[Desafinado]

Hey all,

Have posted a few times at this forum now, haven't really become acquainted with too many people so I'll re-hash my history a bit. I was diagnosed back around 2007 and had a few rocky years ridding myself of a bunch of bad habits and getting my medication about right. By about 2012 I reached a pretty good level of stability, largely rid myself of a lot of the social anxiety that had plagued me for years, and things aren't too bad.

That said, I am still very aware that I have a 'busy' mind. I seem to over-think just about everything, I seem to have reactions to negative events in my life that exceed what they need to be, and on the whole I experience more stress than I think is normal for an average person.

It almost feels like I have two lives, pre and post diagnosis. Before I was more or less oblivious, floating along, and then after the diagnosis I treaded down this long, weird path of psychosis, paranoia, and anxiety while desperately searching for the elusive 'normal'.. 'stable', back to the pre diagnosis state of comfortable oblivion to my mood.

And now, as far as I've come, I feel like I'm an empty skeleton of my former self. I'm smart enough to meet the challenges of my day to day life, to maintain relationships, and establish an appearance of 'normal', but inside I'm on auto-pilot survival mode reacting to the obstacles that come at me, and trying to keep my mind calm enough toward the 'big' things.

I suppose this thread has turned out to be about more than my 'busy' mind, in addition I'm also starting to feel pretty isolated and alone in my own crazy world, and I guess it's nice to hear from people who might 'get it' to some degree.

[kaliope]

something that really helped me with my overactive mind and negative emotions was DBT. it really taught me how to sort thru and discover what the issues were, to be mindful, and not react to situations. I know it is a treatment for BPD but I found it very helpful for my PTSD reactions. take care.

Because the other part of my reply might be long I'll start with the busy mind. Usually if I get to overthinking or have 'racing thoughts', I probably need to talk to my dr as that points towards me having mixed or hypomania coming on. I also will write mythoughts long hand in a journal to get the thoughts out of my head.

As for the other part of your message. I lived 43 years before BP showed up in my life. At least thats how it seemed. Life was fine, I drifted along with a few minor depressions nothing big, raised my kids, moveda bunch of times. Then BAM I got sick in 2006. 2 manias 2 depressions, dr visits, a dx of bp and anxiety, a handful of psychotropic drugs and life has never been the same since. I miss the old me, even if I wasnt great, I was ok. Now its an everyday thing. How do I feel today? Am I ok today? I spend money on dr visits and meds and gas to get to appts that I'd love to spend on fun things.

It is what it is. So I do what I have to do to stay healthy. I have 2 sons, both getting married this summer. One day I will be a grandmother, which I look forward to. My family means everything to me, bipolar wont keep me from being a part of it.

[Desafinado]

Originally Posted by kaliope

something that really helped me with my overactive mind and negative emotions was DBT. it really taught me how to sort thru and discover what the issues were, to be mindful, and not react to situations. I know it is a treatment for BPD but I found it very helpful for my PTSD reactions. take care.

Thanks for the reminder. That was something I started looking into a while back, but I think it might be time to go back to it, and take it a little more seriously this time.

Funny that you mention BPD.. a while back I was doing some research and found that my personality may have slight elements of BPD, and that BPD symptoms are common in people with Bipolar.

[Desafinado]

Originally Posted by emomom

Because the other part of my reply might be long I'll start with the busy mind. Usually if I get to overthinking or have 'racing thoughts', I probably need to talk to my dr as that points towards me having mixed or hypomania coming on. I also will write mythoughts long hand in a journal to get the thoughts out of my head.

As for the other part of your message. I lived 43 years before BP showed up in my life. At least thats how it seemed. Life was fine, I drifted along with a few minor depressions nothing big, raised my kids, moveda bunch of times. Then BAM I got sick in 2006. 2 manias 2 depressions, dr visits, a dx of bp and anxiety, a handful of psychotropic drugs and life has never been the same since. I miss the old me, even if I wasnt great, I was ok. Now its an everyday thing. How do I feel today? Am I ok today? I spend money on dr visits and meds and gas to get to appts that I'd love to spend on fun things.

It is what it is. So I do what I have to do to stay healthy. I have 2 sons, both getting married this summer. One day I will be a grandmother, which I look forward to. My family means everything to me, bipolar wont keep me from being a part of it.

Thanks for the reply. For me I think there's a combination of two things, the first is Bipolar and the second is intelligence. The combination of those two things has caused me to be both restless, bored, and a little whacked out.