Anyone else always full functioning in public?

I was diagnosed BP2 this year, before that I was only diagnosed as depression. No one outside of my home would ever guess I had a mental illness. I am a fun, easy going, hard working, pleasant person to be around. I go to work, to the gym, etc.

At home the main symptom that is obvious is my rage- people on the outside would never guess. And the depression...at work I usually don't even feel it- I am able to switch it off when I have to.

Even my recent hypomanic phase wasn't obvious to my husband. My wide angry mood swings are, but it seems either he is so used to my behavior or I am able to hide it so well. My mom (who has seen the depression, anorexia, anger, etc all growing up) is the only one who can sense my true mood.

Can anyone else completely hide their illness? This past week at work one night I was completely out of it, spacey, etc. and people just though I was high, but otherwise no one knows. It sometimes seems harder this way

I have the same ability- being able to switch it off for work. I've been fortunate that work is an area of my life where I feel a lot of control- and like you- my home life is where the symptoms can get out of hand.
Being able to sense someone's true mood is a skill that takes a lot of time to cultivate. If possible- consider having your husband go to a p-doc appointment with you.
The hardest aspect of being able (or at least thinking you can) to turn the on/off switch- is that it's only in selective settings. It really becomes that much more apparent that you don't have control as often as you think. My therapist has encouraged me to apply the things that I do with work- list making, setting goals, negotiating- to my home life so I can start to feel more in tune.

Thank you newtothis31- this is some good advise. And yes, symptoms get out of hand at home and I worry all the time that I am screwing up my kids (13 and 15). Luckily they have a kind, loving, patient dad that offsets me!

For me it's the difference between structure and unstructured time....while my job leaves it up to me to determine how to get my work done....I am still focused on my work -- sometimes I get a little over exuberant or angry in an email or on the phone...but....

At home with no structure or guidance to focus me, my symptoms blossom.

I always act sane and put together in public. I've had professionals refuse to believe I have a problem because I'm always so perfectly calm. Showing emotion in front of a stranger is so alien to my nature that I couldn't do it if my life depended on it. There's definitely a switch in my brain, the trouble is I'm not in control of it. I can't show emotion even when I know I'd get farther by acting upset.

I did until a few weeks/months ago. Then only a few people noticed.

I don't think anyone has noticed it in my save for my wife....I have always been know for being high energy -- but, at work people just think I am a spaz....which is a term I have heard a lot in my life...hahaha

I have been underestimating this aspect of my life. When I worker for a company, structure was in place for me. I did fine except for some segments of hypomania and depression. Later when I worked for myself, there was no structure. This is when my symptoms blossomed and went out of control. I was fired from the last two projects I had as a consultant. What a nightmare that was for me.

PS: It has been my experience that I cannot turn off and on my depression or true hypomania.

I am always able to hide how I am really feeling and put on a mask and go about my life .. Does it suck to do so ? Yeah sure it does .. But I feel no reason to tell loads of people about my struggles at times in regards to my Bipolar .. and would never ever disclose to an employer.

Even my husband that normally is able to see right through my mask has often not been able to pick up on just how bad things at times can get for me.. I just hide it that well .

The only people that know how I am doing for real is my T doc and my two best friends I met here on PC .. We dont Gloss anything over ..Just blunt honest conversation.

I'm mostly able to hold it together at work and in public. When I'm manic my coworkers notice that I'm hyper and comment on it but I keep the really bizarre behavior down. They notice when I'm depressed too but again, I keep it together mostly and blame it on being tired or just having a bad day or the students getting on my nerves. I can't say I act perfectly fine but you know.

I couldn't hide my many long term absences due to hospitalizations though. Apparently last year there was a rumor that I tried to kill myself. That was sweet. Very nice coworkers I have. B!tches. But whatever, they don't bother me to my face so I just ignore them.

