and the fun doesn't stop

So we tried to enroll my son in to school only to be told he's be held back two years. So yeah, no thanks we'll continue homeschooling. We didn't want him to go for the education just to learn the culture as it's so different then WV and make a few friends. We we're hoping to be able to get settled, both physically and mentally. I was hoping my husband and I would have time to fix the horrible "semi-delusional" mess I made this summer as well as maybe do partial hospitalization. Yes those words did come out of my mouth.

He's becoming more/less easier to handle. He's grown up to be very polite and good natures but he's taller then me and his mood disorder is going to get worse as he gets older. I just learned his best friend, a kid that was at my house day and night, developed paranoid schizophrenia over the summer. I'm trying to help his mom through it best I can. So it kinda sucks that I know puberty is hitting and we are not prepared. Not that anyone's prepared but we had a trusted team to help us through all this crazy extra crap.

We changed everything so his doctors appointments wouldn't interfere with school. We had decided it's best the school not know of most of his health issues. So now our intakes that should have happened a month or so ago doesn't take place until the 23rd, 28th, and 30th. Since we didn't want the psych stuff to interfere with school the "new-new-new place" is a close proximity to our home which takes a lot of the privacy away.

I was looking forward to the few hours a day to collect/repair myself. Having him meet others that he wouldn't otherwise, get to know the hang out area's, bad area's just general teen-ish stuff. They've already kicked him out of the teen area at the library for not being 13. So that doesn't help. This was a new start for him and us and it's being ruined.

I don't know how to fix it. I don't know how to rebuild my once happily ever after marriage especially with our son around. I still have no one I trust, I'm still sick as are they. This move has been the move from hell, it's not letting up. I know I need help to deal with... EVERYTHING.... If not for the fact I know I wouldn't servive another winter I'd think this was the worst decision of my life but they need me and we all needed a new start.

Any Idea's on how to fix this mess that I can't even word? This would be so much better /easier if I had trust in my husband. The worse part is he should have the residual effects not me. I was the one that went crazy. I'm scared that this can't be fixed and I'll never trust anyone again.

Ummm why would he be held back??

Because we moved states and our portfolio review had been lost. So age wise they wanted him in 6th, He's 12.5 and had no review so "they couldn't pass him to 7th". Completely ignoring the fact his first superintendent had him start 1st at 5. Therefore putting him in 8th grade this year. They refused to test him and by the time the final decision of 6th grade came in we're just to tired to fight. We could take it to the school board but I really don't feel like fighting. A kid that's studying for his ACTs shouldn't be sitting in a 6th grade class at 12 because they don't feel like testing him. 12 in 6th grade is already a year behind in most schools. Whatever, we homeschool this year and I guess fight the high school next year.

My apologies if I have said anything out of turn, but this is one subject where I have learned as a parent and a husband big time. I still have not recovered my health from when my son had to go back to his mum, and I am still in the process of rebuilding my relationship with my wife. My son has moved on and has his own life to lead now with his mum, and on into the future (he's 18 now). But my future lay with my wife, both now and into the future. That is something I forgot while trying to protect my son, with all the best of intentions.......

I wish you all the best in what must be a truly difficult time.

He was kind and polite, was completely trustworthy (you could leave a million dollars in the house and know he wouldnt't touch it) and overall was a quiet person. However, he absolutely had to fight about everything. If it was cleaning up his room it was a fight, if it was washing the dishes it was a fight, if it was brushing his teeth it was a fight, every little thing turned into a fight. Not because he didn't necessarily want to comply, he just needed to voice his opinion and let us know what he thought. He also absolutely had to know everything, what why and when. You just described my son to a T.

had him go to the library to do his homeschooling. We're are thinking about this option but he's 12 and without any friend's around in a new area Having him go there for an extended amount of time doesn't seem like the best Idea. Probably when he gets a bike and knows the area but that will be in January.

Additional stress, especially during his teenage and pubescent (aspies develop late) years I worry about this but have no idea where to turn to.


I was trying to protect him which is what every parent tries to do for their kids. I don't think this is a protection thing as I'm a "you'll only put your hand on the hot stove once." parent.

fixing your relationship with your husband has to be your absolute first priority. I don't know if it can be fixed. It broke on my end due to unjust paranoia and the miss trust on my end of him looking out for my best interest when needed. I can't trust him when I'm not thinking properly which took a huge hit to our relationship. Before last spring no matter what type of "issues" I was having I felt he was on my side and since that changed things don't seem as okay.

even if it comes at the cost of your son having to be held back a year or two I don't know if it's an either or type of situation.

Thank-you for your candidness.
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Also reading through my posts I haven't been well for long in almost a year. A lot of it doesn't seem mood related. Sorry I've been so stubborn and thank-you for your infinite patience with me. Please keep telling me when I'm off. I'm going to bring posts to my intake.

