[Talanic]

So I went on a date not that long ago. Went pretty well. After we started texting a lot. But after a few days when talking I told her that I was in her town on that day, so she asked why and I told her that I was picking up some meds (Since I go out of town to pick them up) She then asked what meds I was picking up, and so to be honest and open i told her of my diagnosis and why I'm on the meds in the first place. She then asked about the whole psychosis thing and again to be honest and open I told her that I hear voices and stuff. Ever since I told her she seems to have no interest in meeting up again and has kind of stopped talking to me...

Makes me sad since I honestly really liked her... Oh well :\ I also swear whenever I go on a date the person can just tell that there's somethings wrong with me... There can't be many people that would want to be with someone like me... Part of me just wants to give up on finding someone. I feel alone and could use a hug... lol...

[Yoda]

There will be people who are accepting of our mental illnesses and those who are not accepting. Perhaps you are blessed that you did not invest a lot of time/energy/cost in a relationship destined to fail.

Anyhow I am sorry that she rejected you. You say that there can't be many who would want someone like you but I think you simply haven't found your match yet. And there isn't anything 'wrong' with you. You are one of 'us' at PC.

[buzz bee]

How disappointing. Better now then down the road. It might be more then she could chew off.

Some people can handle us and some can't. Ive noticed this just in my own family. Hang tight. We love you.

[Curiosity77]

Dating is pretty rough. In the past year i went out in so many first, sometimes second dates, and couldn't connect with anyone. Part of it was that i am carrying around the big secret of my illness, which i don't like to mention until i've known a person for a while because i don't want that to be the first thing they know and judge about me. At least if they know me a while first they will know that i am not crazy. Anyways, i've been dating a guy for the past month, and so far it's going well. Last week i told him about my illness, and his reaction was "i'm not concerned." Then he had a lot of questions which i answered truthfully, and he seemed satisfied with that. So this is looking really positive, after so many tries with so many people, maybe this will work out. I hope so because dating is demoralizing when i keep putting myself out there and it is terrible. I'm not sure about my feelings in this new relationship, i'm cautious, but hoping for the best. Anyways, hang in there because as hard as it is, you'll meet someone eventually. I hope i'm off the dating rollercoaster for a while. Hugs

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Mrs. Mania]

@ my last job, one of my co-worker snaps, " I swear your bi-polar!" I said, well yes, I am actually, dx and treated. Look was priceless. Not too priceless was everyone whispering about it the rest of the nite

[Trippin2.0]

I'm sorry but I don't really blame her...

I think its important for people to get to know us first, make up their minds about us first, BEFORE we give them any kinda reason to change their minds.

That way they have more to work with when deciding if this dx is a deal breaker or not.

I thoroughly believe that the only reason nobody has ever rejected me based on this dx is that they got to know me without the label, and when the label did come up, each of them realized it didn't change a damn thing... I was still the same Lia I was before they knew my dx.

Ignorance runs rampant, so even though I'm not saying hand out fact sheets about bipolar, I am saying, that especially when dating, let them get to know as much about you, the type of person you are, before saying "buuut wait, there's more.."

I'm all for "honesty is the best policy",unless of course it can only hurt, then I'm not such a fan. But there's also that very real sentiment of "too much too soon."

I'm sorry she ran, but better luck next time, pace yourself before you have to brace yourself

[Flummixed]

I agree with Trippin. This is a case of too much too soon. Yes being honest is important but if you're in treatment and not a total mess declaring your illness can wait for a while. Give them the chance to see that you're not a mess and can function. Then after a while let them know what the doctors say. Dating hurts no matter the circumstances really but without risk there is no reward. Just try not to shoot yourself in the foot after the first date.

Good luck!

[r010159]

IMO too much too soon. Only the adventurous or MI would continue dating you in these circumstances.

[pawn78]

I never tell anyone about my illness, unless they are very close to me.
At work , all I tell them is, "I have to go the doctor this day," I don't tell them why. One guy asked me, and I just told him I have a genetic disease, but it's no big deal. He seemed satisfied with that.

[~Christina]

Next time just wait a while .. Only you will know how long to wait but like others said let the person get to know you ...

Bipolar gets a bad rap on the news and in the movies .. thats the stuff people " think" Bipolar is about .

Happy dating

[TgFlux]

I think what you did was right. I like to do the same as I believe it clear things up about who is worth being around you or not.

[Talanic]

Thanks for the replies and best wishes everyone. Yeah, I most likely should have waited a little. In some ways I felt I owed telling her when she asked since I honestly haven't been stable recently and I felt like that she should know what she was getting into. My thinking was also kind of what TgFlux was saying. Ultimately I want someone who I can lay all the cards on the table with and have there be no judgment and have that not impact on getting to know the person (on both ends). For example if I was connecting with someone (and I thought that we where connecting really well. She even said we where) on a date and they admitted to being schizophrenic (or other) I wouldn't let that affect my judgement of them and getting to know them. That's the person I want.

