[optimistic_dolphin]

I just started on this new med, for any of you who didn't read my last post
now i am even more suicidal.

i am not sure if it's from the med introduction or school restarting or whatever
i am just...

last night i told more sleeping pills to sleep for as long as possible
is it even considered an attempt?
i wished i would never wake up, but i did

a friend said i don't really want to die, coz if i do then i wouldn't care about school or anything else. so feeling this way is not important huh?...

i feel like chasing my med plus other meds with some alcohol. what am i going to do? school is restarting on mon afternoon. i am seeing my dr on monday too, just right after two afternoon lessons. I don't even feel motivated to go to school. but it will cost big problm later if i don't go for the first (the later ones i also wouldn't want to go)

[Skitz13]

Maybe if you're feeling to unstable now, you can put school off for a bit. I don't know if that's possible.

Glad you're seeing your pdoc on Monday, but how are you going to keep yourself safe in the meantime????

[optimistic_dolphin]

Originally Posted by Skitz13

Maybe if you're feeling to unstable now, you can put school off for a bit. I don't know if that's possible.

Glad you're seeing your pdoc on Monday, but how are you going to keep yourself safe in the meantime????

i have already deferred one sem last year due to ED,
this means i have to defer entire year, (coz I deferred sen 1 and all parts II courses in sem 2 i couldn't take)
i have to complete the uni degree in 6 years, the course itself is 4 years
if i defer some more, i will max out the 6 years

i dun even know if i can't complete it
my dr had always suggest changing major coz this gives me lots of stress
i don't know

i hv no idea how to keep myself safe
every day before i go to bed i pray i will never wake up
everyday i open my eyes i dread the day
I B/P the whole day to keep my mind occupied from thinking of my depression

[HALLIEBETH87]

I can only hope you will do what it takes to be safe. Be kind to yourself <3

[~Christina]

Distract yourself .. Read a book , do you have a hobby? Talk a walk , exercise.. Just distract yourself and stay busy so that at nite , bedtime, you will be tired from being busy all day.

Does you family know how your feeling ?

Stay safe

[optimistic_dolphin]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Distract yourself .. Read a book , do you have a hobby? Talk a walk , exercise.. Just distract yourself and stay busy so that at nite , bedtime, you will be tired from being busy all day.

Does you family know how your feeling ?

Stay safe

i tend to draw lately
but it's so sad sometimes i can't draw what i feel
if you guys are interested, feel free to take a look at my page
i would really appreciate any support
https://www.facebook.com/nellys.craft

my family doesn't know, i don't show them and never tell them...

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by optimistic_dolphin

i tend to draw lately
but it's so sad sometimes i can't draw what i feel
if you guys are interested, feel free to take a look at my page
i would really appreciate any support
https://www.facebook.com/nellys.craft

my family doesn't know, i don't show them and never tell them...

WOW You are very talented Keep that up ! Its a very healthy outlet.
You should really open up to your family about how your feeling, it could really help you.

Stay safe

[optimistic_dolphin]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

WOW You are very talented Keep that up ! Its a very healthy outlet.
You should really open up to your family about how your feeling, it could really help you.

Stay safe

Thanks for your compliment. All those drawings started when I was last admitted inpatient. That was 2-3weeks ago. There's another girl in ward who draws really well, so it spiked back my interest to draw again. I did some after discharge. Right all I can draw is pain and hurt. I don't know other feelings.

Even if my fam knows they can't do much anyway. They would only ask if I need or want to go to A & E. I feel so lonely

[Skitz13]

Wow, you really are talented. I really enjoyed looking at your work.

Hope this finds you safe

[optimistic_dolphin]

a day ago i feel suicidal
now i feel paranoid. plain paranoid without any suicidal thoughts
Someone is stalking me, following me, trying to get info to sell to the important people
i know it

[vjdragonfly]

You have some really good drawings and I think it is ok to draw out your feelings. I'm not a great artist but to me, when I do draw, it creates an outlet, a window to my emotions. I even recommended it to my daughter to draw out her emotions. There is so much you can say in a picture and you have talent. On another note, stop and take note as to what state of mind you are in. Do you feel in control enough that you can ride through this till Monday? If not, as bad as it may sound, keep yourself safe and go to the hospital. Keep us informed on how you are doing.

