[x_BabyG_x]

Today I am feeling thankful, grateful and positive for the good things in my life.
Happy Sunday everyone!

[Moreta]

Should be a fun day at work today. We're going to the Lazy 5 Ranch to see some animals. You get to feed them too. I am so tired though. Just popped some provigil so hopefully that will help.

Another day of crushing depression. I just don't see an end to this.

Definitely crawling my way out of the terrible depression of last week. Feeling much better today. Still having trouble with the basics but I have goals in mind. I think I will get more out of group this week too. I havent had nearly as much body soreness since the massage on the weekend and my attitude to being in hospital has changed. I had a real good nurse on today who pointed out my paranoia of last week and what is causing my SH thoughts to intensify (lack of control in a controlled environment - spot on the money). My boyfriend and parents are coming in to visit tomorrow night. I really should sleep now. I lose time online.

Feeling grateful today that I have access to such good services and treatment. I am very lucky.

[tigersassy]

Feeling overwhelmed. I don't know what is going on in my head. My mood is all over the place. I need to find a center point and maintain it. Mixed down up.... so what the f am I. I'm hearing people walking on the roof. I'm at work I can't let them know that I'm hearing those things. I have to be normal while I'm at work...

Tig

[Phoenix_1]

I have a part time job doing accounting for the son of a friend. It was supposed to be VERY part time - like 4 hours a week max. He told me that they were 4 months behind because the woman quit in December. Turns out everything she did was wrong. Horribly terribly wrong. So I have to go back to day 1 for the company, August 1, and re - enter absolutely everything again. It's a new company and their first day open was August 1, 2013. We switched software, so at least I have a clean slate to work with. My friend told me this job would be 4 hours a week. Haha not. I don't know that I'm up to doing all this work. I haven't worked since August and that job was a disaster due to my depression. I do not want or need a full time job. I said I'd help out is all. And I'm on disability. Some day I'll just have to learn to say no. I'm really not looking forward to going there today.

Sent from my Samsung Note II using Tapatalk

[Hbomb0903]

I wish I could find a way to stop hiding in my house. I went out this weekend to a really safe friend's house and saw my man. Nothing really does anything. I just don't care. My life is falling apart around me from being unemployed now, and I care but I can't seem to DO anything about it. It's ridiculous and I feel like a piece of garbage.

I could move back in with my Mom. She said I could, but it didn't go well before. We have a tense relationship but I was glad when she at least gave me the option.

It's like it was the last time this evil depression took me, I can't find any emotion or motivation. I call myself lazy, but I know I'm not because I built all this on my own industry when I was ok!!!

Frustrated....

[r010159]

Found out my next appt with pdoc is not for another month. I recently have been showing signs of mania, like driving recklessly, which is definitely not normal for me. I took extra 5mg tablet of Zyprexa which worked. But this is one pill less I will have to take in the future.

PS: Recently I have had to deal with boredome. I am running out of forums to participate in.

[littlemiss44]

I fear I'm hypo manic right now. Spent money at the casino last night.1000 bucks! Wow I can't believe I did that. Now I'm contributing to my money woes which makes my depression worse. I'm going to try and not think of the wreckage I just did cause I'm feeling alot of self hatred which I know is not healthy. Sigh. Wish me luck for my peace if mind.

Sent from my SGH-M919 using Tapatalk

Want to run and drive and buy and cook and do and watch and read and all now. Now. Typing is so slow. Frustrating... ted. Frustrated.

[swheaton]

Feeling pretty good..zero paranoia for the first time in months!

[MagicsMom]

Bad day today - the depression came back and I'm having side effects from the Tegretol. I'm hoping the depression is a quick thing because I just came out of a year long depression.

[Roblovescats]

All quiet on the western front.

Sent from the dark side of the moon

[Curiosity77]

I got the blood work results back for the patient that I got the needle stick injury from last week, and it's HIV negative! So I get to stop the awful medications. I'll still need blood tests to check at 6 weeks, 6 months, and 1 year, but my risk is pretty low. Feeling relieved!

