New struggling Bipolar

Hello, I am a single 43-yr-old mother of a 7-yr-old son. I have suffered from depression all my life. I am a survivor of child and domestic abuse. I began treatment for depression in 1994, but wasn't properly diagnosed as bipolar until 2003. My "official" dx is: bipolar with major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder with panic attacks........how's that for a mouthful!!!

I have come here to look for others who can relate to the things that I feel and that go through my mind. I need someone to understand how I feel. My Mom tries, but the rest of my family isn't interested. I only have 1 close friend and even she doesn't understand the depth of my problems/illness.

Welcome, I, too, was treated for unipolar depression for most of my life & it wasn't working. Saw a new doc about 6 years ago (I'm 52) & was dxed as bp 1. My mother was bp so that should have been a clue. I'm doing much better after an awful year of finding the right meds--so many side effects. Now pretty happy in life, though I did have a relapse last Aug. & ODed. Still trying to get over that. I shocked myself. I had been stable for about 5 years! Anyway, welcome & hope you have good results on your meds.--Suzy

Welcome to these boards!
I am 44, married no kids 2 cats. Bipolar 1 diagnosis since 1994, latest meds are lamictal, ambien and geodon for this latest round of mania.
There is a lot of information here and lots of support as well.
(((HUGS)))
bizi

Bizi

Thanks for the reply. I have been on Geodon for over a year and just love it. Before Geodon, I was in bed 24/7, wouldn't answer my phone or the door, wouldn't return phone calls to my family. They would call just to see if I was still alive. Sometimes it would be over a week before I would finally call them. After Geodon, I was able to get out of bed, answer the phone, door, return phone calls, and get out and socialize with my family. My family went to my doctor's office and personally thanked him for putting me on it!!

I have just 2 days ago been placed on Lamictal, because I am still having problems controlling my ups and downs. I am very curious as to how it is going to work for me. How has it worked for you and how long have you been on it? How long were you on it before you could feel it working? I am being started on 25mg every other day because I am also on Tegretol, which enhances the effects of the Lamictal. My doctor told me that I would have to slowly work myself up to 100,200, or 300mg a day, (I don't remember which) but it was in the 100's. I am not looking forward to having to wait a long time to see it start working.

I also take Ambien CR, when my doctor has the samples. I don't have the money to buy them as I'm not able to work.

Thanks for your info. It's good to know that I'm not the only 40+ year-old on these boards! I hate feeling that I'm all alone in this life.

Have a good day!

I tried Geodon & couldn't stay awake on it. I fell asleep while driving! I'm glad it is working for you. I take Abilify, Lamictal (300 mg), Concerta, Provigil. klonopin & Trazodone. It took about a year to get the right meds for me. I think the Lamictal has been very helpful, esp. for depression. Take care.--Suzy

Suzy,

Sorry that the Geodon didn't work for you. I used to take Trazadone to help with depression and to help me sleep. It worked for awhile, years, then just didn't cut it anymore. So my doctor switched me to Ambien CR or Lunesta, whichever one they have samples for.

Wow....300mg of Lamictal! How long did it take to get you up to that dosage? I'm starting at 25mg every other day for 2 weeks, then 25mg every day for probably 2 weeks then up again....at least that's the impression I got from my pdoc.

I also take Xanax 1mg three times a day. My regular doctor wants me to switch over to Klonopin, but I'm afraid to switch eventhough Xanax isn't working as great as it used to. How has Klonopin worked for you?

Thanks for the reply!!

klonipin last longer in your system so has a more stedy effect and can be dosed twice a day I would also like you to try to cut back to .5mg if you can get buy with the smallest dose possibly. easy to get addicted to these benzos /They are meant to be taken for 3-4 weeks but many people end up taking them for years and go through withdrawls trying to get off them.

Good luck in all that you do.
(((HUGS)))
bizi

It sounds like you and your pdoc are adjusting your meds right now. Lamictal is a med that one ramps up very slowly due to potential side effects. If you don't know about that please talk to your pdoc about that.

If you are reciving meds from two different docs do they both know what the other is prescribing? If not, I would suggest letting them know as sometimes they effect how other meds work when taken in conjunction.

I hope you find the right combination and try to be patient with the progress. I know it is so hard as it takes so long. Take care.

Sorry to hear about your long journey. Unfortunately, that's typical...mine was 10 years. Now I take lithium, Lamictal and Seroquel, which is working very well.

If I'm not mistaken, the therapeutic range for Lamictal is between 200 - 400 mg/day. I take 200, I imagine your pdoc would try that dosage first. Lamictal, despite it's reputation, has a pretty benign side effect profile. What people worry about is that it can cause a potentially fatal condition called Stevens-Johnson syndrome, I believe, which is a really bad rash on your face and chest along with a fever. People freak out about it, but it is extremely rare. Many doctors will have you stop taking it at the first sign of a rash, which is safest but probbably not necessary. The incidence of these side effects is much lower with a very slow "ramp-up" of dosage, so that's why they do it that way.

