Sooo tired...

The roller coaster is fun, while is going up, but not fun at all when I'm coming down....
I'm so tired of this.
I'm trying my best to manage, but the feelings of guilt and failure seem not to go away ever....
I'm just hoping for a better tomorrow, I did that yesterday, and nothing happened; I'm hoping maybe tomorrow is the day, but again, what do I do when I see that things aren't gettting better.
I'm starting to freak out a little bit, becuase I'm seeing somethings inside of me that have not explanation, no memory whatsoever, but How do I find out what exactly happened that left me to be this way???
I don't know, if there is a God, I need Him right now badly~

((( biplol )))

I don't know what to say really, because I've been in your position so many times myself. I think the only thing that got me through was friends and family that care. And, a therapist and pdoc that helped me. Do you have anyone you can call to talk to? Do you have a therapist you can call to talk about this? I hope you do. Just keep venting here. I have faith that things will turn out to be ok. I am keeping you in my prayers.

Love, Jenn

I woke up feeling a 7 on the depression scale 1-10. I tried to shake it off with 2 cups of coffee and now I'm watching a Lifetime movie (which really takes me out of myself) and during the commercials which are quite long I'm reading my latest book "The Bipolar Child" which has been like a revelation to me. Because of this book I finally understand the temper tantrums, the separation anxiety, the difficulty getting to sleep, the carbohydrate cravings. my sweet tooth, my excessive fears and especially my difficulty getting up in the morning and being irritable for quite a while after. Sorry I just went into such detail, but this book is blowing me away. My depression now is about at a 5; I wish I were at a 10 on the manic scale. Anyway, this particular morning this is how I'm dealing with the black crab in my brain. We're all there with you.

(((((biplol)))) Just to let you know, you are not on that rollercoaster alone. (I think I'm sitting next to you.) Keep hanging in there, someday the coaster might level out.
HUGS!

(((((((MP, Maureen, Comp))))))thanks so much guys, I feel a tiny better but I'm tired and my body really hurts.
Thanks you for sharing and being there for me~
~hugs~

((bipol))
I don't have much encouragement today for you. But, I do understand. And it is very exhausting to go high high high, then drop low low low.
In fact, it sucks.
But, I want you to remember...you have been high then dropped low and were able to manage it. Keep believing in yourself. Be mad @ the illness, not you!
Thinking of ya!

(((TS))) Thanks hon!
~hugs~

((((biplol))))

I am so sorry you are feeling so low. TS is right the highs and the lows are a complete nightmare, but hang in there because you WILL come out of this.............look after you in the meantime.

take care

Dear Biplol,
I apologize for not respnding in the last several days. I have been using my roommates's Mac and since he had a plethora of desktops, all of a sudden I couldn't even acess my e-mail account. I also am pre-menopausal (probably mid-menopasual; hopefully) and I was not exactly nice when I couldn't access this site. Of course, I accused him of being passive-agressive and having sabotaged my account (I delusionly was thinking that he was jealous that I was spending so much time finally with fellow bi-polars.) I felt horrible today when I came home when I realized that he had remove) 1/3 of his desktop in order to help me.
Chat with you soon.
Maureen