I have come to doubt my bp1 dx because of the fact that I can keep the manic behavior under wraps in public...but what's happening in my head is crazy so I guess maybe. And then also I don't suppose the label really matters.

Anyone else always full functioning in public? Absolutely, yes.

I am no longer able to work and spend minimal time in public. It is stressful

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I am same no one thinks I have any issues sadly I take most my anger out on my husband or mom and I tend to lock myself in a room for days than run all over for days and days it's like a YO YO

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Lately my depression has gotten to the point where I do t let people notice it because I try not to interact with anyone. I stay in mostly. My only outings are to therapy, the grocery store or the library. I avoid the dog park when it's busy and just take my dog out to do his business. My husband takes him out got more activity. I know walking him would be good for us both but I lack the energy or motivation. At work I don't interact with anyone since I work a pathetic call center job. I give the callers minimum service and don't talk to anyone on break preferring to keep my nose in a book.

Cat- you need to be easy on yourself. It sounds like you're holding yourself to a standard that would be difficult for anyone to attain.

I have a lot of anger because I am not able to find a job in my social work field. I can't stand this call center job but I have to do something to bring on money. I have contacted a local org to volunteer but they said they'll get back to me. Gee thanks.

People know me as high strung and bubbly.

I am able to fully function in society unless I am psychotic and manic. Then my behavior becomes very bizarre.

I, too, am able to be pretty functional when I am around other people but be a total mess sometimes at my apartment where I live alone. I don't think anyone could live with me, the way I have been the past year or so. It would be miserable for a pet, if I had one, but I don't.

Last December-February were horrible, though people outside of my apartment really didn't know. I went to a therapist and she didn't seem to believe me that things were really going bad for me because I seemed so calm and "OK." But then I didn't tell her my thoughts that I wished I wasn't alive, either--I didn't want to deal with the consequences of telling her.

I met my closest friend a year ago and though I have been very open with her and told her things have been bad for me, I tell her while I am calm and seem to have things together, so I don't think she realizes how bad of a mess I have really been and that I am making it up. Several times I have been manic with her, speaking rapidly, nonstop, and out of control. She just thinks I am passionate and that this is normal for me.

On one hand, I am glad that people don't know how much anguish I have been at times in the past year. On the other hand, the suffering in isolation can get to be overwhelming.

I have started meds and they are helping! And I am grateful for the Bipolar Forum, so I don't feel so unique!

I am really good at hiding my depression and mania. But like playdoh it always seems to squish out at the wrong time with a misplaced comment, an email that is too harsh. Mine comes out a lot as irritability especially while driving. When I'm manic I drive too fast, lane change like crazy and text n drive. I also tend to act out sexually when I'm manic. Luckily I've never been caught by my husband or I'd be up the creek for sure. When I'm depressed, which is 90% of the time, I neglect my self care, dress down and don't talk to people. So I guess I don't hide it public too well. A lot of fake smiling, that's for sure.

Even at my worst I'm fully functional and don't appear to be much different to others.

Most of my symptoms are internal - racing thoughts, the depression. Things such as my energy level will be noticeable, but I can pass it off as being tired or just energetic. I already know how to slow my speech down as I need to do that for students anyway, and my active cleaning and desire for new hobbies are just at home.

Like... people can notice that I'm less social or more social and whatnot... but it's not extreme and I can still do all the things I would normally do (I either just get bored of it or have to reallllly force myself to do it).

I'm fortunate to not experience psychosis - always being able to maintain a grip on reality certainly helps maintain functionality!

A Red Panda your experiences sound like mine. Most of my symptoms I would say are internal as well. I was trying to explain this to my husband last night. The other day I was feeling like everyone at work hated me and I told him that. He just thought it was an off hand comment and told me they didn't (we work at the same place). Last night I told him all of the internal thoughts behind my statement- everyone hates me, why am I even here, no one cares about me etc.... Yet the next day I may go into work and feel like I am so popular. This is exhausting- yet on the outside I am the same even person everyday.