suicidal idealization - help me to understand

Hello,

I have a question to throw out here. Does anyone suffer suicidal idealization. I think of suicide daily and all the time. It never goes away regardless if I feel really happy or not. Wouldn't you think that if you had a manic episode that this would go away? If you also suffer with suicidal idealization is it due to another disorder? I have BPD and want to know if the bipolar has anything to do with it as well.

Eh, I do get these thoughts. They can be intrusive thoughts (OCD type disorder). Not sure. I learned to kinda ignore it and not give it much space.

I get those same thoughts when I'm in a depressive state (which is most of the time). I still get those thoughts when in a hypomanic state but I tend towards irritability as opposed to euphoria unless I'm buying things.

Wouldn't you think that if you had a manic episode that this would go away?

I have thoughts of harming myself or others fairly often but it gets more intends when (hypo)manic, paranoid or not understanding English.

I have these thoughts as well on most days. Sometimes it will go away for a bit, but it's always there. I've learned to live with them and hide them from people. Not sure myself what to do about them other than seek a therapist...but, I've not even told her or my Dr. that they still exists.

Greg

I have always thought about it ever since I was a kid. Every day I fantasize about suicide with no intention.I find the thought, even the word to be very comforting. I don't know if there's a specific disorder it's related to though.

Hello, I am just trying to figure out if this is a bipolar situation or a BPD trait. I have been diagnosed for both but from what I understand its a BPD trait. I would however, discuss your thoughts with your doctor. It may not even be bipolar but I am not a doctor. I am going to discuss this with my doctor next week to find out what he has to say. Bipolar or BPD? or both?

Hello, I am diagnosed with both bipolar and BPD. I would think in your case you have something else going on if you are thinking of suicide all the time. I understand it is comforting to me too for I know if things get real bad I have an another option.

ps. I am so proud of you and your decision to pursue a career in the mental health industry. I wanted to do the same thing but my doctor basically told me it was too much of a responsibility for someone with my mental disorders. I'll tell you if I were in my 20's I wouldn't care what he said and do it anyways and show how WRONG he is.

I have actually always thought I have BPD but I won't bring it up my.T unless she ever does.maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm just a weirdo. And thank you so much for your kind words! You seem very capable to me !

I've had those thoughts frequently, and they put me in the hospital 3 times. My son told me that like AA, I should take it one day at a time. He said "just for today, just for me, just for my family" Since then I've managed the suicidal thoughts.

I used to have the thoughts all of the time. It happens less now, since my little trip to the hospital and a med change...I do not feel the need to de, but the thoughts happen from time to time.

I deal with it daily.. I try to not dwell on it.. Distraction distraction distraction and self grounding .. If I do start to actually "plan" Then it becomes a concern and I address. My T said it is common for many people to deal with this... Intrusive thoughts suck.

If you feel that you may have BPD you should talk about it with your T. As far as your career you go girl. Do it for all of us and don't ever let anyone stand in your way of your dreams. Promise me that you will remember this when things get tough. Print this statement and keep it somewhere to reminded of how great you are going to be at your career. Why? Because you know what it is like and how it feels and because you want to make a difference and not just for the money like some doctors.

I have Bipolar 1 & get suicidal ideation regularly. A lot of mine is intrusive thoughts, like seeing myself gone. These I have no control over, but my antipsychotic prn works. Some of it is habit, if that makes sense. The thoughts are comforting and they stick. I've had to work really hard at replacing them with thought blocking and replacing them with other thoughts. CBT. Just realizing that I had some control helped me. Hope this helps.

I read the book "Living with Bipolar" by Lesley Berc and others. In the list of symptoms it says suicidal thought are normal for bipolars. I had a laugh because it said, "suicide thoughts are normal but if you start to make plans for it, call your doctor immediately"
I once said to myself, ok, if you think about it as an option so often, check it out. I googled suicide methods and it made me feel better. I gave myself the option and decided against it and the big trick was to realize that it is not what I chose.

I have never had so much suicidal ideation as with this recent depression. When I'm not depressed, the thought doesn't enter my mind. I know I will not act on it though so do not "qualify" for hospitalization in my city.

Was just talking about this with t this last week. Questioned whether or not some of it can be "habit"/"comfort zone"...she said yes, been living with it so long could be.

Greg

I used to plan the how of my death,, by car accident or pill but once my mood stabilizers got to full strength the thoughts went away.. so for me I would say it was bipolar induced.

I've thought about suicide since I was a child. I've taken the thoughts to the literal edge, but I couldn't jump. Which is a good thing, even if sometimes I wish I had. The idea of it being an obsessive thought makes sense. I have other obsessive behaviors as well. It's probably related to serotonin. I think once you've decided that suicide is an option, then your mind always presents it as an option, whether or not it's one you would actually take. I will probably always have it cross my mind and when I am depressed, most likely often. If I start planning, then I'll worry, but my outlook isn't hopeless enough for me to pursue it right now.

All the time... mood irrelevant. When I'm depressed, it's more of fantasizing the hows and the whens. When not, it's more.. intrusive thoughts. In some ways, the thoughts have just become.. natural? I guess natural makes sense.

I see it as just another one of the poor coping mechanisms I developed along the way.

It can be a powerful and permanent one though.

So, yeah, it simmers on low somewhere on a burner in the back of my mind and always has.

But ...

Knowing I've got a ticket out helps me to focus on ways to find life good enough to stick around for.

I am diagnosed with bpd and bipolar as well. From the books I have read, it is mainly a characteristic of borderline personality disorder.

I think it's a mistake to characterize suicidal ideation as a borderline trait. It exist in any circumstance that produces intense psychological pain, though often that in mental illness, but any major disorder will do it.