[outlaw sammy]

I'm getting sick and tired of the parade of self-righteous fools who expect me to apologize for my actions and statements when I'm manic or manic-psychotic. I haven't any guilt or shame - and why the **** should I?! Bipolar is a mental illness, and not some character defect or personality flaw. We can't help saying or doing the insane things we do when we decompensate - any more than an epileptic can control his/her seizures, and nobody expects them to apologize for having a seizure.

I do most of the time try to apologize because of feeling guilty, but I absolutely understand where you're coming from. Just like I asked someone how do you bite your tongue when it things come out before the mind has control to stop it? The response was you just have to. I don't think that person has bipolar either so now I question myself why I even asked them.

If I realize at the time, or it is brought to my attention later, that during an episode I said or did something that was hurtful to someone else, I am going to apologize for that. The fact that I did it while ill doesn't excuse me from the behavior. It may explain why my behavior happened, but it doesn't make the effect of that behavior any less painful for those on the receiving end. If I hurt someone I care about, no matter under what circumstances, I am going to apologize and work with my therapist to find ways to manage my symptoms in a way that hopefully will have less negative impact on those around me in the future.

[Victoria'smom]

I started apologising within the last 2 years. I was quickly told not to. That I've never been ashamed of what I do and say and to start now is ridiculous and doesn't look good on me. I was also told that saying "sorry for hurting you" isn't a proper apology.

I really am sorry I hurt others but I'm not sorry for my actions. So if they truly want an apology apologize for hurting them, tell them you didn't mean to and if its something you don't mean say that.

Be honest, that's all you have in life.

[~Christina]

If I hurt anyone while in an episode I always apologize... But that is just me and what I think is right for me and my loved ones.

[Trippin2.0]

I always apologize too, for me it goes hand in hand with me accepting accountability, which is something I've always personally been pedantic about. MI isn't enough of an excuse for me to hurt the people around me.

While I do get how an episode can be likened to an epileptic seizure, the difference is that an epileptic doesn't inflict any hurt on their loved ones by having a seizure...

And no, I'm not saying you're using BP as an excuse to behave poorly, that's just how I look at it for myself, in my life.

Nobody can force you to feel ashamed of your actions, but apologies stem from remorse, which is not always tied to shame.

Me? I don't feel ashamed of how I may act due to my BP, remorse? Definitly, shame? None.

However my BPD reactions are always followed by both shame, guilt and remorse. Go figure...

[outlaw sammy]

I totally agree with apologizing to someone hurt as the result of a episodic event, but not for having the episode in the first place. Even an epileptic having a seizure can accidentally smash something or punch another in the face. Certainly they can be sorry for the harm they caused - but not for suffering the cause.

Originally Posted by outlaw sammy

I totally agree with apologizing to someone hurt as the result of a episodic event, but not for having the episode in the first place. Even an epileptic having a seizure can accidentally smash something or punch another in the face. Certainly they can be sorry for the harm they caused - but not for suffering the cause.

"expect me to apologize for my actions and statements when I'm manic or manic-psychotic"

It sounds like that is what they are asking for here. That sounds reasonable really.

[Blitter2014]

I was given the advice by someone who has had bipolar longer than me "Don't make a career our of apologizing - rather reaffirm your love".

In other words, you don't need to be always saying sorry, as all that does it put you down and make you feel lousy about yourself. Having said that, if it is a big thing that you have done and it deserves an apology, then I think one should apologize. But its all to easy to start saying sorry for all the small stuff we do each day. It can get to the point where you are saying sorry more than anything else to a person. "Sorry I didn't talk to you for longer, sorry I wasn't listening properly, sorry that I seemed to ignore you....." If I have done something clearly wrong, like loose my cool, swear, or otherwise be rude, and I would expect someone else to apologize if the roles were reversed, then I apologize. It's the right thing to do.

But for all the smaller stuff which can be put down to a bad day or a potential misunderstanding, saying sorry all the time can really have a bad effect on your own self confidence and make you feel like shutting yourself up indoors in apadded cell. Thats when I try to not always be saying sorry. Rather, when you can, especially if you care about the person you may have offended, or the person is a constant in your life, re confirm your love for that person by telling them how much you appreciate their patience or understanding, or how much you love them being in your life. Let them know you know you appreciate them putting up with when you are, well being bipolar you. Build them up, and that builds you up at the same time.

