[Lobster Hands]

This post will probably seem like a ramble...

I just don't quite get it. I look at other people and I see how they act/react. They simply do what needs to be done, their feelings don't interfere with it. Whether they want to or not doesn't affect them, they still get it done. They are functional.

Then, on the other side of the spectrum, there's me (and people like me...of course). My emotions have an impact on everything I do. They can and will be the deciding factor on whether or not I do something (and everything).

It seems like I see people plowing through life by way of shutting off their emotions. Sort of like they are naturally drawn toward thinking through obstacles instead of feeling through them.

I'm not saying "normal" people have it easier because they don't have the problems that come along with being over emotional, but at first glance it certainly appears to be simpler.

This post may not even make sense...but that's ok. It is just an unrefined thought.

[Curiosity77]

I think they do have an easier time. I can't imagine what my life would be like if I hadn't had so many extreme states. I think life would be a lot simpler, but I would have also missed out on some pretty intense and beautiful experiences, so it's a trade off.

It would be nice to not be so sensitive sometimes though, small things cause me anxiety. . But on the other hand, I think my sensitivity makes me more compassionate, which is a quality I like. I don't think I would even be the same person without all of these moods, because it's been with me for so long. It feels like I'm transparent sometimes, like people can tell how ****ed up I feel, even though in reality I know that it doesn't show and no one is paying that much attention.

I don't really have any idea what it would be like to just feel normal. So much of my mental energy is spent on trying to stay well. I would have so much more time. And I would have done so many more things. But I'm trying not to be bitter about it. It's just life, and life is hard for everyone, in different ways.But I do think bipolar makes it that much harder.

[Margaux1114]

Originally Posted by Lobster Hands...

This post will probably seem like a ramble...

I just don't quite get it. I look at other people and I see how they act/react. They simply do what needs to be done, their feelings don't interfere with it. Whether they want to or not doesn't affect them, they still get it done. They are functional.

Then, on the other side of the spectrum, there's me (and people like me...of course). My emotions have an impact on everything I do. They can and will be the deciding factor on whether or not I do something (and everything).

It seems like I see people plowing through life by way of shutting off their emotions. Sort of like they are naturally drawn toward thinking through obstacles instead of feeling through them.

I'm not saying "normal" people have it easier because they don't have the problems that come along with being over emotional, but at first glance it certainly appears to be simpler.

This post may not even make sense...but that's ok. It is just an unrefined thought.

I totally understand what you mean. To be honest, I'm jealous of normal people. Their lives are so much more...manageable for lack of a better word.

It's crazy how our emotions can dominate our lives. I've given up some major opportunities because I was feeling anxious or down on those days, and I remember just feeling outside of my body thinking "Get it together." But I couldn't.

Normal people can do that. But they do have emotions that influence what they're feeling. I guess it's just not as "extreme" as ours, to put it as you said. And their feelings are irrational, not as a swing.

Hope my response didn't come across too weird or anything

[shortandcute]

This is a good topic, and you don't sound like you're rambling, you make perfect sense to me. I have often seem people who were in similar situations as I was in, or had been, and seem to go right through it, while I was falling apart and lucky to even get my hair combed. I was so jealous because, even though I knew that they had their bad days also, they get it done, and figure things out, and move on. I would get floored so easily, fly off the handle at the drop of a hat, and totally sink. Of course, now that I know that I have bipolar, it does make more sense.

[Talanic]

I agree with shortandcute, totally not rambling, it makes total sense to me

I've found myself thinking the same thing.

I just look at people and see them going about their lives. Finishing school, working 40 hours a week, doing something that would normally send me deep into depression without a drop of sweat and doing all of that with being stable at the same time. A lot of my friends are almost done with college and I'm not even really close. It's just hard to deal with school and staying stable at the moment (But once I finally get to a stable time in my life I hope to go back). I recently went to a bar with some friends and there where tons of people dancing, talking to each other, flirting around, meeting new people and I found myself thinking “Why can't I do that? Why do my emotions have to make it so hard?”. If I where to do something like that I'd go into a panic attack and it would just be a trigger for depression or other goodies that come with being bipolar. That or I'd just be so down and depressed that I couldn't get myself to do anything like that. It's like you said Lobster, emotions have a huge impact. I often wonder what it would be like to not have to deal with all of the characteristics of being bipolar. I could maybe be almost done with school, I could have a job, I could go out and meet new people, heck maybe I could have a stable relationship right now. But you know, as much as it sucks to deal with all the emotions from being bipolar there are defiantly positives. Without it I wouldn't have gotten so into psychopharmacology, I might not understand as clearly as I do now about the suffering in this world. Not to say I never understood the suffering in this world, but dealing with everything makes me understand it more. It also shows me that everything has meaning and an impact. Sort of like someone with Hoarding disorder, to them every little thing no matter how small, or “trashy” it may seem is meaningful. We understand the full picture (in a manner of speaking). We understand that something small can have a huge impact. We understand how hard the world can be, and there for I think we have a big chance on changing something in this world. Once we're stable, once we're on the right treatment, and once we've conquered our challenges, we can take what we've learned from these horrible experiences and do something that matters, and become better people. We're offered a wonderful opportunity to learn... even though it's a tough class. But once we get our A+, we can go out and make a difference.

