[grandmaof3]

Both my kids are having a hard time in their lives. My 26 year old son drinks too much and has anger issues. He has 2 kids and the mother of the first took him and moved out of state so we never see him. My son has gotten violent with his girlfriend and she got a protective order. My 17 year old daughter (shes bipolar too) is pregnant with her 2nd child. SHe had the first when she was only 14 and Im raising him. I can't help but wonder what they would have been like if I hadn't been crazy most of the time they were growing up. I've only been on meds the last 10 years and my behavior before that was atrocious. I worry that I will make the same mistakes with my grandson I made with my kids. I know I spent a lot of time when my kids were little locked in my bedroom and not willing to deal with them or anyone else. I'm just feeling bad about myself tonight and I can't stop thinking what ifs and I should haves and what can I do now to fix things for my kids. I guess Im just feeling sorry for myself tonight.

There are people who don't have MI whose kids have gotten themselves into trouble. You shouldn't beat yourself up for something out of your control, we all did the best we could. At a certain point in our kids' lives they are adults and have to deal with the consequences of their actions. Bipolar is known to be an inheritable illness though. I got mine from my grandpa through my dad.

[grandmaof3]

Originally Posted by emomom

There are people who don't have MI whose kids have gotten themselves into trouble. You shouldn't beat yourself up for something out of your control, we all did the best we could. At a certain point in our kids' lives they are adults and have to deal with the consequences of their actions. Bipolar is known to be an inheritable illness though. I got mine from my grandpa through my dad.

Thanks. I come from a long line of bipolar. My grandfather, my mother( she was never diagnosed, but looking back at her behavior I know she was), my aunt and my sister are all bipolar. My daughter has been diagnosed bipolar when she was 13 and I wonder about my son. I feel bad because I really have a hard time keeping it together. I look back at my grandfather who was an economist and did really well for himself in spite of his illness and wonder how did he do it? Ive tried to get my son to go see a psychiatrist and get evaluated but he says he's not crazy, I just use my bipolar diagnosis for an excuse to explain the mistakes Ive made. He says his sister isn't 'crazy' either shes just a spoiled brat. He learned this from my mother who does not believe in mental illness even though her sister is in the state mental hospital and her father was bipolar too.

[Victoria'smom]

My son's pdoc was honest when she told us genetically and only genetically it is our fault. Im sure my mom ( possibly my dad) is dx'd. The only thing I wished as a kid is to understand. Even just im really sad today. I'm angry but not at you. All anyone can as is for your best and it sounds like you gave what you could at the time. They're adults now they and you can not blame there mistakes on you be kinder to yourself. The more you spend going what did I do wrong the less time and patents you have for your grandson.

[outlaw sammy]

My mother had an affair with an Englishman, and I was the product of that union. When she was dying, she asked me if I could forgive her for this bipolar 1 disorder I'd received from him. I laughed out loud and told her what I want to say to all of you, "Mom my mental illness is about as much your fault as what I had for breakfast this morning". The point is this - we're all individuals with free will, and each of us must accept the results of our decisions. Americans love to blame everything and anything when something goes wrong. Your children may be in part your genetic contributions - but they are damn well the products of their own design!

[wildflowerchild25]

I'm not going to lie. My mother is mentally ill (undiagnosed but I suspect bipolar) and it was very hard growing up. It definitely contributed to my problems as a teenager. I had to unlearn a lot of dysfunctional behavior that I developed because of her. I was angry with her for a long time because she isolated herself from us and didn't do simple things like clean the house or cook dinner (I did). So your behavior will absolutely influence your children. They may be angry with you for awhile. They may feel abandoned. And that is their right.

However, your son is a grown adult. No matter what happened when he was young it's time to put the past to rest. When I was 19 I went to a trauma program to work through and accept what had happened to me as a child (mom's MI among other things). I took responsibility for myself. I didn't blame her for my own mistakes. I eventually forgave her for verything because she honestly did the best she could within her limitations - though I still get mad at he sometimes for refusing treatment to this day. You cannot feel guilty for things that were already done. You're in treatment now. It was the past. And your son has to figure that out on his own. If he wants to be angry forever that's not your fault. Same for your daughter - she made poor choices and needs to live with them and accept responsibility.

It's one of the main reasons I stay in treatment even though I hate it. I have to tell my son honestly that I did all I could to be the best I could. Yes I go off meds but when I enter an episode that affects my care of him I go crawling back.

As for bipolar you can't control that so please don't feel guilty.

[ceejae]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

My son's pdoc was honest when she told us genetically and only genetically it is our fault.

My pdoc has said this to me several times. 2 of my kids are bipolar and have messed up lives. I often feel it is my fault for passing the BP on to them. I'm trying to get past it.