Ok I get that the school is all weird about where to place a home schooled student and rightfully so, many really are not be educated at home for a variety of reason...

So here's my thoughts..... Why not fight the school ? Your spinning in a bunch of circles... at least fighting them would allow you to focus on something and it's an important thing. You son really does need friends and he wont find many staying at home and the best place for him to find them is at school.

Why are you assuming his mood disorder is going to get worse? No one has a crystal ball???

As far as you going PHP Im thrilled that your open to that .. But you can do that while your fighting the school deal.. You can handle this .

I know your whole summer and this move has knocked you left and right. Whether your husband helps or not your "Mom" and things need to be taken care of..

This is a new start for you all ... Focus and just knock off problems one at a time even if you have to do every damn thing yourself, at least you know it will all be done right

Be like a Dog with a bone and "make" your new life down there a good thing.

why not fight the school?

We had been fighting for at least two weeks. They refuse to test him to see what level he is at or put him in his proper grade. If your going to hold a kid back even if it's a year you should probably have a good reason and an even better reason if it's two years. It's just to frustrating and once he's actually in the school it'll be that much harder to get him put in the proper grade. Then there's going to be the unexcused absences if the pdoc or therapist can't see him outside school hours. I would not tell them he is seeing a pdoc or therapist so I wouldn't be able to bring dr's notes.

So we registered him as a home-schooler and put him in his proper grade. He was only going to go there for a year full time. Then we were going to take him out so that he could be part time and do three electives a year in high school. We talked to some of his virtual school teachers and with the state tests, fl. certified teachers grades, and the AP test grades we shouldn't have this problem next year because he's kinda in "real" school. So right now he's in algebra 1, English 1, AP human geography, AP bio, Spanish 1, and Guitar 1.

I think it help that I woke up to the wonderful sound of "not knowing how to play guitar but really trying" Then a little while later a knock asking how to get into his algebra course. He was shy talking to his teacher that he'll talk to once a week unless he needs extra help.

He's found a couple of kids here. I swear kids don't attend school here. They're teaching him how to use his " ripstik . Some thing that he hasn't touched since he got it for Christmas last year. He actually came in with road burn to clean up and go back out. I know that doesn't sound like something to be proud of but for a kid that doesn't want to use a knife because they're sharp it's a huge deal.

There's a lego class for kids his age and a gym class on Wednesdays that we're going to try. He's not going to be going back to karate because of expense but I found a place that the kids 10-14 pay $7 for pizza and soda and hang out from 6-11 on Fridays. Plus he's going to need swimming lessons.
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I'm still trying to figure out how to stabilize, the AP is helping but I'm gaining massive weight, which in it's self stresses me. I'm a lot less panic, it's the end of the world about things more just really aggravated. I'm not sleeping without it so whatever. I'm going to be as honest as I can on Tuesday and take their and PC's advice. I just wish I could trust my husband's advice too. It's always the more sane I seem to get the more ****ed up I realize I am. I wish my issues were BP related but I'm thinking they SZA-BP type or BPD. I'm so tired, why am I always the one that has to fix things? I know this is all coming to an end but I'm going to crash. I should have been/be better at least for them.

I have no idea what to do with now realizing my husband isn't excluded from my crazy. He's always been viewed as on my side even in the worst of times. He was always my safety even from myself. When I can't understand English I looked to him because even if I couldn't understand him he'd keep me safe until English returned to me. He was my reality check and now that's all gone and I don't know how to get that back. I want that trust in him back. Then again how long will it be until Miguel is part of my longer less sane thoughts. I'd never rely on him like I do/did his father but your mom being scared of you I'm sure puts a damper on the relationship

My old therapist no longer works at my old center so I have no idea what's going to happen because she was suppose to send a letter that I need my dog around for stabilization.

Why are you assuming his mood disorder is going to get worse? No one has a crystal ball??? I'm watching his best friend slip away into paranoid schizophrenia. He never catches a break. Genetically he's screwed and environmentally probably too. I know we've taught him a lot about caring for his health both physically and mentally and the kids matured tenfold over the summer but all honesty he has a mother that may or may not be in reality whenever he talks to her and a father that as much as he trys can't take on both roles. Maybe I look more put together to them than I think? I know I do to drs, therapists and strangers. I look more put together then most without MI. I know both mine and his father's issues really emerged around 13-14ish.

Your going through so much right now... Please be open and honest when you see your Pdoc and T ... I really do think a PHP would really help you stabilize...

I hope that you and your husband are able to come back together and able to lean on eachother... You really need someone in your corner

you made me cry Christina and I have no Idea why.

Awwwwwww

I think you are not aware of the big elephant in the room, which is your child's ability to function in a school setting. My daughters high school tested her and placed her in classes based on the results. And IMO online courses in many ways are not the same as the education that one would receive in a competent school. Then there is shopping for another school to consider.