[optimistic_dolphin]

Originally Posted by vjdragonfly

You have some really good drawings and I think it is ok to draw out your feelings. I'm not a great artist but to me, when I do draw, it creates an outlet, a window to my emotions. I even recommended it to my daughter to draw out her emotions. There is so much you can say in a picture and you have talent. On another note, stop and take note as to what state of mind you are in. Do you feel in control enough that you can ride through this till Monday? If not, as bad as it may sound, keep yourself safe and go to the hospital. Keep us informed on how you are doing.

Hi
thanks for your compliment. Monday has passed and I have seen my dr. I am not sure if i mentioned in this post earlier - I took more sleeping pills than i should be taking one night. I know it won't kill me, but i also know i can sleep longer, or even secretly wish i will never wake up. well, of coz i did. one thing i don't being inpatient is to be ridicule by the nurses. They are gossiping behind each patient and judging them with a normal-person mindset.

i told my dr about the 'overdose' and she made me tell my mum. well, then she asked me what would i do if i am the doctor and a patient is doing that. I said i would use medicine to make the suicidal thought go away. So she adjusted my new med by doubling the dose. 75 to 150mg. But it's an anxiety med. I am bloodly depressed, not anxious. Right now I am still stuck with the suicidal thoughts, always thinking if i wana overdose again. school started and i don't wana deal with lect or tutorial. This makes me all the more suicidal...

Originally Posted by optimistic_dolphin

i tend to draw lately
but it's so sad sometimes i can't draw what i feel
if you guys are interested, feel free to take a look at my page
i would really appreciate any support
https://www.facebook.com/nellys.craft

my family doesn't know, i don't show them and never tell them...

Oh my God, you are SO talented ! Amazing work ! The mum and baby kangaroo drawing was cute

Have you thought about marketing your work ? You could have a mightily successful business !

[Creative1onder]

Originally Posted by optimistic_dolphin

Hi
thanks for your compliment. Monday has passed and I have seen my dr. I am not sure if i mentioned in this post earlier - I took more sleeping pills than i should be taking one night. I know it won't kill me, but i also know i can sleep longer, or even secretly wish i will never wake up. well, of coz i did. one thing i don't being inpatient is to be ridicule by the nurses. They are gossiping behind each patient and judging them with a normal-person mindset.

i told my dr about the 'overdose' and she made me tell my mum. well, then she asked me what would i do if i am the doctor and a patient is doing that. I said i would use medicine to make the suicidal thought go away. So she adjusted my new med by doubling the dose. 75 to 150mg. But it's an anxiety med. I am bloodly depressed, not anxious. Right now I am still stuck with the suicidal thoughts, always thinking if i wana overdose again. school started and i don't wana deal with lect or tutorial. This makes me all the more suicidal...

In my opinion, a lot of professionals lack compassion and care to help people who are in distressing, depressive state feeling suicidal. I went to A&E and staff there told me I don't have medical problem/illness. My condition wasn't taken seriously.. I was not treated well by professionals.

[Love&Toil]

You are a talented artist. Does art help when you're feeling paranoid?

[surfacetoair]

You are quite talented. I enjoyed your work. I withdraw into my art on occasion but artist block is part of the process. Hope you start to feel better and I look forward to seeing more art from you.

[Hopeful Camel]

Art, a shower, a walk - whatever feels right at the moment as a distraction is good. Just keep distracting, nurturing, and calming yourself. You are worth it. If you can remember this little bit during the hard times, you will make it. You have so much to live for. You are so very worth it. Hugs.

[lilypup]

My pdoc told me just yesterday that stress is the number one cause of voices, paranoia, etc.
As cold as this may sound, perhaps uni is not your best bet right now. You might need time to heal before you start up with more stress. I dropped out for a year and went back and got two degrees. No one cared.