[Lobster Hands]

Did you spend most of your time inside and alone? I'm just wondering because I feel alone even on this site.

[wildflowerchild25]

Hmmm...I can say as a teenager I did spend an inordinate amount of time alone. I spent a lot of time on forums and chatting with my online friends and not much with IRL friends. Straight up until my senior year, I suppose. Then I started dating an older guy so I was out fairly often with him and his friends, but honestly I never helped the immense loneliness I felt. Probably because we didn't have a good relationship.

When I was 20 I was dating my now husband so once again I was out often. But honestly if I had never met him I would have been alone all the time. I'm terrible at making my own friends. Even now I only hang out with my brother and his girlfriend and only because we live with them.

[Curiosity77]

When i was 20 i had a bad substance abuse problem, and i was severely depressed. I dropped out of university and i couldn't work. I was in a relationship, and he was the only person i would interact with. I would pretty much stay home all the time, do drugs, and cry a lot. I lost touch with all my friends and family, and i was totally isolated. My life was hell. That was the worst period of my life, and it lasted a year.I ended up getting admitted to an inpatient concurrent disorders hospital and i stayed there 6 months. I was the youngest person there and it was really scary. I was misdiagnosed with major depression. That was a long time ago, thankfully, and my life is much better now. My other most severe episodes were at 18, 29, and 34.

I'm 37 now, and i have a couple close friends who also have bipolar, so that helps. I met one in college when i was 21, and the other through nursing when i was 30. I have other friends too, but the ones with bipolar are the closest because we understand each other. I still get lonely, but it's nothing like the isolation i felt at 20.

I hope you can find some supportive people.



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At 20 I was very outgoing and social. I did have wild mood swings - later found out I am bipolar.

[misskrome]

When I was 20, it was 2001, starting my second year of college, working and doing homework so I didn't have a lot of time to get into too much trouble. It was the first (and only) time I tried LSD and became a stronger, angrier, more relentless, more obsessive version of myself. I was always grouchy. I was sober, busy and grouchy. I was more trusting and social back then. Lots of people took advantage of me, too. I never leave the house, these days, unless I have to. Face-to-face socialization exhausts me.

[Axiom]

I had severe depressions from the age of 15 until my bipolar kicked in somewhere between the age of 19 and 21, I think. But somehow I still managed to be very social until I was about 20.

[MagicsMom]

I was very social at 20 but spent a lot of my time with friends abusing substances. I didn't really start to be alone until I was 25. I had bipolar at 14 but didn't get diagnosed until recently at 44.

At 20, I was legal to drink in Florida so went out a lot. Was in a relationship but was not faithful when he was out of town. I was working in a restaurant and going to college. Very busy, social, not shy.
Gee I wonder where that girl went?

[Suddz]

At 20 I was a wild man living in a duplex with my best friend Bob. I was in a rock band. I was going out with 2 girls at once. Doing any kind of drug that came my way that didn't involve needles. And I drank a lot... all pre diagnosis. Sex, drugs, and rock n roll! At 23 i hit rock bottom and was living in my beat up van (down by the river... lol). And by the time I was 25 I was alone living in an old trailer in Fenton Missouri with no heat. Then my parents talked me into moving to Northern Virginia so I could go to Community College.

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[Suddz]

It was 1984 when I was 20... what a geezer!

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[THE16THDOCTOR]

I'm 31 one. When I was 20 was when the hard onset of my bipolar began. I was either unbelievably manic or isolated and depressed. I would spends days to weeks at a time avoiding all contact. Or I'd go wild. Meds leveled it out but it was rough. You'll get through it. It's a difficult process. Super difficult.

[MilitaryMech]

Let's see.... I was a LCPL in the US Marines. I was stationed at Camp Lejeune NC.

I had always been depressive, never had many friends. When the other guys would go out, I would stay in and watch TV or play on the Internet (1999!!! Dial-up!!!) I was always the DD. I got called at 3am every Sat, Sun, Mon to go get guys from the bars.

I met my now ex-wife online. I was unable to meet people in social settings. You'd laugh, but I was paralyzed with fear of walking up to a girl and just saying hi. Yet give me someone I knew and I'd never shut up.

[Victoria'smom]

At 20, I was in animation school, half naked, hanging out with a 30 something year old that had a wife, and many other guys that did drugs recreationally. I would come home to yell and scream at how my husband was raising our son, shower, change and leave. The 30 something would make sure I'd get home safely and never let me out of his sight. They started to realize something was up. . At some point the 30 yr old went and told my husband that he hasn't ever given me drugs, have never seen me take drugs, but doubts i even know whats going on. He was covering for me at school but they'll worried im doing drugs. Eventually it be He'd hand me over to my husband at night, make sure I got to school , hand me over to another friend to make sure I ate. Whenever I got to much for them they'd throw me in the pool. My husband was asked if I do coke. When the 30 year old saw my husband sincerely asking me if I actually wanted to be with him and me just screaming he came to my husband's rescues and drugged me to sleep. At some point I came down. My husband requested I get help but that went no where because the only thing we could figure out was my ED and I was not under weight enough.

I was outgoing and in college but anxiety had begun to creep up so I was worried a lot. For the most part though I was pretty happy as I thought the anxiety was a faze.

I did begin to spend more and more time alone as it progressed though and I eventually cut off all my friends due to embarrassment.

