Biplolar Stories/How we started vs where we are now

I really would like to tell my story. I don't know why. Maybe I want attention. Maybe I want confirmation that I am doing better? I don't know. But I don't want to share mine unless other people are willing to share theirs too. Is anyone willing to share their story? I marked this thread as a trigger because I am sure there will be triggers in my story and I'm sure in others as well.

I don't have any problem with telling my story except from the beginning to now would be a lot more than I want to type (or read). I'd rather have a single, specific question or event to answer or tell my story about.

What are the major positive and negative differences in your life that you've noticed since you were diagnosed?

I am 55 so that makes for a very long story. I think if you read around on this forum you will get bits and pieces of other people's stories. Welcome to the site!

I agree with the others to ask for anyones story is likely to take hours and hours of typing away ..and most people just arent into that . Just kinda of jump in midstream and you will begin to learn bits and pieces ... Do you have specific questions you are looking for opinions on ? Ask away

Welcome to PC

Long story short.... grew up in a family with a mix of dx and non dx bipolar all ignoring their issues. Left home at 16 in a fit feuld by parinoia, did some unsavery things. Had surgery, went home, od'd, droped out, went to college at 17.

17 bed hopped for a little, met a manic boy, had a kid and post partum psycosis. Moved said child and boy cross county on $15

19 met a boy while manic, he got divorced, I stayed just friend's , and said fiancee and child got ignored

20-21 bouts of homelessness, fiancee running trough jobs and got married.
22 dx'd depression, psycosis and angry mania, dx bipolar, bouts of homelesness
24 gave up pdoc, meds, bouts of homelessness
26 new pdoc, t no homelessness
31cross contry trip, move and homeless ness

Well, I was diagnosed 30 years ago and that was nearly 2 decades after I knew I was mentally imbalanced in some way. Being bipolar has been, and continues to be, an enormous challenge. I don't know how to state positives or negatives because I would have to be someone else and I'm not someone else, I'm stuck with being me.

I was just diagnosed a year ago at 41. Looking back, I see the pattern in my life-big time. No wonder I could never sleep-I was hypo. Also, I am feeling a lot of guilt over failed friendships and promiscuity. It has been hard...I feel like I am excavating scenes and relics from my past, dusting them off and looking at them through new eyes...the eyes of someone who is bi polar. Also wondering where my illness ends and my personality kicks in. Just try to be grateful everyday for my dear husband and two healthy happy daughters. Somehow I made a life for myself and that is something to be proud of. Thanks for listening/reading.

Before meds I was very intense, had anxiety and panic attacks, had a lot of energy and some grandiose thinking. I had a high sex drive and got a lot of things done. I also had bouts of intense irritability and rage. At times too I had bouts of depression and suicidal thinking.

Over the years I went to counseling, learned CBT, a good self-care regimen. Eventually I found a med cocktail that has been very helpful.

What about your story OP?

My story is long also. But I can sum it up in two words.

my story? well I was diagnosed 10 years ago. Bipolar 1, was in the middle of a manic episode. Lots of risk taking. got on meds and have been stable... well mostly! ever since.

Thank you all for sharing. I lived with paranoia and intense delusions, seeing/hearing things that were not there. I always saw consistently this shadow man following me everywhere, whispering horrible things to me. Making me feel down. The first time I tried to get help I was told I would grow out of it. I started self mutilating and hoped that it was just going to go away. After I got married and lost my first pregnancy, I destroyed my nursery, throwing the crib around and such, and had a rough time in my marriage. I decided to get help after I got pregnant again and very far along. I decided this one wasn't going to end like the other pregnancy did and I needed to get my self in shape. I got on medication and no longer see or hear things(as often). I really miss the shadow man though. I feel so much lonelier without him. But it is still a struggle.

Thanks for sharing your story with us tailie angel.

I had postpartum depression and anxiety - it's a very tough place to be.

Interesting to hear you say you miss the shadow man, that its lonelier without him. When I first got on meds I couldn't believe how quiet things were inside my head. I missed the constant yammer and chatter that was part of a racing mind. But you get used to the new normal.

I'm so sorry, tallie angel, for the loss of your baby. That alone is a very major trauma.

So sorry to hear about your loss tallie angel. That is hard.

I always had an imbalance- my moods would swing from extreme irritability- but when I was manic- I was the nicest person in the world to deal with. My hypomania let me think faster, I understood how people would react to me- so I was very good at guarding my behavior because I always had a nagging feeling that I wasn't normal. For me- the game changer was when I found out the my soon to be ex husband cheated on me. I knew that it had been going on for a couple of months, but reality smacked me right in the face.

We had been putting a lot of time and effort into starting his real estate business. So when he threatened to evict me for not paying rent when I was part-owner sent me over the edge. It was one thing to be cheated on, I reasoned- it was quite another to threaten to throw your family in the street after something you did.

Then, I decided that I wouldn't need sleep, didn't have the motivation to eat- I had an overwhelming urge to express myself in metaphor as much as possible. Long story short- I lost 40 pounds in three weeks and started to hallucinate from lack of sleep. One of my friends realized that I couldn't take care of myself and I ended up in in-patient for four weeks.

When I was originally diagnosed- I was on 2000 mg of Depakote, 2000 mg of zyprexa, 5 mg of klonopin, 250 of Effexor. Since then- my medication has been fine-tuned a lot- so I'm hoping that someone who reads my posts realizes that if the medication isn't working the way it should- a talented pdoc can help you get an optimal point- it may take a year or longer- but it can happen.

I feel fortunate to be a in a high-functioning category. Lots has happened- made some bad relationship choices, still have opportunities to handle being a mom better with my daughter, but things are coming together. When I look at last year- a ton of progress has been made since then.

Here goes nothing-
@ age 12 I saw my first psychiatrist for suicidal thoughts and was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. My mom disagreed because I was only a kid, so no treatment. Began drinking, sometimes heavily because I couldn't shake the feeling that something about me wasn't right.
@ age 16 I hung myself, obviously was found in time to be revived. Spent nearly 3 months inpatient and heavily medicated. Quit meds and treatment when I turned 18.
@ age 22 went inpatient for 2 weeks due to si was diagnosed with manic depression and anxiety disorder. I continued meds and treatment but times were very rocky. Spent a weekend inpatient @ age 23 for med adjustment.
@ age 24 I overdosed and spent 3 days in ICU, 3 weeks inpatient and finally decided I didn't want to die. I was in a semi-private room with a lady who actually did die! I moved from Ohio to Utah and it was a geographical cure. The rest of my 20's were glorious! Un-medicated carefree days! Not to say they were without struggle- periods of homelessness and an unfortunate victim of sexual assault that sent me back to meds and a new dx of ptsd/bipolar disorder/generalized anxiety disorder.
@ age 30 I met my husband, got married, started fertility treatment (quiting all meds) and got pregnant! Whew-what a year! Started back on meds when my daughter was 6 months old because of postpartum depression and have been on them pretty much since with the exception of breaks due to loss of insurance/finances.
@ age 42.......here I am! I have only contemplated suicide a few times since the birth of my daughter, always over $. She is absolutely what stops my thoughts every time! No matter how big a loser I feel I am, she is always looking to me as an example therefore I must continue on and fight like hell to make it better so that she will do the same. Continue on and fight like hell to make it better!