Really Tired... (trigger warning)

I am really tired of pretending, of fighting, of holding on. of staying strong. I want to give up. I planned to overdose on Monday which was my b'day. 6 years into these illness I have not gotten better. I can't cope with life. But 4 days later it's my dad's b'day. So I have to put it off till then.

I feel so unwanted, useless and unworthy. My b'day gone without much celebration or cake or gifts. It's ok. It'd be a waste of money if I died before I can use the gift. I just want to gone from this world. I don't see my purpose in life.

Hello Optimistic Dolphin: Your post sounds so desperate. I do hope, somewhere, you can find the strength to persevere. It certainly is not easy when you feel so completely drained.

Sometimes we just lose our ability to keep fighting. During these times we have to let someone else, or someplace, take the helm for a while, until we're strong enough to chart our own course again. Please reach out, if you can, & see if you can find a friend, a relative, or some type of mental health services provider who can buoy you during this difficult time.

You may not be able to see it at the moment, but you are wanted, useful, & worthy... and your loss will constitute a great tragedy from which those left behind will not recover...

I can't stress enough to keep pushing forward. Eventually things get easier. 8 hers I have been dealing with the illness and even in the worst times when reality seems farfetched, we find a way to move on.

I was where you are now, 3 weeks ago. I felt desperation, and that I was a failure at everything I had attempted. I had to remind myself that it was a permanent solution to temporary problems.

I'm still not feeling all better, but at least I can see light.

Also, I don't know how current your med list in your profile here, but Ativan at 2mg gave me suicidal idealations. My pdoc took me off that and put me on something else.

Hang in there!

I've been there and know how you're feeling.

Easier said than done when people say hang in there.

We're saying that because we know that what you are feeling right this very moment does not mean that it wil be an eternal feeling that you will have for the rest of your natural life.

Don't think about the big picture right now. Don't dwell on the past. Stop thinking about your future. Only focus on being in the present noise. Drown out the negative talk. Stop and say no when they pop into your head. Say to yourself I'm only going to think about right now. Your future is overwhelming you. But you really don't know what it holds and nor do I so don't use your precious energy thinking about it, because it's hindering and not enabling you.

When do you see your mental health professional again?

Be safe.

Please don't give up! Your life matters. I know words don't have much meaning when very unwell. You really need to be assessed by a health professional ASAP so the path forward can be worked out. Please keep seeking help.

the list is current and up-dated. She has already reduced pregabalin 2 weeks ago to reduce such ideations. it was better for a while but it got worse again.

Coming Monday. I don't even feel like I would bother seeing her.
all that's in my mind is overdose... Meanwhile I am seeing school counsellor who is a CP. But she isn't helping