[chooky]

g'day whoever reads this,just an update,I did a posting a while ago,and havent been on computer for ages(use library ones)so updating.I am really pleased with my progress on ridding the demons,(obviously not an over night job,the suckers have latched on all my life)but slowly with positive thought and knowledge of tiredness being a huge factor with the demons I am getting out of the downs without too much mental scarring.I choose not to take meds,I am type 2 and definately rapid cycling but actually want the highs which help me with my business plans,and motivation and of course the 6,000 thoughts at once are helpful once I get to decipher them,no wonder we get bloody tired I tell ya.Because of a severe 3/4 teenage yrs of depression and 4 suicide attempts,I find those years help me not go back to that,not to say the downs aren't doozies,but I became a chronic(20yr)compulsive gambler(3 yrs in feb,free of pokies,poker machines)and didnt feel all the depression I should have due to I know now the suicide yrs,thanks to a great counseller I have blocks in place to not go back to pokies,and that helps me know I can block out the bad thoughts,depression,memories etc.I will never go back to those days again,although a few times i've panicked,but talked to people(health team here in oz)etc.I don't recommend to anyone not to take meds,it is seriously hard work,but for me,for now,I need and want the ups,just a shame gravity throws in the downs.I am harmless,I dont think dellussional(arguable I know)but believe I can succeed with my art on the market,with the help of motivation.(ups)also have lost 20kgs(2.25pnds per kilo)and have 50 to go,but the ups help there too.I wouldnt say I'm great right now,but hanging in,just tired,but I will win this battle.All the best to you all,we are blessed and cursed with a ***** of an illness,but I am using the ups to achieve stuff.c yaz.thanks for listening.

Yes, I really liked the ups, but the downs were too much (overdoses, etc.) My mother was from N.Z., was a war bride, but she had bp, too, & couldn't be helped. They tried ECT, drugs, therapy, etc, , but she was in & out of mental institutions & ran off to N.Z. when she learned my father was going to have her involuntarily committed. She stayed there a year. My grandmother knew she was in bad shape & tried to protect her, but she suddenly flew home (U.S. San Francisco), I saw her for about 5 min. & knew she was too "crazy" to be with. That's the last I saw of her. She killed herself 3 days later.

If she had had the meds available today, I believe she could have had a happy & productive life.

I'm thankful for the meds I'm on for bp 1.

Hope you do well in your quest for the best quality of life.--Suzy

[chooky]

suzy,I'm really sorry to hear that about your mum,that really is sad,must be hard for you mate.I've been dx as BP2,they say I would have either been in hospital or on the news if I was type 1,I had my hospital times in my suicide days,in my teens,which I think helps me today,I'm so scared to get that low again,although I've had a couple of scares but with more knowledge and working on the control side of things I can kind of cope or at least know when I catch up on sleep and not accept the down thoughts I'll come out of it.from reading up on BP I know I've had type 1 from time to time but without the auditory hallucinations,luckily.I know for sure if I didnt have the love and support of good parents,I maybe wouldnt be here today and I think I'd be a lot worse off.Shame though for parents I didnt get dx earlier.Dx in last 2yrs or so.At this stage and in the past I am of no danger to anyone or myself (promised my mum years ago,I'd never try again(suicide)so I intend to fight the battle of my life without meds,if at any time I am dangerous to others I'll take them without hesitation.good luck to you mate,have a good day.

[chooky]

I also am working on massive weight loss,have lost 20kgs so far and have another 50 or so to go.(charmed I'm sure,lol)but I know without a doubt that is going to help my self confidence,which over the years I have built up,and especially my dad use to help(died when I was 18,bugger it).I have no idea why but my self esteem was extremely low,of course weight doesnt help either.I want to start liking myself,people do,but it's also a battle to beat the low self esteem,but it's going to happen and I figure if you like yourself,life will be so much easier,we have to live 24/7 with ourselves so may as well enjoy our own company eh.

[chooky]

I'm having one of those ups without being up,that is annoying cause if I'm going to suffer and have to fight the downs I at least want to enjoy the up.oh well %#@&#! happens.

Congrats on the weight loss. I'm trying to lose weight myself. I've put on a lot in the last 5 years--some due to meds, some menopause, quitting smoking, low thyroid (just found out about that & am starting meds), insulin resistance, metabolic syndrome. It's been slow going, but I'm losing a little every week. I really have a serious problem with low self-esteem so this is one area that I'm hoping will help improve that.--Suzy