That's my rant I guess haha

[BipolaRNurse]

Good to know I'm not the only person who does this. I look at people I consider to be "normal" and wonder why the hell I can't just live and not have all this drama in my life. Why can't I be like them and experience a normal range of emotions without all the sturm und drang of bipolar?

Then I'll be sitting on my front porch and notice the sun shining on a lone string of cobweb stretching between plant pots, and it occurs to me that a normal person would probably never see the beauty in it, even if they were to see it in the first place. Me, I don't know any other way to be, because I've never been normal and wouldn't know it if it jumped up and bit me in the nose. None of us does, really, so speculating what "normals" think or feel or do is kind of a useless exercise. But it is fun in a way.

I was thinking back when I was young and frequented clubs. I would be non social because of whatever reason. I would just walk around, drink, urinate, then repeat. Usually if I spoke to a girl, some guy would be over there trying to start a fight (needless to say I was involved in 2-3 club near clearing incidences, one with a former college qb and played pro for a short spell). So yeah, I have been there and know exactly what it's like to wish I was normal.

[tigersassy]

I think about this too. There are times when I'm already in a state and I " overreact" because it's like my emotions are out of control. My pondering often comes when I see people dealing with the exact same thing as me or what I perceive too be the exact same thing.

Tig

[venusss]

But normal people never feel the wind in their hair and feel the Earth turning. They never take off their shoes to feel the history under their feet and feel interconnected with the whole world. They never feel 1000% oh-so-alive. They cannot listen music with their whole body.

It must be sorta boring being bleh all the time, mustn't it?

[Lobster Hands]

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

But normal people never feel the wind in their hair and feel the Earth turning. They never take off their shoes to feel the history under their feet and feel interconnected with the whole world. They never feel 1000% oh-so-alive. They cannot listen music with their whole body.

It must be sorta boring being bleh all the time, mustn't it?

Yeah, that would be the downside...but what they don't know can't hurt them right?

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[moremi]

I agree with Venus. I know at one time I was on a medication that seemed to dull my emotions and I couldnt stand it. Maybe because feeling my way through is the only way my brain knows how to get through. I felt very disconnected and dull. Im an intense and passionate person. I do see beauty in small things. Im not saying that bipolar hasnt negatively impacted my life because it definately has but I wouldn't want to be that dull boring woman I felt I was at that time. I find joy in little things like feeling the sun on my face or listening to the ocean or birds chirping in the morning. Those are amazong things to me and tp go through life never knowing or appreciating these small treasures would be a shame.

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[dutchguy123]

As for me I have the opposite problem I have been faking every one of my emotions so many times now that I don't know which one's are real or not. believe me it's not as good as you make it out to be when you don't feel anything even though the things you do are different you always feel the same, like you are repeating same day over and over again. I hope I can learn from you guys and figure out my own emotions

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[moremi]

Dutchguy it coukd very well be a medication causing your lack of emotions. I think its called anhoendia. If not its something close to that.

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[BipolaRNurse]

Yes, anhedonia---the inability to experience pleasure. Not a happy way to be for sure.

[Angry1541]

Originally Posted by Lmciyah

I was thinking back when I was young and frequented clubs. I would be non social because of whatever reason. I would just walk around, drink, urinate, then repeat. Usually if I spoke to a girl, some guy would be over there trying to start a fight (needless to say I was involved in 2-3 club near clearing incidences, one with a former college qb and played pro for a short spell). So yeah, I have been there and know exactly what it's like to wish I was normal.

Yeah looking back on it...I would see my friends all go out and look for a 'chicks' at the bars, and I would tab along, but never got the girl...if I talked to a girl I had to be somewhat bombed...and even then mostly made and *** of myself (or at least felt like I did).

I have always been awkward in social situations (except work, where business protocol provides structure)...where I don't have many friends...I am lucky that my wife truly is my best friend, or I would be one lonely dude...like I was with my ex-wife....

I have always hung out with misfits and rejects (partly because they would have me)...and often they were from grades lower than me...don't know why, but that's the I was....now I don't really do much with other people (other than my wife) and I am pretty happy with that...it's nice to visit family now and then...but otherwise, I have plenty to do around the house so....

