Breakthroughs and Understanding the Self

Hey all,

I am still around...been kinda laying low lately, but I think made a breakthrough of sorts understanding myself lately.

Recently my wife had been commenting on how I have appeared to be a little manic (meaning hypomanic). I didn't really think much of it....just kinda shrugged it off saying, "Maybe." (though I had noticed that I was spending more money than I normally would -- on music, at menards, whatever)

Then half a week ago, I had a day off work and my wife and I were discussing the family budget -- she has recently decided to pursue a PsyD degree, which means a lot more student debt -- however it also means she'll be able to command more income later on.

Anyway, we were talking about how strapped we'd be while she's in school. This created in a large amount of anxiety (money talk always does) -- which in turn caused me to become more severely hypomanic.

This was presenting itself in my zoom around the house doing chores like a maniac (see what I did there) -- very intensely jump from one thing the next, but still managing to get it all done. During that time I was also singing, dancing, making repetitive sounds (like phrases, or non-sense), just being -- well manic.

Then yesterday, my wife commented that I appeared be quite down....at first, my reaction was to deny it -- "I'm fine, really!" But as I explored my feelings and emotional state more, I realized that I was feeling down...

The right before bed, when I should have been brushing my teeth and getting calm and ready to chill, I decided was a perfect to start monkeying with all the loose door knob in a our bedroom. Yay! 10:30 handyman special!

Then today, I get into work and slam out a document I have been putting off for months -- a rather complex one....

I have I knew the depressive mood was coming after the manic episode, but I am finding them to kind of intertwine and occur together.

Just being aware of all this is A HUGE step forward for me...in understanding myself and actions and emotions.

AND!!! I found a trigger! -- Budget Worries -- gotta work on that.

Thanks for reading this rather long post.

~angry1541

I could have written this article myself over the past week or so. Had very similar actions/feelings! I'm currently just becoming more aware of myself and the ups and downs and patterns to help better understand.

Sounds like you are really in tune with yr moods which is really a good thing. As you know alot of times it's hard to know which way is up when we're hypomanic. Hey at least yr getting stuff done! But to be serious it sounds like a true episode too me. Sounds like the thought of money issues set you over the edge. That's understandable. You should probably tell yr pdoc about these changes and yr therapist if you have one. I hope you feel better soon.

Thanks -- I had to drop my therapist -- too spendy and my insurance sucks eggs....

But I will tell my pdoc -- the only redeeming thing about these episodes is that they aren't run out in traffic and lay on the center line manic....more extreme hyper manic...which I can deal with until I can see my pdoc again...

And as long as I am able to tell my wife what is going on inside me, she good at understanding it, she is getting her doctorate in the field so, she understands it professionally.

That's good to hear that you're gaining a better understanding of how to regulate your emotions. Budgets are a trigger for me too. I recently went a really bad spending spree (long story) and now have to deal with these high credit card payments. I've found that writing things in my budget like "I have a plan" or "Payments will go down as balance gets paid off" seem to sort of help. And I know without a budget- I wouldn't be able to make the changes that I need to do long-term. I've been in a slightly hypomanic state- been really get a lot of stuff done workwise- but need to be careful.

Yeah...I agree...funny I posted this, feeling relatively okay and last night I was a complete mess -- just totally paranoid I was gonna lose my job (no indications have been given I will, but...) and I was super sad....and just really out of sorts and totally not me...

Odd -- though I think might have taken my lunch dose of gaba twice....and late in the afternoon.

It was strange.

Be kind to yourself- your wife going to school full-time is a major change- while it'll be better in the long-run- there are going to be some adjustments. At least you're recognizing your mood changes - that's going to help you in the long term.

Yeah....I have begun working out (almost) daily as well - for some reason that seems to coincides with my ability to recognize me emotions better -- not sure why, but there appears to some correlation.

Maybe the working out helps me expend excess energy of mania and allows me to chill enough to feel where I really am....bah! IDK.

One of my triggers is budget fears and not having enough money to pay bills etc. i started a new job recently and recieved my first check which i thought was going to be much more and was not. I became very manic and coul dnot stop focusing on this. I also began doing alot of chours, but alos had ideas of getting another job or inventing some new gadget that would end our(my) worries about having enough money.

Yeah...everytime I worry about money issues, I am thinking about ways to bring in more....like if I could write that novel I have meaning to...cuz once I do it will ofcourse sell millions.

Sorry to hear about that Bipolar2014. You might want to check if your tax withholdings and deductions were applied correctly.

I've also noticed that an increase in my exercise helps with my emotional mindfulness and awareness as well. Probably has something to do with the endorphins that are released during exercise, which combat stress and help bring a sense of well-being. It just sucks that it's nearly impossible to get me to exercise when depressed. Kudos to you for being able to get out there almost everyday and help burn up your excess energy! I hope it keeps on being a healthy outlet for you!