[Crazycatlady82]

Does everyone experience lack of response when asking for help.
I have been mostly stable over the years on my meds. I have managed to stay
Working full time and with the same company for 6 years. The last 2 years have gone progressively down hill. My moods are out of control, I can go up and down multiple times in a day, I have constant negative thoughts, suicidal thoughts, wishing for something bad to happen to me. I cry on and off throughout the day, and usually at times or in places that aren't appropriate. I don't like leaving the house, going to work, or doing anything really. I still do, but it feels like the simplest things take huge amounts of energy and have missed 8 weeks of work since September. I am always so exhausted. I tried to reach out to some friends and they either just say "everything will be fine" or they don't take me seriously, or they listen once and then don't talk to me or follow up for weeks. I feel like I need to be taken care of somehow, like in the hospital and change meds or have someone with me to help me with some of the daily things I can't seem to do. I don't know how to explain to anyone how serious this is, no one is getting it. My anxiety is so high, I am having full body tremors and twitches which has never happened to me before. I don't want to lose my job, I just can't fail at ine more thing.

[niceguy]

I am so sorry to hear this. I am
More than happy to listen. Not sure I will be much help. However, I'm always here - anytime. Probs your friends don't know what to say, or don't realize the extent of it. I know anxiety very well. My brother, told
Me to stop getting stressed and calm down. Nt helpful, my mum said ' well stop acting that way' Love to both of them, but no idea- it's not controllable.
Is there anyone you can go to councillor-wise? They know how to help. Also, they will listen...

Sometimes family and friends simply don't know how to constructively help a person with a mental illness, even if they love that person dearly. After all, there's no tangible "cause" that can be easily identified and fixed. It's also hard to give advice to a person with MI without hurting him.

Also, you said that you feel like you "need to be taken care of somehow". Have you talked to your psychologist and psychiatrist? What have they suggested? Do they think that you should be hospitalized? It really sounds like you need professional help at this stage, and these are things that non-professionals like family and friends might feel utterly clueless about.

Furthermore, it might be a lot to expect a friend or family member to be something like a "caretaker". Rather, maybe you could break down the things that want help with, and ask different people to help with different things.

I have bipolar disorder. When I ask for help, I first think about a specific way that someone might help me, and then ask for that. For example, I might ask one person to help me cook a meal because I'm feeling particularly clumsy/disoriented. I'll ask another friend to take a walk with me in a secluded place because that helps me clear my head. If I'm at a social gathering and am afraid of drinking too much, I'll ask my boyfriend to make sure that he keeps me away from the alcohol. When I'm with him, he makes sure that I don't forget to take my medication.

I don't ask too much of any one person, and I ask for very concrete things. People have been so much more responsive this way. They say that now they know how to help, whereas in the past when I just said "I need help", they interpreted that as a general frustration with the world (which all people experience), and tried consoling me by saying "everything will be ok".

Good luck. I am here if you ever want to talk. Take care.

i don't really have anyone to ask anymore.

family are against even speaaking to me anymore after finding out i'm memntally ill, and i've no friends apart from online.

and even when i ask them, it's like i'm bottom of their list.... guess i was always classsed as a fail

[ginaaa22]

so sorry your family doesnt support you or help you. My family lives 4 hours away so they cant come over and help me.

[Buffal0gal]

I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. Know that you are not alone. I think what would help you the most is learning to take care of yourself. You need to know that you ARE strong enough to stabilize yourself. Any little thing will help. Try journaling, daily affirmations, meditation, light therapy, what ever it takes to turn those negative thoughts into positive ones. You are WORTH it, you DESERVE happiness.

I feel the same way, in fact I was suicidal 3 weeks ago and was hospitalized for it. I am feeling better but not great, so in order to get out of bed and go to work, i tell myself "today is going to be a good day, you are okay today, you deserve to be happy" try to turn the negative thinking into positive thinking.

I hope you find peace and happiness soon. You have a whole community of people here for you anytime you need them!

[Crazycatlady82]

Thank you for all of your responses. I have been in counselling on and off since I was 8 years old, the latest therapist I lost as I work a screwy schedule and missed too many appointments. I have a great pdoc, takes a long time to see him tho, still waiting for a cancelled appt where they will fit me in. I have been sick for many years, so I do know it ebbs and flows. Just hard to get out. And I have never asked friends or family for help before in all these years. I never know what to ask for exactly, because when I am in an especially sick time I don't even know what I need.

