[skittles]

i lost it tonight.. things have been built up inside me since i started this damn new job... the pay, the boss, the customers, everything is getting to me about it, then i cant find a new job so i can quit this one...... i just lost it....... i went off on my b/f for having a good job that he likes, while im stuck with a 5.15 crappy job.. i know its not his fault but i went off on him.... then i started crying forever ... hating the world,,,, then my sister called and i was crying and she kept asking me what was wrong and i told her i just wanted to be left alone then she goes and puts my mom on the phone and then my mom starts crying cause i was and i told them i had to go and hung up..... then my b/f came over by where i was on the floor and sat by me and calmed me down.... i was a mess... im ok now..... but man that was bad....i cut my arm i was so messed up.... blah

[Laverne]

Hi (((Skittles)))
I'm fairly new here but not to b/p and understand all to well what it's like to lose it like that and not have any control over it.
It's so scary and if your like me when it's over I sit there and think about all I said and did and wonder how the words and behavior even came from me, even knowing it's the illness not me doesn't make it any easier.
Working jobs you really can't stand and for very little pay makes it hard to try and stay in control, I did it most of my life and then on top of it working with the public!
I hope that your feeling better now and that soon you will be able to find a better paying job that you like.
Laverene

[bipolar_bear]

(((((((((((((((((skittles))))))))))))))))))) I am so sorry. Take care of you and stay safe.

[JonB]

Sounds like your job is making you feel trapped and there's nothing worse for making you lose it than being backed into a corner. Hopefully, your family is being helpful and helping to calm you down. I know it's not always possible, but maybe you can take even a couple of hours to destress yourself and think about nothing but you. I don't remember if you take meds or not but now would be a good time to make sure those are adjusted and being taken regularly.

I know it sounds stupid, but when I'm have the constant feeling that i'm going to blow at any minute - but I have to keep going with my responsibilities, I plan in some time to completely lose it for awhile and then go back to the crap that has to be done. It's not a fix, but it helps me get through the day.

I hope you feel better soon and don't beat yourself up over anything you said or did while you were upset. Water under the bridge you know....got to keep moving forward. Best of luck...