[updown]

I have been in a deep depression lately. I couldn't get out of bed today until mid afternoon. Feeling pretty empty and hopeless. I'm looking for work and had a big interview yesterday, applied to a couple jobs today and registered for this forum so all in all not a totally wasted day.

I don't know if I have the right meds and I need therapy but have no financial resources at this time. I have at least made it to a support group the last two weeks.

Originally Posted by Hopeful Camel

... Night Falls Fast was a great title for a book...

I've always thought it was a great title too.

Here…. well, not so good. I don't know if it's a crash, or the med "change" (different mfgr) catching up with me, but… I have ok moments, but far too much crying (Getting ready for work? At lunchtime? Going to bed?) and I usually couldn't even tell you why. Woke up late afternoon today. That wasn't the plan. Can't string two thoughts together. Etc. I've got something I'm pondering, and would write a post, but it would require too much thought and I've already gotten jack-diddly done today, and I think BF is frustrated with that and definitely would not appreciate me "goofing off" on the forums when there is so much to do. Just set it in front of me and keep it simple. So I better do that and maybe at some point (much later) throw the thought out to you all.

No surprise that the depression persists today and I feel like doing nothing but screwing around on the internet and watching t.v. (story of my life lately). Still planning on starting ECT on Friday. Gotta bite the bullet and get 'er done.

[Phoenix_1]

I'm back to sleeping all night through. I so hoped that spring time hypomania was starting. Bummer. I'm so tired of this depression. It's time for a change.

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[FaithlessCat]

Still rapid cycling .. Last week it was 16 hours sleep a day, this week it's 4 . But next pDoc appointment is in a week and I'll be effexor free ready to move onto the next step of treatment.

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[Roblovescats]

Wow I love getting older! My eyes are all jacked up and I can't see worth a doo doo. Other than that doing ok. Is it summer yet??????!!!!!!

Sent from the dark side of the moon

[tigersassy]

Confirmed that I'm in a mixed episode with my psych nurse. So I'm doing fan freakin' tastic. Not. Pcp has been called to let her know zyprexa isn't working either. By the time I get into the pdoc I'll already know what med in need. fml

Tig

[Standup2me]

Went to the eye doctor yesterday
I need bifocals
I am feeling old and cranky
...bifocals...gee whiz...

[Phoenix_1]

Originally Posted by Standup2me

Went to the eye doctor yesterday
I need bifocals
I am feeling old and cranky
...bifocals...gee whiz...

I've been wearing tri - focals since I was 35. I need the middle distance the tri-focals provide to see my computer at work. My brother went to bi - focals and found out that he couldn't see his computer. We're very nearsighted, so your situation might be different.

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[x_BabyG_x]

So tired the past few days have been a blur...

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[FaithlessCat]

Awww hugs xx

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[FaithlessCat]

Originally Posted by FaithlessCat

Awww hugs xx

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Originally Posted by Roblovescats

Wow I love getting older! My eyes are all jacked up and I can't see worth a doo doo. Other than that doing ok. Is it summer yet??????!!!!!!

Sent from the dark side of the moon

God i wish it were reduced chances of depression Thanks to a ton of vitamin D ... Sigh

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[swheaton]

I just started wearing progressives a couple of weeks ago. It's tough.

[Phoenix_1]

Originally Posted by swheaton

I just started wearing progressives a couple of weeks ago. It's tough.

Going downstairs is the absolute worst. It took me 3 weeks to get used to my progressives.

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[swheaton]

I think the headache got me.

[swheaton]

I had a good visit with the CBT today. My mood is good too..a lot more focus.

[venusss]

I discovered a fun fact. When I google "humanitární intervence" (czech for humanitatirian intervention), my thesis comes third on the top.

Which makes me feel like undiscovered political scientist.

[charo224488]

I'm so tired. It just came on so suddenly, the last few days. Like complete exhaustion, want to just lie down on the floor and never get up tired. Feel so weak and sad and tired. Feel like I am disappearing. Maybe that would be a blessing. Don't want to see anyone, do anything, think about anything. Just so very tired.

[tigersassy]

Feeling impulsive already this morning. I'm thinking things that could get me arrested. I need to maintain my impulse control. Today is going to be difficult. Yay for work and dealing with this.

Tig

[r010159]

Insomnia at 2:30 AM. Pacing around the house wondering what to do. Remembering bad things from the past.

[redbandit]

wayyy too hyper! Why can't I get energy in the day? It's always at night. I've gotten like an hour of sleep. At least today I'm off work.

[Moreta]

It was food pantry day today. Didn't have many people. The lady I've been talking to for the past 3 months was here today. She had to withdraw from school bc a lot of things are happening now and she said her dr thinks she has bipolar. So we talked about that for a while. She's starting a PHP in Monday and it's at a place I've been multiple times so I told her what to expect. They do DBT there so I tried to explain what I remembered. I feel slightly better about myself that I can help people.

Severe depression lingers. Having my first ECT tomorrow and just want to get it over with

[Notnrml85]

I've always been into all natural/safe/non-toxic cleaning and beauty stuff, but I've never really spent any time learning about it.

Yesterday I spent not hours, but the whole damn day researching DIY all natural, safe and non-toxic recipes for health and beauty products and for cleaning products.

Today so far I have scribbled down a full on business plan for a shop that caters to People who want to use these DIY products or for people who want to buy all the ingredients and make their own stuff at home. Sounds like fun right, unfortunately no matter how much amazingness could come from actually following through with this ridiculously manic idea, I know the second my depression hits I will be worse off than ever having all that responsibility and none of the drive or passion I feel right now.

Do I ever get to do anything amazing without being worried that when I'm low I won't be able to handle it? I've always dreamed of being an entrepreneur and I've taken a few business classes in community college, but I just feel like it would only work when I'm manic. And any other time it would be a huge chore and a burden.

I wonder if there's a way to induce mania and stay there as long as you like? Although then I'd be snappy and quippy to everyone I talked to and everyone would think I'm a witch with a B and then of course eventually I'd have no customers just like I have no real friends left.

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[tigersassy]

Second post on here today. Dr stopped zyprexa and started seroquel again. Back to being sleepy all the time. Yay!

Tig