[Angry1541]

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

They cannot listen music with their whole body.

Wow -- yeah...I get that....people don't understand how music can impact me...nor why I am always looking for different band's/types of music, just see how it feels.

[Blitter2014]

Wow...so many people hitting the same nail on the head from different perspectives.
Bipolar nurse you spoke about sitting on the porch noticing s spiders web or the sunset....I get that being into camping.

I hate mess, cant stand things not put away out of place, bring of out of order, out of routine, sand dirt dust in 4wd that sort of thing.....yet I will put up with all of that (and make other's grumpy who with me for above reasons..."wipe feet. Wipe seat, put rubbish in bag, outside car be dirty but must dust down inside car esch day), willingly doing so and in process get as grumpy as all getout, just to be able to sit down at night and be totally mesmerized by the flickering flames of the campfire, with its iridescence of color's and hues. Following the wisps of smoke up into the sky and seeing millions of stars...galaxies and oh the smell of a campfire....

My wife doesnt get it and from her point of view I seem to go through hell (read I probably more like put her through hell msking sure car stays clean, everything in right place etx) just for that experience. Yet for me.....I will go camping in a heartbeat just to be captued again by someting that stirs my soal...

And its like that for music too....any music, genre, group that stirs my soal and affects or touches me inside- I need to hear it. Music, can and has a profound effect on me and evokes a very strong emotional response. I can be bawling my eyes out and yet want it louder and louder so as to feel the intensity of my emotions.....

Bipolar....it must kinda look strange from a normal persons perspective. ...

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[Skitz13]

Originally Posted by Lobster Hands

This post will probably seem like a ramble...

I just don't quite get it. I look at other people and I see how they act/react. They simply do what needs to be done, their feelings don't interfere with it. Whether they want to or not doesn't affect them, they still get it done. They are functional.

Then, on the other side of the spectrum, there's me (and people like me...of course). My emotions have an impact on everything I do. They can and will be the deciding factor on whether or not I do something (and everything).

It seems like I see people plowing through life by way of shutting off their emotions. Sort of like they are naturally drawn toward thinking through obstacles instead of feeling through them.

I'm not saying "normal" people have it easier because they don't have the problems that come along with being over emotional, but at first glance it certainly appears to be simpler.

This post may not even make sense...but that's ok. It is just an unrefined thought.

You're right "normal" people do have it easier in some ways. They only have to deal with the problem and not the whole range of emotions we feel about the problem or even if there isn't a "problem." The emotions we feel are problematic enough.

I have to live a very low key life because If I don't I lose my freakin mind. Can't deal with stress and day to day living can be a challenge at times.

Your post made perfect sense

[Skitz13]

Originally Posted by Talanic

I agree with shortandcute, totally not rambling, it makes total sense to me

I've found myself thinking the same thing.

I just look at people and see them going about their lives. Finishing school, working 40 hours a week, doing something that would normally send me deep into depression without a drop of sweat and doing all of that with being stable at the same time. A lot of my friends are almost done with college and I'm not even really close. It's just hard to deal with school and staying stable at the moment (But once I finally get to a stable time in my life I hope to go back). I recently went to a bar with some friends and there where tons of people dancing, talking to each other, flirting around, meeting new people and I found myself thinking “Why can't I do that? Why do my emotions have to make it so hard?”. If I where to do something like that I'd go into a panic attack and it would just be a trigger for depression or other goodies that come with being bipolar. That or I'd just be so down and depressed that I couldn't get myself to do anything like that. It's like you said Lobster, emotions have a huge impact. I often wonder what it would be like to not have to deal with all of the characteristics of being bipolar. I could maybe be almost done with school, I could have a job, I could go out and meet new people, heck maybe I could have a stable relationship right now. But you know, as much as it sucks to deal with all the emotions from being bipolar there are defiantly positives. Without it I wouldn't have gotten so into psychopharmacology, I might not understand as clearly as I do now about the suffering in this world. Not to say I never understood the suffering in this world, but dealing with everything makes me understand it more. It also shows me that everything has meaning and an impact. Sort of like someone with Hoarding disorder, to them every little thing no matter how small, or “trashy” it may seem is meaningful. We understand the full picture (in a manner of speaking). We understand that something small can have a huge impact. We understand how hard the world can be, and there for I think we have a big chance on changing something in this world. Once we're stable, once we're on the right treatment, and once we've conquered our challenges, we can take what we've learned from these horrible experiences and do something that matters, and become better people. We're offered a wonderful opportunity to learn... even though it's a tough class. But once we get our A+, we can go out and make a difference.

That's my rant I guess haha

Well well said Talanic!!!

