Where you you be if you weren't Bipolar?

Or what would you be doing?

What do you think you life would be like now or would have been if this illness had not been a part of your life?

Maybe Id be happy instead of down. maybe Id be level instead of all around. maybe Id be successful instead of a loon....maybe my happiness wouldn't have ended so soon.

I'd still be doing what I do, but much less poor without all the medical bills and therapy.

I feel like I've missed a great deal of healthy living while I've had to spend so much time dealing with this illness. It's taken too much focus away from the positives in my life over the years. I'm finally getting that back, but too much was lost along the way.

Probably still married to my ex-husband. 1st manic episode ruined that.

Probably the same but less scars and memories.

I am in an interesting position because my life is basically what I wanted it to be right now. I was lucky to get married youngish during a kind of remission to a man who is stoic and loyal to a fault and already knew and loved that I was a little um...exciting? And we knew from the beginning that I would stay home with our kids. And then I had my first baby youngish and still pre dx and still in the "remission". But then right when I was ready to try for my second baby I had a mixed episode that rocked my world and nothing has been the same since.

I did finally have my second baby and now I am expecting my third. I had always had a dream of having five kids. That is not going to happen and it is because of the Bipolar. It just kept getting in my way. It is fine. I don't know now that I actually want more than three anyway so I can't really get too upset about it.

But I think my future will be very different because of my BP. I had plans of getting my PhD and I had all these plans and ideas of jobs etc to do. Heck I love teaching preschool and I thought that was another thing I might do after the kids grew up. But now I see how hard all of those things would be for me. More school or a PhD are totally out of the question. I know without a doubt that I could not handle it. And even managing a classroom would be a huge thing for me. So now I feel like my life has narrowed. I need to be content with simpler things. This is fine as I generally am. But I often wish there was a little more room.

I would be a teacher. I've wanted to be a teacher my entire life, went to a couple years of school for it before my symptoms outweighed my willpower. Several years later, I'm back in school but I'm going for business now.

Graduating from college with better grades, and probably off to grad school. To be honest, although I've suffered, I've also made a lot of unnecessary mistakes as a result of that suffering. And I don't think I'm better off as a result of my BP, no matter how much I try to think positively. Nevertheless, we have what we have: nothing more, nothing less. So it's as pointless to think about a life without BP as it is to think of life as the proverbial Queen of France.

Where would I be without BP?
wow....I haven't thought about that for long time.

Bipolar for me has probanly protected me from getting lost in the trap so many fall into. Grow, Work, Purchase, Work more, Purchase more, retire, pass on inheritance.

Being up and down has allowed me when I can, to taste some of the most intense and rich emotions and experiences life has to offer. So yeah, maybe richer, more prosperity, more to pass on, but happier- not sure.

And wouldn't have discovered this site!

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I would have finished college the first time, instead of taking a 13 year break. I never would have married my ex after our daughter was born. Honestly, I can say these things, but Bipolar makes me interesting and more compassionate.

I'd probably be a Sr. Financial Analyst by now with a CPA and a CMA. I probably would've went to grad school to get a MBA.

But no, all the jobs I get now are temp jobs doing light accounting, clerical crap, and data entry work. Most of the time I can't even handle that.

Yay for bipolar.

I like being a nurse practitioner, but if I wasn't bipolar I probably would have become a doctor. Also, I probably wouldn't have married my ex, because we got together when we were both really unwell and helped each other through it. So maybe I would have married someone else, maybe I'd still be married, maybe I'd have kids. It's so hard to say because there are so many variables. I started high school in a gifted program, and then switched to an alternative program, mostly because I was unwell. So if I had have stayed in the gifted program, who knows what I would have done. All things considered, I have been very resilient and I have still done well with career. But I think I would have gone a lot farther if I hadn't been sick.

Most of my decisions were fueled by mania, moving out of my parents house, dropping out of school, enrolling in college, getting engaged, having a son and moving across country were all part of two big manic episodes. So I have no clue where I'd be.

Never really thought about it much, but perhaps as Tim McGraw sang, son someday I hope you get the chance, to Live Like You Were Dying.

You nailed it. That is exactly how I feel about the way my life has gone since my BP came roaring out of the sub-clinical arena and rocked my world. There are so many things I can no longer do or be, and that frustrates me beyond belief. So what I do is just try to focus on the things I CAN do, and let that be enough for me. I haven't quite gotten there yet---I'm still testing my limits---but I'm working on it.

BPNurse and Capriciousness - I agree with you both. Something that scares me is the fact that I'm only 21, and my BP has been progressively worsening. Who knows how much more "narrowing" the future holds? And yet, I suppose that at the end of the day we must define "success" in the context of our unique life circumstances.

Honestly I don't really know. However I feel as if my life is more "experienced". I have worked in many different job fields, studied many different fields in school, been places and done things I wouldn't have. Given these may of not been the best choices, but I have learned from them at least.

Thanks for your words BPnurse. And yes psychedone good point about the future narrowing as well. That is something I actually hadn't thought of . I guess part of dealing with the narrowness and doing everything I can to stay as healthy and I triggered as possible is to maybe hopefully prevent even further narrowing in the future. I don't know. That thought just came out of my mouth or fingers I guess. But we will see.

Oh and another thing about where I would be without Bipolar. I wouldn't have vast stores of knowledge about the bizarre and varies topics I researched frantically in manic phases. Hehe.

I also wouldn't have a belief in a magical powerful loving something beyond all things that I have experienced oneness with and understanding of more than my fair share in this life. I know it may probably be the product of my effed up brain. But that doesn't bother me somehow. And I just can't completely get down with that fact that it is nothing. But perhaps I have just hijacked by own thread with wacky spiritual mania stuff. Oops.

I agree with you BP nurse. My world has narrowed out of necessity to remain stable. What frustrates me is I am still capable of everything I was before. ...but now it comes at a price. I have a saying "I can do anything, but am I prepared to pay the price?" I.e. taking on too much, doing something I would easily do before and I know I can do - it mow comes with a high cost - it might be indtability or moody fora day or two or it might trigger a full blown episode.
Learning to live within the confines what you can cope with, and not what yoy know you are capable of is what I have found most difficult about 14 years of BP.

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I havent read all the replies so sorry if someone has already said this (I will read them after work) but this question doesnt fit me because ok without bipolar id be so much better at the things im good at and the things ive chosen as a profession that i have been able to do and thata I havent - but without bipolar I dont think I would WANT those things.

bipolar is part of me that does influence my wants and my likes and dislikes. so if i didnt have bipolar maybe id be better at my job - but maybe id hate it to.

I believe I'd have finished my Master's degree & PhD & taught literature at some little college. I did get 3 bachelor's but it took 7 years b/c I kept having breakdowns. I taught high school for 3 years but couldn't handle it. Noise drives me nuts & bells ringing, kids so loud....have had so many jobs. Good thing, have had about 30 poems published but I do wish I'd been able to finish the master's

I like the way you put that, Blitter. It really ISN'T so much a matter of being 'unable' to do something, it's "I'm not willing to pay the high price of doing this". Perhaps that is the beginning of wisdom. Thank you for your perspective.

Working. It took them years to give me the right diagnoses and the right meds. I was so over medicated, or refuse meds because of the experiences that a job was impossible to keep.

I'd probably be a lot less healthy and stable than I am now. Bipolar forced me to 'smarten up'.