[StartingFreshNow]

I am very cautious about saying something I am experiencing is due to bi-polar. However, I'm also the kind of person that has to know why I am doing things. I have to have answers. Bi-polar sucks in that sense because there are so many unanswered questions with it. Like, do I even have it? I won't go there though, we'll just assume the diagnosis is right. To note, I've also been diagnosed ADHD and I also wonder if that's correct, but I'm going to assume yes.

I keep hearing bi-polar people have short tempers and explode at people because of it. Is that really true? How much of that is really bi-polar and how much is just a personality thing that can be controlled by learning to control your temper?

The reason I ask is I'm completely guilty of it. Since I was a teenager (probably earlier - I'm 33 by the way) I would have horrible outbursts. I would slam the door so hard I'd break pictures on the wall, I spit in my mom's face, I tore up every single painting I had made when I was a painter, I screamed, etc. As I've gotten older I've learned I can't act like that but now I'm hitting a point I can't control it as well.

Especially with my children. I snap at them all the time and I'm getting to the point of starting to yell at them. I have no patience at all. When it comes to my husband I am unbelievably short tempered about anything even remotely critical. I become so defensive at anything he says that I snap or yell and immediately shut him down. It's hurting our relationship. It's getting worse and worse and all the calming techniques I'm getting from my counselor don't seem to be helping (and that's a lot of techniques).

My kids are my biggest trigger but I try my hardest not to let them see me get angry.

I also have insane mood swings throughout each day. Like this morning started off happy right away, then my kids were hard but I handled it really well so I was still happy when I got to work. Then I started looking at facebook and some things about bi-polar and bam, I'm in this awful mood where I'm barely keeping from crying and just want to go home. I haven't worked at all despite being here for almost 3 1/2 hours. I am hyper focused on a personal situation. I'm frustrated my husband is still hurt by some horrible things I did to him months ago and again 10 days ago. Yet if I take my Adderall, I will probably get extremely happy again.

How do I know what's bi-polar and what's not???????

For the record, I take 1,000mg Depakote, 10mg Abilify (this is a new dose as of 2 days ago), 5mg Celexa, and 15-20mg Adderall daily.

Is this what bi-polar is like? Isn't this something that I've had forever and just got a correct diagnosis on? So why haven't I felt like this my whole life? Why is it suddenly NOW that I'm feeling so out of control and crazy???

[live2ski66]

Bi Polar has a number of symptoms and cannot be diagnosed from an email. I assume you've seen a psychiatrist who prescribed the meds you are on. If this is the case, go back to them and tell them what you have explained on the email. They are the best authority. If your GP gave you the script, ask them for a reference to a psychiatrist. Good luck.

[StartingFreshNow]

Thanks - I have a counselor and a psych NP. My counselor doesn't like to pinpoint the specific reasons for my "symptoms" she prefers to just address them because (and I agree) it doesn't really matter why, it just matters how I handle it. However, because I'm so analytical, it is driving me insane to not know WHY

[ceejae]

Originally Posted by StartingFreshNow

I keep hearing bi-polar people have short tempers and explode at people because of it. Is that really true? How much of that is really bi-polar and how much is just a personality thing that can be controlled by learning to control your temper?

The reason I ask is I'm completely guilty of it. Since I was a teenager (probably earlier - I'm 33 by the way) I would have horrible outbursts. I would slam the door so hard I'd break pictures on the wall, I spit in my mom's face, I tore up every single painting I had made when I was a painter, I screamed, etc. As I've gotten older I've learned I can't act like that but now I'm hitting a point I can't control it as well.

Especially with my children. I snap at them all the time and I'm getting to the point of starting to yell at them. I have no patience at all. When it comes to my husband I am unbelievably short tempered about anything even remotely critical. I become so defensive at anything he says that I snap or yell and immediately shut him down. It's hurting our relationship.

I don't know how to tell if it's bipolar or not but I can tell you I could have written most of this myself. My bipolar children could have as well. We all have the tempers and the outbursts. I know for myself and my son if we go off our meds we get much worse. People do notice when we're off our meds.

[Confusedinomicon]

Can you talk to your counselor about working on a DBT workbook?

[StartingFreshNow]

Originally Posted by Confusedinomicon

Can you talk to your counselor about working on a DBT workbook?

What's a DBT workbook?

[StartingFreshNow]

Originally Posted by ceejae

I don't know how to tell if it's bipolar or not but I can tell you I could have written most of this myself. My bipolar children could have as well. We all have the tempers and the outbursts. I know for myself and my son if we go off our meds we get much worse. People do notice when we're off our meds.

Geez, right now I can't imagine what I'd be like without my meds. Maybe that helps answer my question!

[Confusedinomicon]

DBT is a type of therapy.

Dialectical behavior therapy - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Even if you don't have borderline personality disorder (which this therapy is generally catered to) the skills are universal.

[kiwehhh]

I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and I had to try a plethora of medications before I found what worked for me. So, if you're medicated but still having problems, I would just talk to your doc about changing it up. Also, I find that as an individual with bi-polar disorder, ADHD meds made my manic episodes much worse.

