[gris212]

So I've read that people who are BP and have a great support network tend to cope better with the illness. This is something I'm trying to work on right now. I tend to distance myself from friends because I'm either feeling depressed and don't want to be a debbie downer, I feel they won't truly understand me or I'm just not feeling social. I find it hard for people to fully understand what I'm going through and I think this is what interferes with me getting closer to others.

I discussed with my therapist this past week that I realize this is an area I have to work on because in the long run it will help me most battle BP. I don't work well with big groups of people, but I've reached out to friends to meet for lunch or dinner, etc. I think by being on this forum I'm also reaching out to you all who can relate.

How do you build on your support network? Any suggestions?

[littlemiss44]

I.also have trouble keeping in touch with friends cause I don't want to be a downer. Can you get in touch with yr local nami group? Do you know what that is? It's.the national alliance of the mentally ill. There is good support there. Also you could try and find a local bp support group inn yr area. I'm glad you joined our group. It's a great place to start. Do yr friends know about yr.mental illness?

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[outlaw sammy]

In the famous movie, Mr. Jones (with Richard Gere), about a man with type 1 bipolar disorder, his psychiatrist asks him, "Where is everyone in your life?" He replies, "They've all left. I'm too much trouble." I've lost two wives and many friends, because of my illness. My best friend has BP2 and keeps it a carefully guarded secret from the world. Even his own wife doesn't know. So I say that only those of us who share the same disorder are reliable candidates for friendships and associations. No one else can or will understand.

[Hbomb0903]

Wow. That is such an accurate description of the relationship dance. I have always kind of felt like I just don't quite get it. Like sometimes when my mood is stable or I'm hypomanic I feel a connection to people and have the energy to truly do the work to maintain the relationship...when I'm slipping and feeling depressed I can barely manage to maintain basic life function. And I just can't reveal that to most people. I know if I did they would run. I have to hide it. And I can't handle that either.

[r010159]

I find that most friends cannot understand my condition. There is that stigma associated with this. I even get some friends who think I should ho off my meds, that my behavior is caused by the meds, instead of the other way around. Amazing! These are intelligent people talking to me.

So I am silent about it nowadays.

[gris212]

I know people will not fully understand unless they have BP, but I'm tired of alienating myself, it's lonely. I can vent to my therapist but I would like a friend or 2 to at least be there to listen. I went to a NAMI support group but I couldn't relate because everyone there could have been my grandparent.
I know my sisters don't get it. When I was in my deepest depressions 1 sister told me just stop crying, you look ugly. My other sister thinks I should stop taking my meds and just eat well and exercise. And my youngest sister whose 19 is going to therapy herself because life has sucked living with a BP parent. She's a teenager so she doesn't really want to talk.

Maybe my friends and family won't understand me but I just need them to be there when I need a shoulder to cry on, just listen and hear me out even if they can't relate. Just knowing they're there is something for me.

[Hbomb0903]

I feel you gris212.

[r010159]

Yes, I understand. Even the one friend who knows and has been there for me, I do not "cry on his shoulder". I think that is one reason our relationship works, sad as this may seem. But I do have one outlet. There is a person at Denny's who is a regular like myself. He puts up with my worries and wining. I have even showed up at his doorstep with my problems. He helped me when this happened. So I guess I am lucky. Help can come from the most unlikely people such has himself. I would have never guessed this was possible from him. He has his own problems: massive depression, no water, no electricity, no money, just one step from being homeless. And he still has time for me!

[Curiosity77]

My two best friends are also, bipolar, so we support each other. I have a few other friends who know and are supportive, but when i had my hospitalization it changed the dynamic in some of my relationships, and people started to relate to me like i am sick or fragile. I had 2 other really close friends, one with bipolar and one without. I leaned on them quite a bit through my hospitalization and the couple months after. Unfortunately that pushed them away. One of them won't talk to me at all because he thinks i would destabilze him (which is unfair and sucks), and the other one returns my texts, but never wants to hang out. People don't always understand, but i'm grateful for the ones that do.

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[SickOfSadness]

I've lost friends due to my BP2 symptoms. I tend to be easily agitated therefore having an attitude or I'm sad and don't want to bring anyone else down. I also have an issue with talking about my problems constantly, I think b/c I want to hear other people's opinions b/c I always doubt myself, and just needing to vent. I feel like a burdon, I guess. I literally have one friend and don't even enjoy talking to her much anymore. She also lives 2hrs away. I don't even know what I like to do anymore or how to go about finding friends. Ugh
I feel like I sound pathetic.

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[BipolaRNurse]

The vast majority of my support system is online, mainly because I can count on the fingers of one hand the people I know IRL who have bipolar. However, between my family (most of them anyway), my church, my friends, and my pdoc, I have an amazing amount of love and support and sometimes that's the only thing keeping me alive.

I have a great support network but need to be really aware when I am oversharing with people. I can really upset some of them, especially when I am suicidal. I have a support group I go to where I can share the more scary details, and then I have my group of friends. Its strange though, my friends these days are all separate from each other. I used to be part of a group of friends but now I have a lot of friends that dont know each other. Im not sure if that is just a moving to the big city type thing or what.

I have to be aware of my relationships at work. Last week there was a lot of upheaval but because I am used to communicating online I didnt even know people were getting upset. The older generation at my work place does not understand how the "online" community can communicate. So no more messages to them from hospital. I'll just put it down to me being unstable that they misunderstood me and we'll all move on. Easier to take the blame in that kind of situation.

I have a great support network online too. Lots of people to talk to. You need to have people in your "real life" too and when Im ill it is so easy to neglect those "real life" relationships because online is so much easier. Just need to remember that myself and although it is hard to do, it is vital. To have good friends, you need to be a good friend.

[PsychSurvey]

If you aren't in the mood to see your friends so be it, but don't push them away! If they're good friends, they will do whatever they can to help you.

[canada58]

Originally Posted by PsychSurvey

If you aren't in the mood to see your friends so be it, but don't push them away! If they're good friends, they will do whatever they can to help you.

What about when they won't and you've pushed everyone away?