Lamictal is shown in blind test to not only help in stabilizing mood, but also helping with bipolar depression, so it's often the first choice in a situation like you describe. I've been taking it for about three years now, it has been a vital part of my "cocktail".

I hope things go well for you... it's such a relief when you manage to stay even for a good long while!

DJ

Bipolar bear: Thanks for your reply. I was only seeing my internist while I was waiting to be admitted to the local MHMR center. Now all my meds, with the exception of the benzo. will come from the pdoc at MHMR. Thank you for your concern.

Being patient for a med to work when I need it to work NOW, is so hard to do!!!

DJ, thanks for your reply. Sounds like you have had a long journey too.

I'm glad to hear that Lamictal's side effects are pretty much no big deal. I'm just having a hard time being patient for my 25mg dose every other day, to get up to where it really needs to be. I am really hoping that it will help me with my depression. Eventhough I'm having trouble with some manic episodes, the depression bothers me the most. I have responsibilities that I can't take care of when I'm depressed.

I hope things continue to go well for you too!

Thanks jkeys...

Your doc is really bringing you up slowly on your Lamictal. Still, this can make the difference on whether or not you'll be able to tolerate it, so it's good in the long run. Lamictal not only helps with bipolar depression, but also helps to control mania. Handy! Seroquel is also approved for both now, too.

Please remember that while drugs can work wonders, they are not the best treatments for bipolar. The best tools in the toolbox are the fundamental practices of good health...good nutrition, plenty of rest (eight hours at NIGHT), and daily excercise. The last is important not just because it will help your mood (nothing better!), but also many of the drugs we take for bp can encourage significant weight gain. I know it's hard when you're depressed...if you can't do them now, work on one at a time, save the big one for when you start feeling a little better. Getting on top of this is very much a game of making as much progress when you can, because sooner or later will come a period when it seems to fall apart---but at least you're a little farther up the road.

Be patient and do what you can to make a little progress each day. Tomorrow at lunch, take a fifteen minute walk. Increase your time a little each day, and pretty soon you're there! Little steps at first. I know it seems slow, but they will add up to feeling better sooner than you think!

DJ

HI there again,
Davey is right about learning to take care of your self.
This is very important especially with your history of DV and abuse.
Hopefully you have a therapist to help you deal with all of these stressors in your life and can help you to learn good coping skills.
My dose of lamictal is 200mg and this works well for me...
the xanax will not help your depression in my opinion...
sorry if that sounds bad...are you having panic attacks?
I kow that when I am coming down off mania then I get really anxious. It gets better and I have learned how to just tell myslef that these anxious feelings will go away with time...
for me they have.
How was your weekend?
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Thanks DJ and bizi: Yes, I agree with both of you that proper nutrition, exercise and sleep are vital!

On 1-11-07 I started a "diet", the 6-week Body Makeover. It's shows you how to eat good and eat 6 little meals throughout the day. It also encourages exercise. Over the course of about 8 weeks, I lost about 10 pounds. I weigh about 212 and am 5'6" tall. I need to lose weight for my health. I was feeling alot better because I was eating good food. No junk, food, salt, or sweets. Plenty of protein, carbs, fruits, and veggies. I also joined a gym and went faithfully for about 1 1/2 weeks. But trying to do all of that at the same time because overwhelming, so I haven't eaten right or exercised in about the last 2 weeks.

As I have a 7-year-old, we both go to bed by 9pm and get up by 7am. I usually get plenty of sleep. I have the problem of staying OUT of bed. I get so depressed or anxious or overwhelmed at everything I need to do in a day, I just go back to bed and sleep. Saturday night, I was stupid and stayed up until 4am playing with my computer. Then was up by 8am. I felt horrible all day long!!

I'm hoping to get back to the gym this week and at least walk on their treadmill for at least 30-45 minutes a day. Then slowly work back up to doing some of their classes. Plus I'm going to slowly work back onto my eating plan. I just can't jump into both of them at the same time.

Bizi, I know benzo are not good and can be addicting, but I have severe panic attacks. Sometimes they come from nowhere and sometimes I get so anxious and can't stop the anxiety that I panic.

At this time, I do not have a therapist and haven't had one in years. I haven't been able to work, so haven't been able to afford one. Just last week though, I was admitted to the center for MHMR and they have a list of several that will either see me for free or a nominal $5.00 per visit. Some of these are college students, which I'm not crazy about trusting a child to my mental health. But MHMR says that their professor is right there. I'm planning on checking them out some time this month.

Thanks for all of your concern and replies. It helps me to not feel that I'm alone. I appreciate it very much!!!

I think Xanax is OK...I took it as needed, it took me nearly a year to go through a bottle of 90 .5mg. I saved it for my worst anxiety episodes. Does the trick, works fast and then the tension isn't there to feed my bp. Perfect!