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[redbandit]

20 was a very interesting year for me....I got engaged and unengaged within 6 months, dated several other guys that year. Wrecked my car after fighting with the ex (accidental car crash btw), then ended up in a psych hospital.

[feferock]

I was always at home with my new baby so I was sleep deprived and busy

Fefe(28) -bipolar II
Hubby(28)
Son(8)-aspergers and possibly ADHD and odd
Daughter(5)

[TheHuffnpuff]

When I was 18 my dad bought me a car. Not many kids in town had cars, so some of those that didn't became my friend. When they wanted to party I was invited along because I was the transport. I also have a pretty sister, she attracted some cool guys, they became my friends too. The friends stuck, when I was 20 I was still pretty much partying it up with these friends, but at the same time studying. I used to go out to nightclubs and pool halls with my friends, we had a lot of fun together. I'm not much of an outgoing person, but discovered alcohol helped me be more outgoing, whenever I was with my friends we'd be having a few drinks, I think alcohol helped us all relate to each other better. I'm 46 now and rarely drink these days, I have the odd beer or glass of wine here and there, but tend to have a few more than usual when friends come around.

[Mayla8]

I am 20 right now.. and it is kind of lonely, yes.

[Crazycatlady82]

When I was 20, I was pregnant, and during pregnancy my mental health was the best it has ever been, before and since. I was always a social butterfly, every day out with friends until the past 2 years or so (I am 31 now)

[A Red Panda]

I started university when I was 20. It was the first year of my life where I felt "alright" and felt like I could try to be myself more... I was away from home. I spent some time in my ups and had relatively little stress when compared to the rest of my life.

[venusss]

I was always sorta lonely, even around people. Soulmates are hard to come by.

I was finnishing HS after year as exchange student in the USA, trying to figure out where to go next. Add being culturally shocked and torn to the usual mix. Was girl who read Kafka, drank mixture of very strong ginger tea (not the kind of you drink when cold, so strong that it probably killed me taste buds. And I eat powdered ginger too in high quantitifes) and energy drinks which made me spend most of the last two years of high school. I experimented with other stuff too.

Had ideals, but was already losing some of them, was clashing with people and had strong escapist urges (that eventually led to manic travels, something I will always treasure), lots of angst and sadness.

Maybe I am more at peace now. Less high, more sad, wiser, much older in the soul... and much less hopeful in general.

[misskrome]

Another thing that I noticed: When I was 20, my long-time pals always had time to hang out. At 33, no one has time anymore. I haven't heard from several good pals in years Everyone just got so busy and I felt left behind. Remember the good ol' days of your early 20's, when you went on adventures with friends and partied. You're gonna miss them a decade later No one in their 30's has time for anything. They're all raising kids, going back to school, working, etc. Proximity becomes the glue that holds relationships together. If you live an hour away, you're likely never going to hear from anyone. Next block over and they'll be pestering you (in a good way) every day. I quit social media a year ago because I got fed up with it and it felt like poison to my soul. My friends have my phone number. They know where I live. Who doesn't have 5 mins once a year to drop me a line? Nobody is that damn busy. Luckily, I have my three close friends and best friend to support me these days, but they are people who, for lack of a better phrase... don't have much of a life... same as me. In my early 20's I was all career-oriented. Starting a family was something I never wanted to think about, nor desired in any way. I wanted to have a badass career and live comfortably in my own big house with a nice car; to come home to my pets every day and sit and chill in the peace and quiet. I would say that the third decade is a nasty introduction to disappointment and failure, which is why many of my friends had to go back to school and still have crappy jobs I miss being 20. I was fearless and stronger. Life molded me into a useless ball of paralyzed mush after awhile. You get beaten down every day for three decades, you eventually just want to die. You make impressively responsible decisions and do everything right only to have injuries and disease take all of your hard work away in a second. You just get to the point to where you see that fighting is pointless because you're just going to do it forever. Once you get to the point to where you HOPE there isn't an afterlife because you are THAT tired of being aware, then you know where I'm coming from.

[Trippin2.0]

Uhm... let's see.
I had a 1 year old, was working fulltime and still made time to socialize even though it meant no sleeping at times.

If I had to sum it up, I was friendly, outgoing, extremely social and fiercely independent, unstoppable

Heading for the big 3.0 this year, and while I don't miss my early 20's because I made my worst personal decisions then, I do miss that drive and motivation I had. That determination to live a great life.

Now I'm tired from all these internal battles, see my friends when I can (as mentioned above priorities change so people have less time for eachother) and exert my energy on trying to find the cheat codes to working with bipolar disorder because I don't want to be broke for the rest of my damn life. *sigh

[worthit]

At 20 I was 3 years married and both of us were professional ballet dancers in Germany. I had an eating disorder that put me 2 weeks in hospital and that was the start of the psychotic stuff although I had PTSD since age 8.

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[Sue C]

1976 - Disco, 8 track tapes, cocaine .Upper middle class and felt to some degree entitled.No goals in life other than what I wanted to do that day. Was still hopelessly obsessed-with my first love; an on again off again one sided relationship, which started when I was 14. No computers, cell phones, cable TV. I was a loner that would spend day in day out brooding for the most part; thinking if this is all there is to life- just enduring day after day. Always felt different; disconnected.

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