I have made my daughters schooling a number one priority. She is now in one of the top three schools in the city. And yes, it is a public school. She is functioning there better than any other school she has attended. Their courses are advanced. This is causing her deficiencies to show up in her ability to handle some of her classes. This is a good thing. I am now working with her on these subjects. Between me and school, she is receiving the best possible education that is available to her.

Just food for thought.

Tucson- my son has been home schooled up until this year. It is a valid option in my opinion. He was suppose to go full time this year so that he could experience the new culture, make friend's, learn about the classes offered so in high-school he could take the classes he liked or he had with his friends. Again they refuse to test him. While I got this mess I call life cleaned up. He had been in weekly classes of over 20 kids his age, karate and other similar things before we moved. I didn't plan to have to get everything in order this year as far as his schooling goes. Especially how this mess has unfolded. I'm lucky that his father seems healthy right now. Though from the outside I'm just a little scattered. It hit my husband out of nowhere when we had the conversation of whether hospitalization was in my best interest.

The "school setting" is nothing like life or work and don't feel it's a requirement for a happy / healthy life. He will be home schooled for high school. However he will get to pick three classes of his choice to take I just wanted him to try all the classes. what if his favorite class was SS. He'll be going to the high school campus and the college campus when he his tenth grade. He is required to go to his zone school. which means zoned school for the rest of this year and looking for a charter school that will accept him. As soon as he steps foot into the zoned school he will be let back two years. Which is NOT okay. We both have chosen as most good parents to put our child's education first but we each believe in a different way to go about it. I will help him, as will his father, aunts, therapist, doctor's and teacher's to grow up happy and healthy as he can. I will not allow school politics to interfere with his growth in any way.

I am so sorry you're going through all of this. I can't know, of course, the intensity of your struggles with the school situation, but I can say this: I was 12 years old in the 6th grade and it wasn't because I was held back. And, I was/am fairly intelligent. I was pulled out of school after 8th grade by a messed up family and did not go to high school. I taught myself through a correspondence course and got my diploma that way without any help, but I missed out big time not having that socialization.

I'm just sharing that as a way to say please don't discount school just because of the grade issue. Maybe your son's progress in school will have them rethink his grade placement. If not, it's much better for him to be in a lower grade than too high. My nephew was the youngest in his grade and he was just not emotionally mature enough, and he was always getting into trouble and doing poorly as a result.

I'm glad to hear you're considering partial hospitalization. Sometimes, when I see that my life is turning into a mess, I try to do at least one thing I would normally say no to, because that's often enough to break the downward spiral.

Sorry. I hope I did not upset you, Miguelsmom. I think under the circumstances, you are handling this fine.

Licketysplit- he will be going to high school part time next year. Basically he'll take three electives and taking general ed at home 9th. Then on community college general ed 10th-12th. He gets all the fun stuff from high school, all the home school activities, and the proper education from college. Plus a 2 yr degree when he graduates. It just sucks this year didn't work out. Kindergarten was elective so when meeting him the superintendent put him in 1st but because of moving around and not having his portfolio. They wanted him in 6th. Which not only cause brain rot but is completely unfair to him as he has done the work and more. I think I'd be more okay with putting him in 7 th if I didn't know it was an F rated school with 30% on level by end of 8th. Then seeing a crap load of cops there leading at least 3 kids in cuffs because someone got jumped. Don't get me wrong I'm glad fighting is taken seriously but I have no idea why there was such a force. I don't have a problem with the rating and kids getting jumped. It happens but the whole because he's homeshooled he'd have to be there for three years because they have a negative opinion of Homeschooling. Graduating at 17 isn't a bad thing.

Tuscon - you didn't offered me. I just think I'm not explaining the plan properly. We also had decided not to inform them of his health issues or ask for advanced classes so that he could get the experience that most kids have. Which on reflection would have caused truincy issues but I still stand behind not informing them. I thought this would only be an issue if we requested advanced classes.

No more seroquil for me. I'm holding back turning my head to the left but its like holding back a yawn.

Why not stay on it until you get all set up with your treatment team? Its not too long until your appointment ,right ?

I don't want it to become permanent. My intake is the 23. No idea when I'll meet the pdoc or t.

Thanks for the explanation, MM. I'm sorry things are so hard right now.

Taking it for a few more weeks isn't going to make it permanent

Do you think things can go that bad within the week? I really don't need it to be permanent. I really don't need this crap right now.

How can things get worse? The AP is probably what is helping hold you together right now, Why stop right now? I mean really .. Theres no logic in stopping it now over a fear that may never happen.

I'm scared of Tardive dyskinesia.

That is a valid fear but it is a potential. What is certain is that without your meds, things tank pretty quickly, right??

What is certain is that without your meds, things tank pretty quickly, right?? But tanking is temporary when the other can be permanent. This is BS. It sucks! I stopped getting the tiredness and personality stealing side effects to leave and this shows up. Maybe halving it is an option?