Bipolar Rant

I know that everyone faces difficulties in life.. trials and heartache. I know that everyone has battles they fight. No one's life is perfect. "That which does not kills us only makes us stronger", right? Life isn't fair... believe me I know! I don't want this to come off as a "woe is me" kind of thing, but....

I hate being Bipolar!
I hate the constant mood swings... having no control over them (even when medicated they never stopped..only lessened).
I hate the fact that I have to take medication to be "normal" - what if WE are the normal ones and everyone else are abnormal??
I hate putting my family through this.. it can't be easy for them.
I hate that I may be passing it on to my girls
I hate that it has cost me almost every friend I've ever made (only 1 left)
I hate how it has drastically affected every relationship I've ever had
I hate how it has cost me a good job (with insurance)
I hate how when manic I spend almost all my money (even bill money)
I hate the crying, the irritability, the mad, the sad, the impatience
I even hate the mania- don't get me wrong when I'm manic I'm fantastic! I can make a quilt in a day, paint an entire room in a few hours, compete in a half marathon... so much can be done when manic, but I know that it can't last and when I crash....
But the thing I hate the worst is how much I hate telling people I'm Bipolar. I shouldn't be ashamed or worried. Yet because of the stigma I fear telling anyone. The doctors say to look at Bipolar as having diabetes. Well that's a bad analogy.. No one looks at you with fear or disgust when you tell them you are diabetic. I've tried to be open with people and the usual reaction is "Oh" followed by a long pause and them walking away. It took my family a few years (and a couple of hospital stays) for them to accept it. It took me 6 months to tell my boyfriend... I was so nervous I was vomiting! I fully expected him to say it was more than he wanted to deal with and break up. Instead, he looked at me and said, "yeah I know. Now what do you want for supper?" I knew then he was a keeper! lol

I rambled... I'm sorry but I had to get that out. Thank you for reading!

It does get maddening at times..... and rant on . That is great you found someone who loves you as you are.

Thanks for the rant. That saves me a lot of typing, because I feel the same way.

life with bipolar can really suck

trust me living with it (and everything it brings) for 13 years, i've had my fair share of sucky times

Oh, I can agree. I hate meds, I hate having to take them. One more got added to the mix today and I was super pissed. Now I'm just a little sad. Some people do act odd once you've told them that you're bi polar. I hate that part. My daughter just found out that she too, is bipolar. We lean on each other. I am thankful for a husband who understands.

I can relate to all of that ..

I could check off damn near all of them .. I dont get the happy Mania I get the ugly kind. Yes my Daughter is Bipolar, I got over feeling guilty about it. She's living her life and loving it.

One thing I no longer do at all is want to be " normal" <~~ There is no such thing as normal . When I stopped comparing myself to something that doesn't exist I felt better.. No it won't fix everything but it made a huge difference.

Very very few people know I have Bipolar. I just see no reason to tell people.

Yes your Boyfriend is a keeper

I know what you mean about telling people. I don't tell people what is going on with me, but people know I am not there with them, like the rest of the people in the room are there with them. Especially in hypomania. When the pressured speech and cascading ideas begin, I can see it in people's eyes, they aren't sure they follow me, and they aren't sure they want to. But there is a part right before that where I am incredible, I am SO on, and I can get almost anything accomplished, and people LOVE that, and I always feel like people want 25% of me around, it's that prime spot. But the lows, and the highs, and the real real highs, and the crash, no one wants any of that. It is very hard not to resent people for that. I always feel like 'what?! You think these ideas an this energy come from being normal?! How on earth cold that be?' But other people don't see it that way, they just want what they want. I hate that! I sort of hate normal people, but I fight that.
Anyhow, I hear you, and I am totally in your corner!
And I think rants are awesome! We like to rant, other people want everything to be moderate and civilized all the time, but some times it just isn't that way, and that is one thing that bipolar people really really know about.
Rant on!
Sending you good vibes.
MT

I love this 'rant' and can identify with every part of it, except for the friends part.....I have more than I know what to do with, and sometimes I feel terribly guilty because I tend to neglect them when I'm depressed, and they have to practically peel me off of them when I'm manic.

And because I'm one of those kind who basically defies the world to marginalize me, I will talk about bipolar openly. I don't walk up to someone like I'm at an AA meeting and go "Hi, I'm M____ and I'm bipolar", but I'm not afraid to discuss it at all. Most people are gracious, and even curious about what it's like to have this illness, and they ask all sorts of questions. I figure that the more they learn about it, the less likely they are to stigmatize the next mentally ill person they meet.