For me,I thought it was good advice. Saying sorry for putting your foot in it once and a while is like expecting someone with a broken leg to say sorry for not being able to walk properly - you wouldnt expect them to, its unreasonable. But for some reason, with the stigmas that go along with mental illness, comes the need for acceptance, and I think that is the reason why we are sometimes too quick to say sorry, becuase at times its more about being accepted than needing to say sorry for the small insignificant thing we have done

[Angry1541]

Hmm...I apologize after my rage events -- at least to my wife...my brother and parents are so inured to my fits from repeated exposure over the years, they just brush me off....but my wife didn't understand why I would periodically go on these horrible rages and say the most god awful hateful stuff. I would always profusely apologize afterwards. Hell I didn't even know I had these episodes until late last year....it's a little easier for my wife now, but I haven't really blown up since I went on my meds....so...

I still sometimes feel like it, but I am able to pull back from that edge just in time...sometimes I snap and gets scared I am going to rage, but I haven't in a long long time...was every 3/4 months....haven't since last Thanksgiving time....so...

I guess it depends on the audience....

[wildflowerchild25]

Like the other posters said, bipolar is not an excuse for bad behavior. If I get in a rage and hit or verbally abuse my husband, I sure as hell apologize for it. If I just said oh, I was manic, deal with it, I'm sure we'd be divorced.

And also, I feel i someone is not doing verything in his or her power to address their condition then they ARE responsible for the episodes. I'm not saying everyone has to be on medication, but if you are not treating your condition through any means then you're not taking responsibility. I've done this. I've abused my medication, I've stopped taking it AMA, I've refused to use coping skills, I've done all that jazz. In those cases I feel I'm responsible for the episodes I induced. AGAIN I am NOT saying everyone needs meds, I'm saying that ignoring your condition is not a responsible way to handle it. To use your analogy, an epileptic would be responsible for seizures if he/she refused treatment.

Just my opinion, possibly an unpopular one.

[outlaw sammy]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Like the other posters said, bipolar is not an excuse for bad behavior. If I get in a rage and hit or verbally abuse my husband, I sure as hell apologize for it. If I just said oh, I was manic, deal with it, I'm sure we'd be divorced.

And also, I feel i someone is not doing verything in his or her power to address their condition then they ARE responsible for the episodes. I'm not saying everyone has to be on medication, but if you are not treating your condition through any means then you're not taking responsibility. I've done this. I've abused my medication, I've stopped taking it AMA, I've refused to use coping skills, I've done all that jazz. In those cases I feel I'm responsible for the episodes I induced. AGAIN I am NOT saying everyone needs meds, I'm saying that ignoring your condition is not a responsible way to handle it. To use your analogy, an epileptic would be responsible for seizures if he/she refused treatment.

Just my opinion, possibly an unpopular one.

Sorry, but an episodic event (i.e. insanity) due to bipolar disorder is an absolute affirmative defense against legal responsibility for a crime. In other words, whatever a person says or does while mentally incapacitated (i.e. insane) is beyond their control and thus, not their responsibility. Certainly, the offender who deliberately refuses medication, like the intoxicated offender, hasn't any defense due to the voluntary nature of their mental incapacitation.

But most of the time, we aren't "insane" during an episode. Just being in an episode is not the legal definition of insanity.

" in most courts that recognize the "insanity defense," someone is found to be legally insane if he or she meets one of three conditions:
Because of a mental disorder, the defendant did not understand that what he or she was doing was illegal.
Because of a mental disorder, the defendant did not know what he or she was doing.
Because of a mental disorder, the defendant was compelled to commit the crime by an irresistible force."

I'm guessing most of us don't actually meet any of those definitions most of the time.

[r010159]

We are not as helpless as we think we are...

[A Red Panda]

I would apologize if I did anything that would hurt someone. I also tend to preemptively apologize/warn if I notice I'm in an irritable depression/hypomania. "I'm really irritated at the world, if I insult you I'm really sorry and don't mean it, I'm doing my best! Just call me out on it later" is something I'll say if I notice myself getting pissed off with someone I'm close to.

I don't really have anger issues, and no violence. I also don't have mania or psychosis, so that likely helps me out. I would never, ever, be able to plead an insanity case. I wouldn't qualify, because I'm always aware of what I am doing, even if I can't always get my mouth to shut up.

While I may not feel sorry for having an episode, like. I'm not going to go "Hey, I'm sorry I've been depressed for such a long time" I will genuinely feel sorry if I've been neglecting someone, and I'll apologize for that because my actions and choices are affecting them - and even though it's an illness, I'm still responsible for the effect that I have on others. If I didn't care about how I might hurt them, even when I'm at my worst, then I don't think I could consider myself a good friend because not feeling sorry for what I did to them afterwards would show me that I didn't really care about them... and that wouldn't be fair to them at all.