I none the less kind of feel stupid now haha...

[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by Talanic

Thanks for the replies and best wishes everyone. Yeah, I most likely should have waited a little. In some ways I felt I owed telling her when she asked since I honestly haven't been stable recently and I felt like that she should know what she was getting into. My thinking was also kind of what TgFlux was saying. Ultimately I want someone who I can lay all the cards on the table with and have there be no judgment and have that not impact on getting to know the person (on both ends). For example if I was connecting with someone (and I thought that we where connecting really well. She even said we where) on a date and they admitted to being schizophrenic (or other) I wouldn't let that affect my judgement of them and getting to know them. That's the person I want.

I none the less kind of feel stupid now haha...

Some people I've told in conversation one, some at the third date...no rejections have occurred based on that...I stay away from clinical terms and just say that I used to hear voices but took medicine to stop it etc. everyone reacts differently and I suspect that being a female helps for a number of reasons....not the least of which just about any guy could hold me off in a physical altercation....as there is the perceived increase in violent tendencies....still I consider it a weeder kind of thing anyway....I'm looking for naturally xenophilic people and most of them are more curious about such things than worried about them....I'd rather not waste my time with people who would write me off for getting sick and actively fighting the illness with medical care rather than trying to limp by on my own just to avoid a label...

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by Talanic

My thinking was also kind of what TgFlux was saying.

I have the same attitude, but the odds are in nobody's favour when ignorance is making choices.

Ultimately I want someone who I can lay all the cards on the table with and have there be no judgment and have that not impact on getting to know the person (on both ends).

While this is a very valid want for every humanbeing, we have to consider the other person in the equation.... What if (in this case) that particular girl had a horrid experience with someone who has a bipolar dx? What if that person is her only reference for bipolar? This means that she has NOTHING else to go on because you didn't give her a chance to get to know you seperate from you dx, and so she makes the decision based on the only data available to her.

For example if I was connecting with someone on a date and they admitted to being schizophrenic (or other) I wouldn't let that affect my judgement of them and getting to know them.
But being slapped with a mentally ill label yourself you'd be kind of an as.s. to turn down a girl based on a dx. Not only that, I assume you've educated yourself on atleast the basics so you have no media stereo type and fear mongering to contend with, like the general population.

That's the person I want.

And that's the person you'll find, but you have to give them a fighting chance here, even the playing field. Ignorance is a huge disadvantage, something you are clearly overlooking... Your premature honesty forced this girl to make an uninformed decision. One she probably doesn't even like, but feels is the best choice. Because here's she's suddenly faced with horrid media image / personal experience VS this guy I barely know, but felt a connection with.

Had you given her more time to get to know you, she would've had the opportunity to see that the label didn't matter as you would've provided her with enough data to be able to possibly be non judgemental and to make an informed decision.

I think there are many times when we expect a lot from nons without even realizing it, and it makes many of us miserable. I've been there myself (not WRT dating) and I think that we should all learn to exercise some consideration and empathy toward them, because they deserve it as much as we do.

I none the less kind of feel stupid now haha...

No need to feel stupid, you did what you thought was right and sadly it backfired.
We live and learn.

[bleutamales]

Hmmmm....I'm just wondering if she'd still be around if you had told her you were picking up your anti-diarrheal and your prescription mouthwash to combat your chronic halitosis. I mean really, just say whatevs to this one and know that there are plenty of fish in the sea that would love to have a good guy like you. Next time just wait a bit for the big reveal. Anyone that cares about you will be willing to listen and learn about you and everything you want to share.

[outlaw sammy]

Anything you say (on a date) can and will be used against you.

[outlaw sammy]

Originally Posted by Talanic

So I went on a date not that long ago. Went pretty well. After we started texting a lot. But after a few days when talking I told her that I was in her town on that day, so she asked why and I told her that I was picking up some meds (Since I go out of town to pick them up) She then asked what meds I was picking up, and so to be honest and open i told her of my diagnosis and why I'm on the meds in the first place. She then asked about the whole psychosis thing and again to be honest and open I told her that I hear voices and stuff. Ever since I told her she seems to have no interest in meeting up again and has kind of stopped talking to me...

Makes me sad since I honestly really liked her... Oh well :\ I also swear whenever I go on a date the person can just tell that there's somethings wrong with me... There can't be many people that would want to be with someone like me... Part of me just wants to give up on finding someone. I feel alone and could use a hug... lol...

Buy a cat. They're accepting, loving, and great to talk to because they're totally agreeable.