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#926
Apr 11, 2014, 09:44 AM
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this depressive phase continues. I'm beginning to dread weekends because I feel like everyone else is out having fun and I'm basically doing nothing (watching t.v. which doesn't interest me or being on the internet). Just an intense feeling of wanting to feel alive but knowing I can't do a damn thing about it right now.
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#927
Apr 11, 2014, 09:51 AM
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Anxious, Afraid, Exhausted, Empty.
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#928
Apr 11, 2014, 10:07 AM
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I can't focus at all. I'm like a bee flying from one flower to another. The attention span of a gnat. I need to gain control over my focus but I've no idea how. Work is not going by quick enough I'm bored and all over the place.
Tig
__________________
PTSD possible bipolar Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin  |
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#929
Apr 11, 2014, 03:51 PM
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Awake
Out of bed Dressed so far, that is a pretty good day |
 MotherMarcus, Phoenix_1
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#930
Apr 11, 2014, 03:52 PM
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Quote:
Either you're manic or you're trying to make us think you are. 
__________________
"Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can see the top." -Wildflower http://missracgel.wixsite.com/bearhugs |
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#931
Apr 11, 2014, 04:12 PM
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Quote:
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#932
Apr 11, 2014, 04:33 PM
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Can't get the involuntary hospitalization out of my head, even though it was only for about 9 hours. Every time I see headlights I think it's cops coming to get me. I accidentally enabled the bluetooth on my cell, and it had this weird symbol on it all the time and I thought it looked like an ambulance symbol so I thought the cops were tracking me until I figured out what it was. My head is killing me. I texted my dr. to apologize for being such a huge ***** yesterday (although I am still so angry) and he didn't answer the text, so now I feel alone and terrified. This depression is becoming agonizing pain that I don't think I can endure.
__________________
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 Anonymous200280, Anonymous45023, MotherMarcus, PoorPrincess, swheaton
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#933
Apr 11, 2014, 05:57 PM
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I don't know what is going on. I'm confused. Maybe I am manic, a bit. My wife thinks so too. Can't do anything about it though because I have no psychiatrist to call until the 21st. I just get to ride it I guess.
Tig
__________________
PTSD possible bipolar Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin |
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#934
Apr 11, 2014, 09:55 PM
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Quote:
Sorry to hear of your involuntary hospitalization. Even if it was 'only' 9 hours, that can be like being in jail ... not a nice experience, period. Take good care. -------------- I dealt all day again with medical coverage/insurance stuff, with the State. I'm of the belief that I am at such a degraded level of my being that there is no doctor anywhere who can accurately assess and no therapist who can advise, were I ever to get the medical coverage in this State. I just really really want to go home to the warm Gulf Coast and to my own doctors who know me ... or, the me that was before I was eclipsed.
__________________
Traveling west back toward Eden (interestingly the wise men in the Gospel account of Jesus' birth came from the East), has been full of confrontation with the trials and tribulations of living outside the Garden. She is an artist without doubt disappointed that paradise was not as close in 1969 as she and so many others hoped it was. Her work is now filled with the reality of humanity's failure to achieve the prophetic dream of her song, but never without the hope that that day will yet come. |
| charo224488
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#935
Apr 12, 2014, 09:52 AM
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Am still depressed but trying to have a new outlook on life: any activity I do outside of my comfortable but unhealthy zone is a small victory, especially leaving the house and being around people. For example, I went on a mile walk with my dogs and husband this morning and am doing a load of laundry, watered the plants. These are all small victories that I shouldn't discount. My comfort zone is being on the internet and watching t.v. Also, I am keeping myself alive and out of bed as long as possible (don't ever do that during the daytime). So, small victories at this point in my mental health journey. Actually, keeping myself alive is a HUGE victory in the scheme of things. And I must try not to beat myself up too much during those times I stay in the unhealthy comfort zone for too long. Does me no good. Have to accept that sometimes, more often than I want, the depression wins.
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| charo224488, MotherMarcus, PoorPrincess, SillyKitty
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| Moreta, MotherMarcus
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#937
Apr 12, 2014, 01:53 PM
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Doing okay, seeing as how I was inpatient a little over a week ago. Back in php, but it's the same one I was in a couple years ago, and I liked it. Feeling a little down, but prob just lazy because it's second cup of coffee time and I don't feel like getting in the car and going to get any.
