[43camt]

I was first diagnosed with bp in september. But i had it over the summer, i know i did. Prior to that, i dont really recall having symptoms.

I want to cry right now.

I have out my girlfriend through hell. Weve been long distance since may, and the summer was terrible. Wed skype almost every night, and my bp (which i wasnt sure i had) made me argumentative, impatient, snappy, and boy did i say a LOT of things i didnt mean to my girlfriend.

I just hope she hasnt fallen out of love with me. Weve been dsting ovrr a year now.

Last night i had a ridicukous thought that she was using me and didnt really have deep feelings for me. I brought this up to her, like an idiot, and it almost was the last straw ffor her. We spoke on the phone for an hour, i apologized and nearly cried for my stupidity, but i promised i was working on myself, trying to get better, and that when i get back for a job, and to be with her, things will be different.

She doesnt know i have bp. She knows i am taking meds, for my "moodiness"

Im just really upset right now, thinking thst maybe i have f'ed up one too many times in this relationship. I really hope shes going to stick with me...

Weve really been through a lot together, but mostly bad over the last four months, mostly my fault.

I feel like im going to hyperventilatw right now.

[Creatre]

I've gone through the same thing in my relationship. Meds and a therapist are helping me a bunch, and the past few weeks my relationship has never been better. Just stay positive as much as you can, you'll make it through this.

[43camt]

Just got off the phone with her. Its going to be okay. I told her im going to be s, arter thinking before i act, and thinking about what im going to say before i say it.

Im glad my girkfriend cares for me so much. Some people arent strong enough to stick with somebody after all this, but she sees the great potential of our relationship.

Im going to try and have a good day, nothing on the agenda accept my T at 3. No more tears.

Going to read, play a little xbox, and study CPA

If she wasn't long distance, I would hope you'd both go into couples counseling. I mean, I feel for you because I know what it's like to be in an agitated state and go off on someone I care about, but I also care that she doesn't get used to being talked to like that or think that's what love is about. I say that, hoping you know I'm pulling for you. I just also feel for her, too.

[43camt]

We recently met a psychologist for lunch I move back soon and I'm going to pursue maybe more lunches with him, or even maybe actual sessions for us.

[ozzy1313]

It might help if you told her about your bp. I also feel bad for what I put my husband through.

[43camt]

If I tell her it won't be over the phone. Maybe I'll tell her but not right now. It's too new. I just found out myself last month.

[Pikku Myy]

Yes

[Darvula]

I hope things are going better for you now. You ask if we have ever really messed up. Yes, my life from the age of 18 to about 21 was was a 3-year, non-stop car wreck. I was so crazy, out of control and vile to everyone around me at that time that I literally lost every friend I had and am still known to this day by those people as a complete psycho. That was 30 years ago now, yet they still remember. The good news is that the older you get and the more you understand yourself and your illness, the better things can get. For me, giving up drink and drugs was a major improver of my quality of life. Those substances accelerate BP like petrol on a bonfire. In your case, 43camt, you have only just got your diagnosis, so you are still testing everything out. Believe me, it'll get better and better the older you get if you really pay attention to your mood patterns and try to work with them rather than resist them, and if you identify the triggers and accelerators and try as much as possible to remove, avoid or reduce exposure to them wherever possible. And there is always the knowledge that this illness we have is a constant cycle. You get to a low and you have seen it before. You know it's a matter of waiting and wading through it and you'll end up out the other side again. It's the same with the mania - it only lasts so long, and you know pretty much how it'll turn out, so again it's a matter of going with it and letting it take its usual course. In the end, the very curse of it being a reoccurring cycle ends up being reassuring in its repetitiveness. If that makes any sense. Hang in there. It'll get better. Your girlfriend sounds like a keeper.

Darvula

[43camt]

Ive done a lot more than my first post ITT.