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk

[littlemiss44]

It sounds like bp to me but I am not a Dr. But what you've described sounds like my life story. Truly! I would take that suggestion about looking into dbt. Alot of therapy clinics have groups for dbt in fact I'm in one right now. Are you in a mental health clinic or just with a private therapist? Bring it up to her. She can direct you on where to go or what books to read. Having volatile relationships is a sign also of bpd but again I'm not a pdoc. Have you told yr psych np about all these feelings abd outbursts? It's important that they know exactly what is going on in yr every day life. Anger and agitation coupled with anxiety are sure signs of mi. It's not about will power to be able to just stop them on b their own. Talk to her and maybe she can take a second look at yr meds. I wish you luck abd I'm glad yr here. We really understand. :-)

Sent from my SGH-M919 using Tapatalk

[ManicIcarus]

I was always told it's about degree. For example, everyone can be elated, but when you get to where you have full blown hypomania or mania that starts to be past the point of "normal", then you have something. Now I can't speak to whether or not what you explained qualifies as Bipolar, but it sounds like it.

[StartingFreshNow]

Originally Posted by Confusedinomicon

DBT is a type of therapy.

Dialectical behavior therapy - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Even if you don't have borderline personality disorder (which this therapy is generally catered to) the skills are universal.

Thank you - I'll have to look into that!

[StartingFreshNow]

Thank you all.

My highs and lows definitely are getting more extreme if I step back and think about it - hence the problems that are "suddenly" arising in my life. I'm not the person I used to be, that's for sure.

I'll definitely talk to my therapist more - she's a private counselor (not part of a group as someone asked). We just started working on my eating disorder problem and I didn't want to jump topics but this DBT definitely sounds worth asking about!

I appreciate your feedback. I feel like I'm just crazy, but even if I am, at least I'm not alone

I'm concerned that your doctor doesn't want to be honest with you. It sounds like you would feel more secure if you truly knew where you are with all this. Instead of trying to diagnose yourself, maybe it would help to see another doctor who will be more upfront with you. The meds they have you on are BP meds, but I think you need a solid answer so you can go on from here and try to start healing and learing how to handle this disorder.
I understand the rage-I think most of us deal with it, but there are ways to help control it. I took DBT classes and it did help.
And you should always take your meds as prescribed. If you get another doc, they may change your meds and it may help what you are going through now.
Very simply put, BP is an imbalance of the brain chemistry and from what I have read, you are born with it. There are different degrees and some people never know they have it. When the symptoms are severe, sometimes all it takes is a triggering event to bring it on. My trigger was being raped.
Please don't take what I say for gospel-I'm not a doc. But I am in my sixties and have dealt with this all my life. Rage is still a problem for me, but I've learned ways to handle it most of the time.
But do seriously consider getting another professional opinion. You can't know how to handle a problem until you know what the problem is.

[StartingFreshNow]

My counselor is the one not wanting to commit me to an explanation, for lack of a better term. My psych NP (my med person) will give me a direct answer, but I want them both to. Maybe I'm just being stubborn. My counselor specializes in eating disorders though which is why I'm seeing her now. She did diagnose me as both bi-polar and ADHD, but not BPD based on DSM-V but she definitely focuses on how I think about things rather than what is causing them. Maybe once we get through the eating disorder stuff, if that ever happens! I can look for someone with more focus on the bi-polar stuff. I just want this to be easy!!!!!!

[grandmaof3]

Originally Posted by StartingFreshNow

My counselor is the one not wanting to commit me to an explanation, for lack of a better term. My psych NP (my med person) will give me a direct answer, but I want them both to. Maybe I'm just being stubborn. My counselor specializes in eating disorders though which is why I'm seeing her now. She did diagnose me as both bi-polar and ADHD, but not BPD based on DSM-V but she definitely focuses on how I think about things rather than what is causing them. Maybe once we get through the eating disorder stuff, if that ever happens! I can look for someone with more focus on the bi-polar stuff. I just want this to be easy!!!!!!

Its never easy. What you are describing sounds to me like bipolar. Before I was on the right meds I would go into a black rage and do and say horrible things. The whole time I would be in the rage I would know the way I was acting was irrational but I was powerless to stop myself. Getting on the right meds has made me a much calmer and rational person. I understand your need to know why you feel the way you do. It would be great if your counselor and psych np worked together. I'm lucky because my psychiatrist doesn't just do med checks and write prescriptions. He does therapy as well. Unfortunately he's about to retire so I'm going to have to get to know someone new. He's recommended a few docs who use the same methods he uses so I'm being optimistic. I've noticed that several people here also have eating disorders in addition to being bipolar and I wonder if the two are connected ?

[StartingFreshNow]

I would know the way I was acting was irrational but I was powerless to stop myself.
This exactly!!!!!! I suppose if I was "normal" I'd have more control over that (and definitely on the meds I do have more control) so I guess that's another way I can think about it to decide if I'm acting poorly or if it's due to something more beyond my control, like the bi-polar.

My friend is an addictions counselor with a special focus on bi-polar. I don't see her often but this fall I did and the first thing she said when I told her how my life was going was - I think you're bi-polar and I think your hypo-manic phases align directly with your increased eating disorder behaviors. So I definitely think there's a connection. It's an addiction just like alcohol or drugs and obviously there's a link there. Not a causation link, but definitely a correlation, in my opinion at least

[BipolaRNurse]

I am happy to state that I haven't had a single screaming fit since I've been medicated.

Used to be that I'd get mad and yell, and the more I yelled the angrier I got until I'd just start screaming and cursing. I've done that to the point that I ripped open capillaries in my throat and started spitting up blood. I had no more control over my rage than the average 2-year-old....the only thing I didn't do was hit people. I was never physically violent with anyone no matter how furious I was.

That all changed after I went on that first mood stabilizer. I still get pissed off sometimes, but am much more in control of it and I'm no longer an angry woman.
Bottom line, I think a lot of my rage was/is at least partly due to my BP all the way back to early childhood, even though I wasn't diagnosed or medicated properly till I was in my early 50s. But who knows....