[Moose72]

does this sound manic

[Victoria'smom]

In need of sleep...
or
hypo-manic???

[Moose72]

I can't stop thinking. I can't stop doing. Right now I am sitting, but my fingers are flying. I can watch tv, but not for very long. I can help my friend cook, but for only a moment. Another friend, who reads this blog, says that the mere fact that I am writing so many entries is reason enough to believe that I may be nearing mania again. Earlier, I seriously contemplated buying a laptop computer just so I could write in this blog! I didn't, though, but I nearly did. I guess that means I'm not too far gone. The thoughts are there, though. My thoughts are this and of that. One thing, then the next. Never for very long. And then I am having very little patience for things. At the same time, I feel "normal". I can kick this. I can't possibly be getting manic. No not me! I'm not that far gone. I'm still a real person. Remember when I said I wanted to be "the real me" when I was manic last year at this time? The idea isn't beyond me! I take so many meds, why not quit a few? The water I drink is extra cold. I feel it roll over my tongue and go down my throat into my stomach, cooling off my body along the way. The smoothness of these keys - I type and slide the tips of my fingers across them. Mmmmm.... Yummy! The water in the shower falls over each part of me, warm and soothing, tingling my fingers, arms and head. The sun is going down, but not a lot yet. Its seeping into my brain, telling it new messages. I wish I could hear them better, but they are subliminal messages. My brain just knows how to feel from them. At the same time, I feel shaky, like I've had too much coffee and I can't sit still. What is there to do!? I must do something! And when I start something, I might finish it- I might not. My life is full of tiny little disjointed bits. Moment to moment, unrelated. Physical feeling to physical feeling. Overwhelmed by how my brain feels by what I see, or what I hear. Am I truly manic if I can write this at all instead of the short little bits I wrote last year when I was manic? Maybe not. But its worth writing down even so. I still want my own laptop. I might buy one. I might not. I might stop my meds. I might not.I might stop drinking coffee. I might drink more. Right now I don't know. I might call my doctor, but I might not. How do I know I'm truly manic? I don't. Besides: I'm more creative now and I've been quite prolific in my blog. I like it that way!

[Amelie10]

Walks like a duck, quacks like a duck....probably a duck.

I don't know you and your past symptoms....but this definitely looks manic. I recommend calling your doctor while you still think that that might be a good thing.

[Moose72]

Didn't call anyone. But I did have sex with my ex bf. and it was gooooood!

[Moose72]

Ooh Ativan. Guess that will help.

[Victoria'smom]

Don't take to much

[choocha]

If you can be productive when you're manic and not harm yourself or do anything dangerous, then don't change what you are doing. If you practise any risk-taking, dangerous, self-harming etc behaviours when you are manic, then you need professional help and probably a med change or dose increase etc. I do not recommend going off your meds. This is just the invincibility of your mania speaking. I do the same thing. Thinking that you no longer need meds because you currently feel good is incorrect thinking. You will increase your chances of a bad episode if you quit taking your meds - don't do it.
Many of the things you describe make it sound like hypomania. If you are not doing anything risky and can control it, then it might not yet be full-blown mania. The last time you had a full-blown manic episode, were you able to recognise it during the episode, or not until after? Surely you know your warning signs or any similar thoughts or behaviours to your last one. If you are still in control and happy with your current level of productivity, then just enjoy it, but monitor it closely. The moment it changes for the worse you need to act on it immediately to limit the damage. Do you have a good support network? maybe you could tell someone you are close with that you are currently experiencing a hypomanic episode and while you are ok at the moment you are ok, that may change. You could then tell them what to look for so they can intervene, if you are not looking after yourself properly.
These are just my personal thoughts, opinions, experiences and observations; but I hope it helps. Keep us informed about your progress and any developments.
Please don't quit your meds without first seeking professional advice.

[Moose72]

I just saw my cat and then he disappeared!

[Victoria'smom]

Can you call your pdoc tomorrow?

[Moose72]

Listening to

this is calming. Mostly. Its also strangely tantilizing.

[intergalactictraveler]

MANIC. 'nuff said.

[Moose72]

bye bye post....

