[middlepath]

Hi all...ive been away for awhile trying to get my crap together. I don't know what to do...long story short: started on lithium in January, finally stabilized but was gaining weight slowly but steadily. I gained enough to hit my "deal breaker" number and decided to try going without meds. I launched into hypo within a couple of weeks and have spent several VERY productive weeks on cloud nine. all has been great until today... I work(at a school) and received a constructive criticism today from the teacher i work with that has me all spun up (the criticism is valid). I hate feeling like i have done something wrong. I have that internal jittery feeling again (like too many cups of caffeine mixed in with some crapy feelings), and don't know what to do. My judgement isn't always the greatest when i am emotional and I certainly feel that way right now. help please.

[gayleggg]

I think you should talk to your doctor and have him prescribe something other than lithium. There are lots of mood stablizers that don't make you gain weight.

[IndieVisible]

I can totally relate. I was actually on lithium back in 1988 when I was incorrectly diagnosed with bipolar. I was on it for 3 months and stopped because all it did was make me gain weight and did nothing for my depression. I was lucky in that I was not bipolar or I would have been in trouble for stopping it. However later on it was discovered I was not bipolar and began a different form of treatment. I was under the impression that many other better alternatives to lithium have been made available for bipolar but I am not sure. It's a very old med.

I am in a very high paced professional field right now and am very cautious what meds I take as I must always be 100% fully functional. It's a tough juggling act. Good luck to you!

[monochromatic]

I have never been on Lithium before, so I can't comment, but I also work at a school and any sort of criticism sends me crashing. I know exactly what you mean about that jittery feeling.

I'm sorry you're going through that. Be nice to yourself.

[Moose72]

I know the feeling you are describing. I just got away from it as I just had a manic episode. I'm on lithium and zyprexa and topomax. I've gained weight but the only thing Ican do is exercise and try not to eat too much. It sucks, I know. I was 130 pounds when I started on Depakote. I miss being skinny, but I also know I can't be manic all the time either.

[middlepath]

Thanks for the help. I think my stupid panic attacks have come back, earlier when i wrote this post, my heart was thumping and i felt like life was crashing down in some ways. Thankfully I am feeling a little better now. I am so annoyed that I didn't recognize it as a panic attack...I thought I had become more self aware. I REALLY want a magic pill that keeps all the parts of me i like but erases the panic, anxiety, extreme mood changes, and lousy decision making skills. ugh. Anyhow thanks for commenting and helping me.

[BlueInanna]

Hi middle , I hope you're ok. I have no wise words but it's good to see you & I care. Xo

Btw - I'm considering meds again. Something to make me sleep for 3 months would help.

[redbandit]

I know how it feels to go without sleep, blueinannaBe careful what you wish for though. Do you have times where you sleep too much? I go from one extreme to the other. When I took seroquel last year for a few weeks I often slept more than I was awake
feel better!

[gruvingal]

I know the feeling. I'm am manic right now and I feel like a caged animal. I have been on Paxil for 15 plus years. I am very sensitive to medicine and my Dr. said to try this first. It helps with the ups and downs and the panic and anxiety. I also have Xanex to take if I really need it. I only take 1/4 to 1/2 at a time or I'll be out for at least a day. I take 20 to 30 mg of Paxil. If I take more I get migraines. I also have physical problems that are out of my control most of the time. I'm sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. I hope you find peace soon!

[Amelie10]

It's a normal part of the illness to think we don't need the meds anymore. I have done the exact same thing. Try something different. Meds work differently for different people. I've had really good luck with Lamictal. I hope you find something that evens you out and makes you stable.

I'm pretty stable right now (after a two month depression) but I'm not very productive. oh well, my thoughts are not crazy so I'll take a messy house and cluttered desk to delusional depressed thoughts.

Hang in there.

[roads]

Hi, middlepath, and great sympathies with your bipolar med management probs. I went round & round the drug rosy with my pdoc, after my diagnosis (and discharge from hospital).
My psychiatrist and I clicked--I was so lucky! I went back after a week and said things weren't working & said specifically why ... & it's been like that ever since. We have developed into a team, with a working relationship--the goal is to find the best possible meds for me ... not settling for what's just good enough.
Try to keep in mind that, while you are a patient, you aren't a victim. I think it's being a victim that keeps us from working as equals in a team relationship with any professional ... and that makes it easy for them to dismiss us, not care about us, and not do their best for us.

[IndieVisible]

Originally Posted by middlepath

Thanks for the help. I think my stupid panic attacks have come back, earlier when i wrote this post, my heart was thumping and i felt like life was crashing down in some ways. Thankfully I am feeling a little better now. I am so annoyed that I didn't recognize it as a panic attack...I thought I had become more self aware. I REALLY want a magic pill that keeps all the parts of me i like but erases the panic, anxiety, extreme mood changes, and lousy decision making skills. ugh. Anyhow thanks for commenting and helping me.

Wouldn't it be just great if we all had a on/off switch for emotions, and also a oscillator control to fine tune exactly where we wanna be? Man, I would love the mania with out the severe consequences. I hate the heavy depression and panic attacks, the ups and downs, well the downs any ways.