[nycgal448]

I am rel sorry you feel so bad, I cannot talk to my family
either, as the words mentally ill is embarassing and pointless
to them. I do have friends, sometimes I will speak to them,
but not the same as my T and my pdoc. Try and see if u
can in to see ur doc asap, let them know that it is Urgent
that u see him or ask him to at least call u back and talk.
Try and keep urself busy as possible w anything. Hope
u get better soon.

[gayleggg]

I only ask my husband if I need help or my pdoc. My husband is the only one that sees the impact my depression has on me and he tries to do as much as possible to make sure I don't feel pressured. He's also the only one I lose my temper at. lol I would never ask my friends for help, I don't think they would understand.

[Alone & confused]

I understand what you're going through! I have to put myself in "time out" when I get like that. I just push the world aside for awhile (it will all be there when I get back.) & Focus on getting myself together. Alot of words beginning with "re" comes to mind. Retreat, relax, regroup, refocus, regain control, & restart when you feel refreshed. That is my mantra. When I'm overwhelmed, it helps me to take a step back, wrap my head around something else for awhile & then go back to my old situation with a new perspective. I hope things get better for you soon!

Originally Posted by Crazycatlady82

I never know what to ask for exactly, because when I am in an especially sick time I don't even know what I need.

I empathize. During periods of relative stability, I review or edit my self-care journal. It contains instructions and schedules for times when I am especially sick and incapable of constructive thought and action. Hence, I at least have an idea of the very basics that I'll need during a time of crisis, e.g. sleep, the right food, medication, fresh air, a walk, etc. These things can really help and are often overlooked during a breakdown.

Here are some things that are in my book:

1) Three trusted people I can call. Even if they can't help me concretely, they i) will coax me into calling a therapist or psychiatrist (or finding a new one), ii) make sure that I'm not binge-spending, binge-drinking, etc.
2) Numbers for my therapist, psychiatrist, and a suicide help hotline.
3) Tips for dealing with hypomania so that it doesn't spiral into actual mania or a psychotic break.
4) Small steps to get myself moving when I'm depressed. As some people say, depression can't hit a moving target. Every little step helps.
5) Foods to avoid & foods to eat
6) A list of medications, doses, and side effects
7) Passages and notes that console me and give me hope
8) Checklist of materials to compile before meeting with a psychiatrist or doctor (since I'm really scattered when I'm sick).
9) Routines to simplify my life so that I can at least focus on taking care of the basics, and build up from there.
10) Three achievable short-term goals for my life. Sometimes I'll brainstorm steps that I can take to achieve them. This gives me something to look forward to, and be happy about. I try not to be hard on myself if I can't achieve them without stumbling
11) Three long-term goals
12) Lastly, I tell myself to reach out to someone -- anyone -- no matter how miserable I'm feeling, and to be kind or helpful to them in some way. This could be as small a thing as holding a door open, or writing a supportive message to someone on an online forum. It always makes me feel happier.

Good luck, and feel free to talk to me anytime.

[Gus1234U]

it sounds to me like you need a med review and likely a change of meds. most people experience an end to the efficacy of meds, eventually. it might be physical changes, or just adaptation. but that would be my first suggestion, if you were stable for so long.

best wishes ~
Gus

[Roblovescats]

I don't think or expect that anyone who has not experienced what we have could possibly know what to say or do in order to help. When someone tells me to "cheer up" it's usually the last words out of their mouth before I fantasize punching them square in the nose! Sorry I would never actually get violent. They probably think their words help because I quickly smile as I imagine them suffering the wrath of my cheerful fist. Whacko. Oh gosh did that hurt? Well cheer up it'll stop hurting when the pain goes away. Fantasy can be so therapeutic at times. (I do not condone or encourage violence)

Sent from the dark side of the moon

sometimes we don't think people will understand us. but we have to give them a chance. if you keep things inside and don't tell anybody it makes things worse. sometimes you push them away, when you really want them.. and they see you pushing them away, and don't know what to do ,people who love you will always be there for you.. you just have to let them . and maybe together with therapist and your md.. you can feel better..

[gris212]

Seek another therapist soon that will help. As much as family and friends sometimes try to help unless they have a mental illness themselves they will never fully understand. But it helps alot just having someone listen or give you a hug. Tell them they can be there for you to just hear you out.

I have 3 younger sisters and I don't think they'll ever fully grasp my BP even though my mom also suffers from it. I sometimes feel like they think I can just put a bandaid on it and everything will be okay.
Do you think you need to change your meds? Higher dosages? Is there anything that makes you feel better? Going for a walk, reading, working out?