[Moose72]

When I got up this morning, I walked out of my room and saw my cat. He turned around, but in an instant, disappeared! I have had other things like this happen, too. I'm not sure if they are normal or not. My friend says not. The girl I've described disappearing lasted longer: she as definitely there for me to see and then she was gone. Its tempting for people to say they are ghosts. Why would my cat be a ghost when he is alive? Maybe he's teleporting. hehe. Funnily enough, he didn't meow. That would've been better- a little more information. Sometimes, I catch things out of the corner of my eye that aren't there, but again, I think that is normal.
I still feel ramped up but that could be the coffee.
Last night, the cylindrical sex seconds continued. I feel at ease with it. It is just there. It is comfortable. It is like falling into a warmth, as the merry-go-round turns slowly, once, twice, thrice... Its no longer sad. It has moved into

. This piece is from a requiem- a mass for the dead. "In Paradisum" translated means "In Paradise". Each note, each nuance of a phrase, has me captured, wrapped in bliss as it continues on, again and again. My brain tingles. My emotions roll up and down gently. They are one. I want to fly away into the music, singing. The sound goes straight from my heart to my brain, bathing it in intensity that rolls over itself, again again. It is the same with the sex. Rolling over and over, drowning my brain, saturating it in bliss, so that I can't sing along; only strange singing comes out, but the angels still sing for me into my brain and in my head I sing along, as my my body tingles, as my brain buzzes and everything is gone. Only I am left. I am one with the sound and my brain and the bliss. I am singing. I am one with all. I know all. I know the answers to everything! Its all okay now. In paradise, may angels lead you into paradise. A fearless death. A completely fearless death. All is you and you are all. You are one with all. May you have eternal rest. I rise into the voices. They are one. And I am one. I am one with them and the voices. Just me and them rising up. They sing and rise and fall together, swirling moving into the peace of death, as I follow them. Its just me and the cirles, rising up in swirls, as the voices are one carrying me up and down. Where are they going? Into the peace. Into requiem. An intense buzzing in my brain happens as I am carried up and down. My whole body is carried along. Into paradise and into peace. Carried by angels. Soaring, telling me everything. I now know all. I am all. I fly, carrying all. My cat and I are one. He is me. Going into paradise. Into peace.
* In paradisum deducant te Angeli; in tuo adventu suscipiant te martyres, et perducant te in civitatem sanctam Ierusalem. Chorus angelorum te suscipiat, et cum Lazaro quondam paupere æternam habeas requiem.
May angels lead you into paradise; upon your arrival, may the martyrs receive you and lead you to the holy city of Jerusalem. May the ranks of angels receive you, and with Lazarus, once a poor man, may you have eternal rest.

[Moose72]

I can't stop! I have barely eaten today.

[Moose72]

Off with a friend to find food. I can't stop listening to this piece of music, but I"ll have to.

[Moose72]

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[Moose72]

nip nerum so serum do derum lack lerum forum do dorum sick do do do do do. See see see. niv nivum nar docum seb sebb placum flan flirum foppis. To TACUM TACUM WIRRRUM!

[Moose72]

My friend left me

[Mental reward]

Borderline. You WILL cross that lineit sounds like if you don't find away to slam the brakes. You need an immediate relief med. my sex drive is always insane so that's just always me. Hypomanic manic balanced mixed or depressed..be careful sounds like you're REALLY teetering, but like ALOT
...................................
Yeahhhh u sound manic for sure :/ once I have gotten to a certain point someone has to intervene-- I know warning signs for myself and am on the right meds now-- still am a roller coaster just a safe one. You need you're screws tightened, if u concern a loved one too much then comes the social worker w a police officer then hospital which may be a vacation sounds like u haven't slept in a week
................................................
Vistaril saphris sleep haldol calllllmmmmmmmmm ugh it's hard I know exactly how u feel and u want it. Sleeeeeepppp I often don't eat enough bc I model and work to much it gives me too much energy then I have to have a drink to calm down or masturbate. Masturbate- ok drink at that point- no. Make a healthy decision. Now.

[Moose72]

Where the fick is everybody

[Moose72]

I give up. This word is too damned slow.

[Moose72]

Psych ER says the usual: don't come in unless you're going to kill yourself. Fine.

[Moose72]

Nobody likes me.

[Victoria'smom]

I know I took a while, please don't OD but call pdoc tomorrow.