopping today to try to cheer myself up, and I got out to a Book Club meeting.

And I see my psychiatrist tomorrow.....

Originally Posted by Moose72

I'm in a bipolar study for five years now. I don't know if "how much worse could it get?" Is one of the things they're looking at though. For one thing, I'm still on my meds.

True. True. I am back to my regular dose, but it seems to be taking a long time to get stabilized. I feel pretty normal right at the moment.

[Blue_Bird]

Heading into mania, I have the flu, I feel horrible physically and should be run down but I'm energized, can't sleep, racing thoughts, can't slow down, it's heading there. What an odd combination, mania and the flu.

so for some reason, none of the movie channels are working... no idea why- they just arn't!. i'm going to have to ring sky and see if their's a problem at their end, or if it's at our end (as i need my movie channels.. it's like, the main channels i watch!)

i also found out that soul surfer- the movie i wanted with carie underwood in, is only on amazon in region 1 format- so right now i'm downloading it (or attempting to download it) so that later i can watch it... just really fancy watching it- it seems like forever since i've seen it!

my sister spent the morning moaning because she's got a flat tyre on her car.. so is not going to work today- she chose not too, despite the fact she was offered a lift.... that's going to go down great with the boss of the company!. really!
aunt ariving tonight at about 7 or 8 pm..

so just an average day i suppose. nothing to really smile about, or be happy about, but getting by

[roads]

Originally Posted by PAYNE1

Are there studies that actually show that bipolar does get worse with age? Or is it just a general perception? Eek!

I wasn't thinking about others' response, Payne, when I was having my ranting pity party yesterday. I'm so sorry I caught you in my crossfire. I search the lit and found this:

Joseph F Goldberg, MD replied to jevans14311's response:
Dear jevans14311,

There is no universal answer to predicting the course of bipolar disorder. Individuals vary greatly. Someone who has had many episodes that have been poorly controlled probably will continue to have many episodes. Someone with concurrent problems like drug or alcohol abuse or anxiety or personality disorders will likely have more long-term problems than someone without those additional problems. Someone who finds a helpful medicine regimen and stays with it will likely fare better than someone who takes medicines erratically. Someone who has had onset after age 25 typically will fare better in the long term than someone with earlier onset. Many factors bear on gauging the long-term course of a given individual and it's hard to make generalizations. Bipolar disorder does not "automatically" worsen over time if well-managed.

Dr. G. "Does bipolar get worse as we age?": Bipolar Disorder Community - Support Group

What I didn't mention is that I have family history of depression/suicide, alcohol/drug addiction, dimension, my own alcoholism, and all 4 genetic markers for Alzheimer's.

What I ought to have said was that, given my family and personal medical history, the doctors have urged me to make arrangements now for excellent, longterm care because the prognosis is that I will need it for a long time.

But that's me. My situation is unique, so the vast majority of you folks out there don't have the same mix. sorry if I shook up any one.

(((((((Payne )))))))
Roadie