[Skitz13]

Originally Posted by Lobster Hands

This post will probably seem like a ramble...

I just don't quite get it. I look at other people and I see how they act/react. They simply do what needs to be done, their feelings don't interfere with it. Whether they want to or not doesn't affect them, they still get it done. They are functional.

Then, on the other side of the spectrum, there's me (and people like me...of course). My emotions have an impact on everything I do. They can and will be the deciding factor on whether or not I do something (and everything).

It seems like I see people plowing through life by way of shutting off their emotions. Sort of like they are naturally drawn toward thinking through obstacles instead of feeling through them.

I'm not saying "normal" people have it easier because they don't have the problems that come along with being over emotional, but at first glance it certainly appears to be simpler.

This post may not even make sense...but that's ok. It is just an unrefined thought.

Plzsti - acronym for plz stop the insanity. Need I say more?

[Orienteer]

Originally Posted by Talanic

I agree with shortandcute, totally not rambling, it makes total sense to me

I've found myself thinking the same thing.

I just look at people and see them going about their lives. Finishing school, working 40 hours a week, doing something that would normally send me deep into depression without a drop of sweat and doing all of that with being stable at the same time. A lot of my friends are almost done with college and I'm not even really close. It's just hard to deal with school and staying stable at the moment (But once I finally get to a stable time in my life I hope to go back). I recently went to a bar with some friends and there where tons of people dancing, talking to each other, flirting around, meeting new people and I found myself thinking “Why can't I do that? Why do my emotions have to make it so hard?”. If I where to do something like that I'd go into a panic attack and it would just be a trigger for depression or other goodies that come with being bipolar. That or I'd just be so down and depressed that I couldn't get myself to do anything like that. It's like you said Lobster, emotions have a huge impact. I often wonder what it would be like to not have to deal with all of the characteristics of being bipolar. I could maybe be almost done with school, I could have a job, I could go out and meet new people, heck maybe I could have a stable relationship right now. But you know, as much as it sucks to deal with all the emotions from being bipolar there are defiantly positives. Without it I wouldn't have gotten so into psychopharmacology, I might not understand as clearly as I do now about the suffering in this world. Not to say I never understood the suffering in this world, but dealing with everything makes me understand it more. It also shows me that everything has meaning and an impact. Sort of like someone with Hoarding disorder, to them every little thing no matter how small, or “trashy” it may seem is meaningful. We understand the full picture (in a manner of speaking). We understand that something small can have a huge impact. We understand how hard the world can be, and there for I think we have a big chance on changing something in this world. Once we're stable, once we're on the right treatment, and once we've conquered our challenges, we can take what we've learned from these horrible experiences and do something that matters, and become better people. We're offered a wonderful opportunity to learn... even though it's a tough class. But once we get our A+, we can go out and make a difference.

That's my rant I guess haha

Seriously, this moved me to tears! Thank you for such lovely encouraging words!

[swheaton]

"Normal" people don't notice how blue the sky can be or how fragile a flower is. We see the beauty people take for granted, heck, we feel it. Sometimes I wish I could be more focused, like everyone else appears to be. What is normal, though. How do we know what normal really is? We might be the normal ones.

[pawn78]

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

But normal people never feel the wind in their hair and feel the Earth turning. They never take off their shoes to feel the history under their feet and feel interconnected with the whole world. They never feel 1000% oh-so-alive. They cannot listen music with their whole body.

It must be sorta boring being bleh all the time, mustn't it?

Yes!
And yes I listen to music like I am having a fullbody experience! I just discovered dubstep and I am in heaven listening to some of the better electronic tracks I am discovering.

[littlemiss44]

There are days when I wish I didn't feel so deeply...then other days I'm so glad a do! It has been so uplifting to read all the posts here. I don't feel alone. You all calm my heart and sooth my soul. We are in this together and that makes it all worth it. If normal is not feeling yr true emotions then I want none of it! :-)

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[Talanic]

Originally Posted by Orienteer

Seriously, this moved me to tears! Thank you for such lovely encouraging words!

You're very welcome and a reply hug for you too Plzsti!

Originally Posted by littlemiss44

There are days when I wish I didn't feel so deeply...then other days I'm so glad a do! It has been so uplifting to read all the posts here. I don't feel alone. You all calm my heart and sooth my soul. We are in this together and that makes it all worth it. If normal is not feeling yr true emotions then I want none of it! :-)

I feel the same way. It has been really nice finding this site. I don't have much of a support system... My moms alright, but I can't talk to her about my mental state... Same goes for my friends, I really can't talk to them about all this stuff. That and my dad is never there. So I'm really thankful for everyone. So to whoever is reading this... Thanks a lot