[r010159]

It is late at night with another bout of insomnia. I am saying to myself: "Do not go on Amazon and buy something". I am now saying this over and over and over like a religious mantra. I need to be strong. I need to be strong. (OMG here I go again) It is like a very itchy scab that I am trying not to scratch. Fortunately, my debit card only has $30 on it. Then there is that credit card...

Got a bit dressed up tonight, my boyfriend and dad are coming in to have dinner with me... but the pdoc hasnt been in yet to see me and if he comes straight from his rooms when he is finished for the day to here, he'll get here right in time for dinner

Day has been pretty boring. I didnt go to the second half of group or art group cos there is a lady there who annoys me, I'd rather not deal with her so stayed online most of the day. Its easy to lose time online..

Otherwise mood is still ok-ish, had bad SH urges last night but eventually got to sleep. I hope Im tired enough to sleep tonight, I have been quite inactive today.

[Phoenix_1]

It's 3:30 am and I can't sleep. I've been up for 24 hours now. The last 2 nights I got 3 hours of sleep. Is this spring hypomania? I sure could use some right now. I'm tired of being depressed. I'm so tired but I can't sleep. My brain is racing faster and faster. Thinking about everything and nothing all at the same time. Sorry. If I don't make any sense it's because I'm so d*** exhausted. Hypomania, please come soon, just for a little while.

Sent from my Samsung Note II using Tapatalk

[Hopeful Camel]

Feeling much better than last night. Night Falls Fast was a great title for a book. But morning comes just as fast. I need to remember that.

[Standup2me]

Dragging my butt today. Not depressed, just no energy

[Phoenix_1]

The last 3 nights I've gotten only 3 hours sleep each night. I'm dragging my butt today too. Is this the start of hypomania? I hope so. It's been a very long time since I actually felt good.

Sent from my Samsung Note II using Tapatalk

[Sad&Bipolar]

Today I am a bit weepy, feeling frightened, and on the brink of crisis. Tomorrow I will see a new psychiatrist for a new patient evaluation. Being between docs is disconcerting. I feel like I am floating in limbo. I have had to change doctor and therapist at the same time and it has turned by world of moods upside down. Old ideations have resurfaced. I am hoping April will be a much better month for me.

Well, I guess I've made the decision to have ECT treatments for my bipolar depression which has been going on since August. Friday should be the first treatment. I'm really scared and feel like a loser for having to go to such lengths.

[x_BabyG_x]

Long day at work. Exhausted. In bed by 8pm!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Notnrml85]

Been really tired the last few days no matter how much or how little I sleep. Been in a mixed episode for weeks but I'm in a downswing right now. I can just tell cause I don't even feel like watching tv. I've just been sitting there staring at a blank tv not doing anything. I feel exhausted and unmotivated but I also feel anxious, irritable with a quick & irrational temper and have racing thoughts and am over-analyzing everything. It's like everything is severely amplified and more dramatically terrible and more disruptive to my daily routine.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[charo224488]

Originally Posted by newgal2

Well, I guess I've made the decision to have ECT treatments for my bipolar depression which has been going on since August. Friday should be the first treatment. I'm really scared and feel like a loser for having to go to such lengths.

How about playing with the meds before ect? Will your doc allow you to add a new antidepressant? And get rid of lamictal? Wellbutrin never works for me. And lamictal made me so down (until I had an allergic rx to it and had to stop it). You should try an SNRI, like cymbalta. I know that when I am on just antidepressants and no mood stabilizers or antipsychotics it brings me out of depression fast. I do still use xanax during that time to sleep and keep the panic attacks manageable, but if I keep the dose under 1 mg it doesn't make me depressed. If none of this works then go for the ect- people say it is a miracle. Don't be scared! You are so brave to consider it- you can get through this! Best of luck to you.