Dumb choices and behaviors

i wonder if I am the only one that makes dumb choices knowing I am doing. Was feeling okay today, somewhat numb but better then I am now. Was looking through site here and seen the borderline personality test. Thought about it and decided to take it. I knew it was dumb, but did it any how. Now feel like piece of ----. Depressed and mind going all over. I knew what it was going to say, but damn. Is it not bad enough to have bp. Do I really need both? Been kind of suppressing the notion of BPD since pdoc dx with a few years back. Now I am wondering what I did to deserve this crap. I try to be good person, try help others, never did anything to hurt others, it just does not seem fair. I know the genetic, bio, blah, blah, blah crap. Does not help me accept. I been going through mood changes at least five or more times a day. How can this be? Sorry rattling. So depressed and my fault, I know it!

I would not place much value on online psychological tests. Even if BPD applies to you, none of this is your fault. All you can do is live your life the best way you know how. I have done some terrible things to people. I did not understand how I could be like that. I still feel guilty. But the dx of BP helped me understand myself.

Most importantly, do take care of yourself, both physically, and especially, you rmental well being. Do not let your past behaviors take away your value as a person.

It's not your fault. Your just trying to figure out what's wrong and if it's more than "just" BP. Even if you have BPD I'd avoid having it put into your file as it's hard to find help once it's there. there is still a huge stigma even with professionals. See if you can get into a DBT or Schema group and see if that helps. I've been avoiding the BPD and SZA dx for years. I hope you feel better soon.

Don't think much of the online testing .. I took that test and got a severe result... The thing is Bipolar people seem to have a few traits of bpd .. Don't sweat it.. Your in a bad spot right now.. But it is going to get better. You are going to cycle out of it, It always cycles.

Try to find things to distract yourself with... a movie, a book, puzzle,loads of online silly games, puzzels, or any mindless type activity, and of course keep posting here

Thanks for the support. Unfortunately been dx with BPD years ago. Have been hiding it. Appreciate your comments. Needed the support was in bad place

I also have bp and BPD. It really does suck but I am just starting to accept that I have both. Fortunately I have great mental health providers. We are constantly twee king medications. I have a therapist that does not give in to me when I want to avoid subjects. I am determined to end up in a better place than I have been in this year.

*Waves my hand hello*

I've been diagnosed bp and only got an official diagnosis of concurring bp and bpd around a month back.

Feels like a bit of a double whammy.

But at least I'm booked in to see a new T who is going to start DBT with me soon. I look at it as well finally a complete answer and now I can get the help I need.

I try stay away from negative articles on bpd. It can be a hard diagnosis to accept because of the stigma attached to it but by the same token I'm pretty sure just bp alone carries some stereotypical stigma of what it's not.

Ah, Curious, we all make dumb choices. I know I have-- in my hypomanic state I've quit jobs, spent irresponsibly, and seriously messed up some relationships.
There's one thing I hope you can quit doing. It may or may not lead toward acceptance, but it's worthwhile anyway. Stop blaming yourself. That's your illness talking. You are not responsible for having the illness, or for the things it has caused you to do. You are responsible for learning to manage it, and that process begins with an end to self-blame and the achievement of acceptance.

Thanks for the follow up. Appreciate them more then you all can realize. although I am struggling with acceptance I like to think I am learning each day more about how to manage. Some days are worse then others. You all are the best!