[Pughead]

In order to try and identify some triggers for myself, I took a deep look into what goes on when I go from good to bad, or up to down...way down. I tried to identify circumstances, or lack of, when I go into blind rage and get delusional, irrational, and overall feel and act like a different person; even though it's short lived.

Anyway, I told my T some things today that I never thought I would tell anyone. We looked deep into them and it was very difficult. I can't believe what a monster I can be. No matter what meds I take, it never stops....ever.

I just want to be a good husband and father, that's all.

[lenjan]

((((hugs)))) if OK

You're not a monster, you're a human being, with all that that entails -- shortcomings as well as successes. We all have some of each.

It sounds like you are doing painful but healing work with T. I never thought I'd live through it either, but (aside from a quickly-aborted attempt with someone who was a total bad fit because I went back for the wrong reasons) I'm coming up on a year therapy-free, which I never thought I would live long enough to see. The right T can help you bring that about. It's good that you trust yours enough to examine this stuff honestly. It's going to hurt, but ultimately it's going to help. Immensely.

It takes courage to do what you're doing and I applaud you. Give yourself some credit for that, at least!

Candy

[psychoalisisedeed]

G'day Pughead!

I agree with what Candybear has said.

I applaud your ability to dig deep and be honest enough to delve into the "pain" so to speak.

It is amazing what courage it takes to dig that deep and to be able to talk to someone about it.
It will take time and emotions will roll around in different directions for a while but, don't give up. Let them out. It is so worth it in the end...the freedom within, taking a load off, so to speak, then you can really focus on living life the way you want.

Stay true, take care, you are inspirational and you may not even realise that yet.

[astan]

Hey there,

I must say that your accomplishment in therapy is a very admirable one as I personally had to do it under tough circumstances (group therapy with 15 people instead of 1-on-1) and I now cannot get my mom to do the same. She just slides through therapy and tries to avoid any pain, which is getting her nowhere and leaving me with the same problematic parent week after week of therapy. It's hard for adults to get deep with a therapist like that, so pat yourself on the back for being one of the few who are brave enough to do it, because if there is one thing that proves one to be a brave and tough man, it's a rough therapy session.