[Disorder7]

I do apologize when I hurt someone. Particularly the times I've lashed out in rage or physically attacked someone. I hate the times I've been that way.

Bipolar may be the reason I've done some horrible things, but it's not an excuse that I'm going to hide behind.

Just my opinion.

[buzz bee]

Thank you

[venusss]

We are not powerless in an episode mostly. Usually you can control your behavior to a big degree and when you know you might be a trouble... withdraw from the situation, try to do what you do to treat symptoms.

If you despite best efforts cause harm, the decent thing is to apologize and make amends. People make mistakes, that is human. But it shows a good character if you try to make up for it.


And as for liking it other illness. If you fall sick at somebody's place... you don't say "sorry to cause you trouble"? Cause I do. Like once I gotten a bad sunstroke in Albania, when on camping place and about 10 people ended up taking care of me, trying to help me in various ways... when I gotten okay enough to sit on a bus to get to a city nearby (with address of accomodation in my hand and Albanian phrases on card for case of emergency), I apologized for causing them trouble. Because yes, it wasn't my fault, but taking care of sick chick wasn't part of anybody's vacation plan.

[wing]

I stopped apologizing. I've had numerous episodes of bizarre behavior and I think apologies ring hollow because I've said them so often.

After awhile, an apology becomes meaningless to anyone but me. It certainly does nothing to ease my guilt, and people expect crazy behavior from me, so what's the use?

[Skitz13]

I'm huge on ownership. Like has been stated, BP is no excuse to not take responsibility however, there are a lot of things we do that we can't control during an episode.

[Lobster Hands]

We can't let logic rule our lives. If you feel like you should apologize for something, then do so. If you feel like an apology isn't necessary, then don't.

Too many people apologize purely out of habit and that doesn't really do much. It doesn't always help because truthfully, most people aren't as fragile as we think. People get over things, they forget, they forgive.

If we explain ourselves once as being bipolar, or anything really, then people (fair people) should take that into consideration.

What I started out trying to say is that humans in general have a habit of rationalizing things they want to do, or sometimes don't want to do.

If we let our actions be governed be laws/statements then our ethics go out the window. We have to think and act on our own, and we have to be responsible for the way we think and act.

I wish the world would quit using logic to screw people and make truly ethical decisions.

Sent from my Nexus S 4G using Tapatalk

[noshadows]

My apologies means nothing to my family anymore. They say they heard it all a million times before, that I can't just "do or say what I want aka episode" and think sorry will fix it. This breaks my heart. Not saying sorry is worse, like I don't care for having hurt them so I will still rather try and fail. I hate it, been sorry my life long. Burdened with the guilt of hurting people you love.

[outlaw sammy]

WHAT IS ALL THIS NONSENSE ABOUT "USING BP AS AN EXCUSE"?

An excuse is like telling your teacher that your mom accidentally threw your term paper into the trash and it was hauled away to the dump.

A life-threatening illness that directly affects the victim's brain chemistry - is not some excuse - it's never an excuse! It's a bloody reason!!!!!!

When I was arrested by the FBI for viciously ripping up a rapist in another state - I was in a full-blown state of manic-psychosis. THAT'S NOT AN EXCUSE - BUT A SOLID LEGAL REASON FOR COMMITTING SUCH A VIOLENT ACT OF RETRIBUTION. The jury found me "not guilty by reason of insanity." Never once during the trial was the inappropriate word "excuse" mentioned. However, in federal court, the actors are all highly intelligent.

If you break your leg (femur fracture) and you you're temporarily crippled - then is your injury an excuse for your failure to walk? Obviously, there are a lot of fools out there who will still insist that it's nothing more than an excuse.

[venusss]

A life-threatening illness that directly affects the victim's brain chemistry - is not some excuse - it's never an excuse! It's a bloody reason!!!!!!

Nah, you still do it. Unless you are floridly psychotic, you still are the one who does it.

Can't sent bills to "bipolar". "Bipolar made me do it" will not make things right.

Yeah, thinking in terms for responsibility makes life harder at times. I am hard on myself. The good thing is I can also take credit for the good stuff I did. And I can find ways not to repeat the behaviors that hurt others or cause me trouble.

[venusss]

Also... even if you substribe to that "chemical imbalance" pharma made theory... it still doesn't mean brain chemistry "made you do it". Chemicals didn't make you throw yourself on that handsome guy. CHemicals didn't force your hands to use your credit card. Chemicals didn't make you yell at your spouse...

if you know you are prone to certain behaviors... for your own sake, you set roadblocks and try to stop yourself. I refuse to think this is some body snatcher thing. Most bipolars are able to live normal lifes... that include accountability.