seem to have lost the ability to make/keep friends

I know I as a person havent really changed, I've always been quirky but well liked, funny and outgoing but it seems recently people just give me a wide berth.

I don't know what to do anymore, I know I am not being myself, its a deliberate action on my part because it seems that where I live now me being me is just not 'acceptable'

I moved around quite a bit over my life but had great friends in my 20's which I had to leave when I moved, then again great friends in my 30's but again moved.

I have been where I live now for almost 7 years, I have got involved in many things in the community, School Parents Association, Scouts, the local Gym but it seems at this age ( 40 ) almost everyone my age is well settled and I don't seem to fit in.

I'm very open minded, have piercings, love Rock Music and I love my ps3/ps4 and gaming online... not quite the Rural Irish 'Mammy' I'm surrounded by.
I get on very well with my neighbours but they seem to find me 'too much'.
I am married and have a son but they both have Aspergers so like to keep to themselves.

It seems since my official diagnosis people think Im either crazy or see my mental health issues as a weakness or both.

I am so lonely ATM

I have had one good/close online friend for the last 10 years but that was far from healthy. He is a narcissistic sociopath who I now realise has systematically pulled me away from any other people I met through gaming etc and over the past few days I have finally found the strength to break the ties and now can see the damage that realationship has done. I have pulled away from people, turned offers down in favour of gaming with him and now I guess they have given up trying to engage with me.

I feel like there is this girl inside me who is screaming to be heard who just wants someone to chat with, to be heard and have fun.

I thought my DX was a great thing but slowly I am seeing that maybe it is ruining who I am

Hello FaithlessCat: Your post reminded me of an article I read several years ago in the editorial section of one of our local newspapers. It was by an older woman (more my age than yours). When she & her husband retired, they moved to a small town. She thought that she would make new friends & that they would enjoy the slower pace. What she found was that everyone her age already had long-established friendships & they weren't interested in getting to know her. She got a part-time job at a local fast-food restaurant. Most of her co-workers were teenagers & young adults. So this is who she ended up being friends with; & she got invited to all of the bridal & baby showers, etc.

I don't have any friends (acquaintances, but no friends.) And I don't do anything to try to acquire any. Although I sometimes think it would be nice to have friends, it just seems to work out best for me if I keep to myself. So I do. It seems like you're doing everything right by being active in your community. But it also sounds like you're surrounded by people who don't quite march to the same drummer as you do, so to speak.

You mentioned that your diagnosis seems to be off-putting. Do you tell people about it? Perhaps you should be less forthcoming. It's unfortunate. But I think the reality of the situation is that most people still hold allot of prejudice when it comes to mental illnesses. I don't share anything of this nature with anyone. Best wishes...

I've been feeling really lonely as well. I have people I talk to and am friendly with at work but no one I hang out with outside that. I try to fit in places like my Bible study but everyone is at different stages in their life and I can't relate to anyone. I had a really close friend but I moved about a year ago. Not far but she has a small child and it was hard for us to get together. We've only texted a couple times since Christmas. I don't like the same things other people my age do. I understand where you're coming from and it sucks.

I could have written The Skeeyks post myself. Best of luck and if people don't accept you for who you are - you don't need them as friends. I guess I'm lucky that my husband is my best friend

Do I read it right that you do tell people your dx? It's everyone's prerogative of course, but I tend not to. Even being selective about it, there have been mixed reactions. And remember, your dx doesn't ruin who you are -- you are still the same YOU you were before!

I can relate a bit to your deliberately not being yourself. I've done that some too, but, personally I found that it was too much work and didn't accomplish what I thought it might anyway. I remember realizing at one point that I just had to be me, and they could like it or lump it.

I've moved a lot too (like a LOT --probably almost 30 times, with a fair number being thousands of miles). What Skeezyks says about aquaintances/friends totally describes me, but I can also tell you that places varied a lot. What I found was that places to which people moved… people were more open to meeting new people because they were all in the same boat, so to speak. In places that were well-established…. where people grew up and stayed… not so much. They were already "all set". It wasn't that they were unfriendly so much as I don't think it even really occurred to them. I've been over there (to Ireland) a couple of good solid trips (and love it, btw) and have some relatives (in the rural west). I remember them positively marvelling over how much I'd moved (and how much Americans in general move). The older ones could hardly even imagine themselves moving, whereas younger cousins did move some. Where'd my point go?… Oh. Though we have a lot of the same issues, it is different there and I can appreciate the sort of environment you are in. How is it that you came to move to your current location, btw?

(I went pretty darned hypomanic there -- lack of sleep, then straight into the day as if there were no time zone difference (though 7 hours), then up half the night, still perky as a squirrel, lol! This was marvelled at too. I didn't know I had BP then despite a couple decades of at it by that point. Had to laugh, looking back.)

No matter where one is though, there does tend to be this experience of it being harder over time. Teens/20's are more social in general. Less responsibility, more free time or whatever. As people get older and have more of the former and less of the latter…it is more of a challenge. Which I don't say to be a bummer, but to say you are not alone. (And maybe it comes back around as people start to get more free time again??)

And don't forget, you've got us!

I have stopped telling people now but the only people I told were my neighbours ( we are a very tight knit lot always having parties etc in the summer, all get on very well ) so I thought they would understand. of course part of this could just be my Pure O 'telling' me they don't like me. But they def don't 'pop' in to see me like they do with eachother.

I'm over anylysing .... I know.
Truth be told I do like my own company, and like you Magicsmum hubby is my best friend, I just wonder if my co dependency on him isnt the healthiest either you know ?

we arent really the types to go out on our own, we like eachothers company we do everything together.

LOL@perky as a squirrel

Funnily enough i decided today Feck em all and Im just gonna be me, if they dont like it they can .. well .. feck off !
its not like I run round the place naked or anything, I'm just very liberal and open minded in my opinions and it just doent seem to sit right here.

Its a combination of my upbringing and BP to just say whats on my mind ...

The weird thing is ...

I am Irish, I have ended up living only 40 mins drive from where I grew up. The thing is, we moved to the Uk when I was 14 and I lived there for 20 years so although I am Irish and this is my 'home' I am realising rapidly that those 20 years made a huge difference.
I have often heard people say .. That English girl and someone else will say ... Err she's not English she just has an english accent.

I get on much better with English people, in fact the girl next door to me is English and not once have I come out of her house thinking a) she doesnt like me or b) I shouldn't have said XYZ.

You guys are right thou, I have to just be me, stop trying to act 'normal' ( yes I hate that too ) and really really try harder to stop blabbing ! ( I really need to learn to stop over sharing )

and get more active on here where I fit right in

ps my Family also live in the Rural west .... its a very beautiful part of the country

I now try to pick up on my mood swings and act upon it. For instance, if I am starting to get manic, I try to stop posting before I say something inappropriate. Otherwise. what happens does happen. Any serious damage I usually can mend.

tucson