Bottom line, if a drug works and doesn't hurt you, it's a good drug for you.

DJ

I'm 42 and had a "child" (late 20s) therapist at a university-run clinic who was working on his doctorate in clinical psych. He was the best thing that ever happened to me. The T's I've had who were in their 50s have been the worst....for whatever that's worth. I'd encourage an open mind.

CB

I had been on 200 mg of Lamictal for about 5 years. I think I increased the dosage every week until I got to that level. I was just increased to the 300 mg due to my having an OD last Aug. I had been hypo manic & then suddenly switched into a deep depression. I think it took about a month to increase the 100 mg.

I was on Xanax at night to help me sleep, but since the OD my pdoc has changed me to klonopin & Trazodone at night. She told me the Trazodone was an old anti-depressant that causes sleepiness so it is used often to help with sleep & that the anti-depressant properties might help me. Both of them seem to be doing fine, as far as sleep, but I'm still having some breakthrough depressions so she has increased the Abilify for just a week to see if that will maybe get me out of this crying mode.

It is a long process to find the best results with medications. I wouldn't be afraid of klonopin. I just take it at night. I was on Xanax for about 15 years before I switched to the klonopin., I had no trouble switching--just quit the Xanax & added the klonopin. Take care,--Suzy

DJ and bizi.....since you've commented on Xanax.....my question is: If Xanax is helping me to control my anxiety and panic attacks....then what difference does it make if I get addicted to it? I'm not trying to be ugly or stupid. I just want to know your opinions.......thanks!

Candybear: Thank you for your reply. I really think I'm going to check into it. There is a lady at my gym that's about 39 who has a younger therapist and really likes her.

Suzy: As soon as I run out of the Xanax, I think I'm going to ask my doc to go ahead and switch me to Klonopin as it is longer lasting. Glad to know that you were able to switch without any problems.

I used to take Trazodone. I took it for many years. It used to help me sleep at night, but after so many years, it seemed to quit working. I was up to 200mg a night.

Sorry that you are having problems with depression. I hope that the increased Abilify will do the trick for you! It does seem to take awhile to find the right combination doesn't it. Thanks for your comment. I hope things will be looking up for you again real soon!!!

WEll there is a great deal of controversy around the use of benzos, tranqilizers.
like you some people need them to servive panic attacks.
there is no disputing this for you.
I too would reccommend the cross over to klonipin asap. don't wait to cross over. xanax is fast short acting. meaning it gets out of your system qickly but also means that the good side effects leave as well.and this may lead to chemical dependance and tolerance meaning you end up taking more to get the same effect. over time this can lead to rebound anxiety what you were trying to treat in the first place.
Again I am just warning you that some people have a very difficult time stopping them. some people not all.
Drug addiction is a terrible way of life...taking medications the way prescribe is not drug addiction.
YOu are wise to ask these questions.
bizi

Bizi: Thanks for your reply. I only take my Xanax exactly as directed. I take 1 in the morning and 2 at night. If I have an anxiety or panic attack during the day that I can't control, I will take 1 of the 2 I take at night, then will only have 1 left at night. I am scared to death of accidently od'ing.

I'm supposed to see my doc next week. I'll ask to go ahead and switch to the Klonopin. Thanks again for all of your advice. I really do appreciate it!!!

Thanks for your good wishes in regards to my depression. I'm confident I will feel better. I have been in worse depressions & have made tremendous improvements on meds. Take care & let us know how you are doing.--Suzy

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Hi,

Check out my bio. I am new too. What is your current med regime? How are you doing? Stable at present?

Polarbear

Polarbear: I just got through spending 45 minutes on my bio, went to the chat room to see who was on. Came back and all the info I had typed had disappeared!!! GRRR!!!

My meds should appear in my signature, if I entered them correctly. I am as stable at present as I have been in the past. But I don't feel good.

I can go from extremely irritated to very happy in 2.0 seconds flat!! In one day, I go through a whole spectrum of emotions! I just don't know how to deal with them. I am currently having problems with wanting to go spend money that I don't have. There's something about acquiring THINGS that gives me a sense of pleasure. I don't understand it. But I just HAVE to buy stuff. It seems that I spend the majority of the day anxious, near panic attack level or aggitated with depression ongoing.

My pdoc just started me on Lamictal, 25mg every other day for 2 weeks. I see her again on the 15th to start the Lamictal every day and continue to up it from there. I'm having trouble telling myself to be patient as she slowly works me up to a therapeutic dose. I'm hoping that it will help bring the manic feelings down and the depressed feelings up. I have heard good things about Lamictal on PC. I also need to go ahead and get my doc to switch me from Xanax to Klonopin. I have heard that it will be a better, longer lasting treatment for my anxiety. I need to call him today!!

How are things going for you??? Sure hope all is well!! I am off to read your bio.