Thought I was doing better...

The past few weeks have been pretty eventful; I was oversleeping and chronically bored, but I wasn't experiencing any serious symptoms. Sui thoughts were transient and I ignored them.

Then today happened. For some reason, I felt even more bored with my work and life than usual. Then, as I was walking home from work, I get a text from a girl I went on a date with last night (I met her on a dating site). I thought the date had gone well, better than any other date I had ever been on.

Apparently she hadn't been feeling the same way, because in her text she said she "couldn't picture us in a romantic relationship" but that she still wants to be friends.

I was crushed, already low for no reason, and now I had a reason. I had already started building a world in which we were together, and it was so beautiful.

I know I complain about this all the time, but I can't stand it anymore. I NEED romance!!!! The way I need food and water and oxygen. I've wanted a romantic relationship since I was 12. I'm now 22, and I haven't had any relationships, not even bad ones. I've had feelings for many friends that were unreturned. If you watch the relationships forum, you know that I was interested in pursuing my male friend, until people told me that "he just doesn't seem to be that into me".

I cried so hard tonight after receiving that text. Why doesn't anyone want me? Why aren't I good enough for anyone except for creeps that I meet online who speak in monotone voices, or are uneducated, or do drugs.

I think that I'm intelligent, and witty, and beautiful in my own way, and then no one wants to date me and it makes me question all of it. Maybe I am a worthless loser? Maybe I don't deserve to exist, because no one on the face of this earth wants to kiss me?

I'm so mad, not at the people that rejected me, but at God. Why did he make me like this? Why did he create me if I'm destined to never experience romantic love, the most magical emotional experience there is?

I was doing so well, seeing so many new possibilities in my life, and now I just want to end it again.

You are having a bad day, so it is not the right time to think about your place in the universe. You say you are mad at God, and since you believe in God, you know that you are here for a purpose. Please do not think about becoming nonexistent.

I have been having a lot of bad days lately, myself. My SI thoughts prompted me to seek help twice at hospitals in the past 2 weeks. Now I have to attend a partial hospital program. I mention this just to let you know that bipolar symptoms are adversely affecting someone else as well. You are definitely not alone there.

When I was young, I never thought any man would find me desirable. I feared that I would never find romance. That made me very depressed. While you are so disappointed with the woman you dated last night, you seem to have been building a relationship in your mind after seeing her just once. Maybe her offer of friendship is not as bad as you think. It was friends who eventually became much more, and I had a number of relationships before getting married.

It seems you are putting a lot of thought and passion into wanting romance. It is a good idea to get to know people, in non-stressful situations (a first date is a stressful situation). Relax and just be yourself and find ways to participate in group activities where women can see the real you, where you are not pursing them. As you get know others, you will become familiar with their personalities, their likes, their flaws, etc. You will also find who you have the most in common with. It will give you a better chance to develop a relationship that could lead to romance.

I feel confident that you will be okay. Being young is your advantage. Let your self-esteem grow- that will make you very attractive to women.

The best advice I can give is what I had to tell myself. I am 23 and have only had 2 relationships and all through high school all my friends had lots of boyfriends and girlfriends and nobody ever was interested in me. I was crushed so many times and rejected by people who led me on or used me. After my first relationship ended and it ended badly I was so depressed and felt so worthless and undesired. I desperately wanted to find love and I felt that it was the only thing that would make me whole. Any guy that said hi to me I was already planning the wedding...it was ridiculous. The day I stopped looking, I came to peace with the fact that if I kept desperately searching nothing was going to come my way. I gave up truly and accepted the fact that it might be a long time, if ever, before I meet someone who would want to love me. I stopped looking, and then I met my current boyfriend of nearly 5 years. Everybody I know who is desperately searching isn't meeting anyone...it's when you stop looking that the right person will walk into your life. And relationships wont fix you, they wont make your life easier. My relationship is work every single day, especially with my health concerns. The best thing to do is find out what makes YOU a great desirable person and once you realize those things, others will take notice as well.

Thanks for all the advice and kind words. I saw my t today, and talked about this. I feel slightly better now, though I'm still disappointed with my love life and wish things were different. Oh, well. When the right person comes into my life, it will be worth the waiting.

I didn't date ever. Even when I met my husband he essentially moved in with me the day we met. Less than two weeks later we were engaged. It wouldn't of happened if we both weren't (hypo)manic. It worked out well for us. I know very few relationship that aren't friends turned more.

The fact is, for men & women, that if you are desperate, people can sense it. It is a turn-off. I am not trying to be mean. Just real. As soon as a person stops desperately seeking a mate & starts doing things that are fun/interesting for them, the chance of finding the right person who Will be "into" you elevates.
I never needed a guy. But they swarmed around me. I was never a "girlie girl." I climbed trees, swam in creeks, ran for miles alone. Loved being alone. But guys were always after me. Sometimes, the wrong ones! I really think it was because they could sense I was AOK alone.
As an adult, I got into acting, dancing, writing, book clubs, Ren' Faires & other things that I loved. I met my husband of 27 years while doing a play. I was 30. I hadn't acted since college but told my BF "I'm getting back into acting!" It was fun. I'd been dating 2 guys who weren't interested in marriage at that time. The actor & I hit it off right away.
My husband, before he met me, had your problem. Desperate for a relationship all his life. Never had a GF for longer than 6 weeks. He is super intelligent, handsome, sweet, hard-working, loves theater, poetry, hikes in nature, travel. I am SO lucky that all those girls/women who rejected him left him alone! He is the greatest guy.
I collect love stories. I've read stories about people who were single in their 30s, 40s, 50s and up to their 90s who suddenly met the love of their Life at a high school/college reunion or in a book club or discussion group.
So there IS someone out there for you! As soon as you get involved in something that you love doing, you will start meeting people who are really interested in who you really are. You are young, it will happen for you!



quote=Secretum;3793164]Thanks for all the advice and kind words. I saw my t today, and talked about this. I feel slightly better now, though I'm still disappointed with my love life and wish things were different. Oh, well. When the right person comes into my life, it will be worth the waiting.[/quote]