__________________
RX and Daily meds: Vraylar 1.5mg daily, Gabapentin 900mg daily General Anxiety Disorder; Panic Disorder (unspecified); Borderline Personality Disorder; Schizoaffective Disorder/Bipolar Type; Fibromyalgia; Sleep Apnea "putting on a brave face, trying to ignore the voices in the back of my head" - Gotye |
| charo224488, PoorPrincess
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#938
Apr 12, 2014, 02:13 PM
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I actually dusted my apartment - my most hated chore. I washed the floors and cleaned the bathroom. I'm taking a break and then I'll vacuum. Yay me!
Sent from my Samsung Note II using Tapatalk
__________________
Dx: BP2 with GAD and OCD Seroquel 100 mg Risperdal 0.5 mg Clonazepam (Klonopin) 1.5 mg Buspar 5 mg Lamictal 200 mg Coversyl Plus for high blood pressure Crestor for high cholesterol Asmanex Ventolin  |
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#939
Apr 12, 2014, 09:11 PM
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Quote:
. Bravo! Phoenix! Kudos.
__________________
Traveling west back toward Eden (interestingly the wise men in the Gospel account of Jesus' birth came from the East), has been full of confrontation with the trials and tribulations of living outside the Garden. She is an artist without doubt disappointed that paradise was not as close in 1969 as she and so many others hoped it was. Her work is now filled with the reality of humanity's failure to achieve the prophetic dream of her song, but never without the hope that that day will yet come. |
| Phoenix_1
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#940
Apr 12, 2014, 09:44 PM
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Go Phoenix!!
Be proud |
| Phoenix_1
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#941
Apr 13, 2014, 06:42 AM
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Have a birthday party for a going to be 5 year old. Am hoping that theres enough going on that my brain stays busy. Otherwise it is going to be a long day. I'm all over the place already this morning. I just want to be able to focus. I'm either too fuzzy from meds or all over the place. I'm thinking thoughts that probably are not true, and I'm trying to remember that. I'm trying to ground my thoughts but it's difficult.
Tig
__________________
PTSD possible bipolar Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin |
| PoorPrincess, shezbut, SillyKitty
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#942
Apr 13, 2014, 08:13 AM
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My neck and shoulder are hurting so badly I want to cry, but hopefully the Tylenol will start working soon. My meds wanted me to sleep longer than I did, so I'm stumbling around...literally. But otherwise doing great!
__________________
RX and Daily meds: Vraylar 1.5mg daily, Gabapentin 900mg daily General Anxiety Disorder; Panic Disorder (unspecified); Borderline Personality Disorder; Schizoaffective Disorder/Bipolar Type; Fibromyalgia; Sleep Apnea "putting on a brave face, trying to ignore the voices in the back of my head" - Gotye |
| PoorPrincess, shezbut, shortandcute
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#943
Apr 13, 2014, 08:53 AM
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depression continues. Struggled to get out of bed this a.m. Will probably wrap up my internet use now and go watch t.v. (my other default activity as of late)
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| shezbut
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#944
Apr 13, 2014, 08:56 AM
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Too early to tell. Think I'll be okay today.
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| Phoenix_1
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#947
Apr 13, 2014, 05:47 PM
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There is no thing that I can do anymore, save eat something (don't enjoy), use the toilet (yay), and pace pace pace. I have no capacity, no tolerance for tv (even great old B&W movies), not even for the internet, music, radio.
__________________
Traveling west back toward Eden (interestingly the wise men in the Gospel account of Jesus' birth came from the East), has been full of confrontation with the trials and tribulations of living outside the Garden. She is an artist without doubt disappointed that paradise was not as close in 1969 as she and so many others hoped it was. Her work is now filled with the reality of humanity's failure to achieve the prophetic dream of her song, but never without the hope that that day will yet come. |
| Anonymous45023, charo224488
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#948
Apr 13, 2014, 07:19 PM
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Tiger - if you are having a b.day party for a bunch of 5 year olds...
you sure are a lot braver than me |
| PoorPrincess, swheaton
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#949
Apr 13, 2014, 07:38 PM
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After a great day yesterday I spent most of today sleeping. Oh well. One step forward two steps back.
Sent from my Samsung Note II using Tapatalk
__________________
Dx: BP2 with GAD and OCD Seroquel 100 mg Risperdal 0.5 mg Clonazepam (Klonopin) 1.5 mg Buspar 5 mg Lamictal 200 mg Coversyl Plus for high blood pressure Crestor for high cholesterol Asmanex Ventolin |
| PoorPrincess
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#950
Apr 13, 2014, 08:13 PM
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Quote:
Tig
__________________
PTSD possible bipolar Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin |
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