[choocha]

Right now I feel like I'm not experiencing any extremes of highs or lows. But I'm not sure and am worried that maybe I am and just can't tell anymore. I still have bad/unhealthy behaviours & symptoms going on at the moment such as too much sleep, followed by not enough sleep, isolation, avoidance, shoplifting, speeding (in my car), recreational substance abuse, lack of energy, lack of motivation, no appetite, not looking after myself, self-medicating, avoiding chores and responsibilities, no hobbies or enjoyable activities, no friends. This is just listing probably the main ones. So what I am trying to say is that I'm scared that I'm not self-aware of when I'm in the middle of an episode anymore, like I used to be. This also leads on to me worrying that if it is is the case, maybe my BP is worsening.
From other peoples' knowledge and experience is this maybe what is happening? Just so confused about where I'm at in my head at the moment. Any thoughts or feedback?

Choocha, sometimes we get in the middle of our episodes before we figure out something isnt right, it took me 2 months during the spring. For me esp, mania is hard to pick up on, when its a mixed mood, even harder to figure out. Your behaviors sound mixed but you need to see your dr to determine whats up. Some things you are doing dont sound safe, its just my thought but I would call your pdoc soon. Also, do you have a therapist? Mine helps me keep track of my moods and can often pick up on my manic symptoms before I can. Plain depression isnt so hard for us to catch but happens so rarely.
Best wishes

I started keeping a mood log. Mine has hrs of sleep and my symptoms like driving and hearing things or irritability and anxiety on it. You could make a specialized mood log for you and keep track for a few weeks or more so you have a clearer picture. Just an idea.

[manicplanet]

I don't know if this will help..but my psychologist always tells me when I feel like I might be entering an episode to "not lose perspective" and "not lose sleep". Once one of those start to slip, it may be signs of some type of an episode (whether depressive or manic)..

It's simple and effective for me. Hope things look up for you soon!

[monochromatic]

Not sure if this is whats going on with you, but I totally lost track of episodes when I was in a mixed state. Now that I'm coming out of it I feel much more clear and can identify whether I'm high or low.

Originally Posted by RR18

I started keeping a mood log. Mine has hrs of sleep and my symptoms like driving and hearing things or irritability and anxiety on it. You could make a specialized mood log for you and keep track for a few weeks or more so you have a clearer picture. Just an idea.

I had a manic episode and didn't catch it until after the damage was done today. This mood log doesn't always work.

[BlueInanna]

Hey sweetie! Ive missed you! You definitely are going thru something - sounds like an all moods at once kind of thing. . I don't know what the answer is - what's your plan to stay out of trouble when these risky behaviors come on? No judgment, I've been there :/ we just need to avoid things like jail or other things we regret when thinking clearly.

I wonder too if it's getting worse with age... Idk. I think when we're in episode it just seems like all there is & it's near impossible to remember feeling sane & that that felt good & stable. But when in an episode, it's clouded like who wants stable or pshh like that's even possible. But it is possible - I'm half faking cuz I'm in it too right now - but I want my life back harmonious & organized. If things were ever once at least ok, it's possible for them to be ok again.

The fact that you suspect something is up even if you can't pinpoint what it is probably showing some insight, even if that's not what it feels like(!) You can list symptoms. That's something. I agree with the others about staying safe and contacting your people to try to figure out what is going on.

My psych says I have good insight. Uhhhh, ok. Sometimes. But also very much DON'T have it sometimes. Like emomom, I can have trouble recognizing hypo/mania, and a particularly hard time recognizing mixed. It was more than 2 weeks into the most hellish episode I'd ever had before it even crossed my mind(!!!) It would have been blatantly obvious to anyone looking in from outside the storm (alas, psych was 3,000 miles away). Sometimes our minds are so busy just trying to deal with each moment that there's no room to step back enough to see what's going on.

[choocha]

Hi. Thanks to everybody for their responses and advice/opinions. I really appreciate it and will take your suggestions onboard. I don't know what to do to change/stop the dangerous bevaviours I'm doing. My T just shakes his head and gives me a lecture; not really helping.
Thanks again xo

[Ms.Beans]

I have 2 close friends who always notice if I go off the rails. It tens to be a while until I acknowledge that something is wrong, but I'm getting better at listening to them. Maybe try this?

[BlueInanna]

Any improvement? Hope you're ok Like IZ says - the fact that you notice symptoms of the episode shows insight. Now to convince yourself to make the best long term choices against your current inclination. People recommend me to think more long term to fight my impulsiveness - but I'm not often good at that. Working on it. :/

[thickntired]

I'm so glad you posted this bc I can so relate. One thing that helped me - and I know it's easier said than done - is I got sober. Now my meds work better and I'm not too out of control. It's also easier to gage when and if I need to up my med dosage. Right now my seroquel needs to be doubled bc I'm still mixed. If I was still drinking and drugging I wouldn't know what caused what.

Peace,

Tnt

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