In august before my diagnosis, i got in first first ever accident rear ending a jeep on my way to play golf in queens, at rush hour. The idiot told me he had twenty feet in front of him, basically saying he couldve avoided the accident had he been paying attention and looking at his rear view mirror. He stopped short. I had 1800 worth of damage on my bmw, needed a new hood, but luckily my insurance deductible was 300.

Another thing i did was when i visited my gf she got me a ticked to a football gsme. I ended up getting cuffed and ejected becausw i didnt have a student section wristband, and cops in the south dont play around and even want to talk to you. I was talking too much and asking what i did wrong and he then put cuffs on me. Didnt get arrested tho.

Things are getting better i am more aware of everything, and i am trying my best to thi k before i act and/or speak.

It's all new to me but i know bp isnt going away anytime soon, so im taking the cards life has dealt me with and trying to make the best 5 card hand possible.

[43camt]

Originally Posted by Darvula

I hope things are going better for you now. You ask if we have ever really messed up. Yes, my life from the age of 18 to about 21 was was a 3-year, non-stop car wreck. I was so crazy, out of control and vile to everyone around me at that time that I literally lost every friend I had and am still known to this day by those people as a complete psycho. That was 30 years ago now, yet they still remember. The good news is that the older you get and the more you understand yourself and your illness, the better things can get. For me, giving up drink and drugs was a major improver of my quality of life. Those substances accelerate BP like petrol on a bonfire. In your case, 43camt, you have only just got your diagnosis, so you are still testing everything out. Believe me, it'll get better and better the older you get if you really pay attention to your mood patterns and try to work with them rather than resist them, and if you identify the triggers and accelerators and try as much as possible to remove, avoid or reduce exposure to them wherever possible. And there is always the knowledge that this illness we have is a constant cycle. You get to a low and you have seen it before. You know it's a matter of waiting and wading through it and you'll end up out the other side again. It's the same with the mania - it only lasts so long, and you know pretty much how it'll turn out, so again it's a matter of going with it and letting it take its usual course. In the end, the very curse of it being a reoccurring cycle ends up being reassuring in its repetitiveness. If that makes any sense. Hang in there. It'll get better. Your girlfriend sounds like a keeper.

Darvula

Thank you so much.

And my girlfriend is a keeper, and she knows I am a keeper as well.

Its so tough explaining to her, i do not yet want to tell her its bp.

She tries to tell me "you cant freak out on me out of nowhere/react so strongly" and i have told her its not anything i can control, its my illness (all she knows is its moodiness i take meds for). She says she feels like shes not in the loop, i wsnt to tell her but the timing isnt yet right.

[Darvula]

Wait until you feel it's right to tell her. You've only just had the diagnosis. You need to be on the way to understanding it yourself before you can even start to try to explain it to another person. It sounds like things are already starting to set off on the right track for you. Hang in there and it'll be okay.

[Crazy Hitch]

It's a tricky situation because you've only recently been diagnosed.

Whether or not you want to label it to your girlfriend or keep it as "moodiness" depends on a number of factors but it's entirely up to you and you'd have to weigh up the pros and cons.

She'd definitely be seeing some signs that aren't congruent of your normal behavior and she's probably feeling a little bit confused.

Hang in there and be well.

[~Christina]

Honestly I think you need to tell her about your Bipolar , that way she can do research to get an understanding of Bipolar disorder. I'm pretty sure you have been Bipolar long before you got the "diagnosis' or "label" only change now is that your getting help.

You have been with her over a year, she should know... I'm sure she will look back and be able to understand better why you have acted the way you have in the past in some situations.

Good luck with however you decide to handle things.

[43camt]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Honestly I think you need to tell her about your Bipolar , that way she can do research to get an understanding of Bipolar disorder. I'm pretty sure you have been Bipolar long before you got the "diagnosis' or "label" only change now is that your getting help.

You have been with her over a year, she should know... I'm sure she will look back and be able to understand better why you have acted the way you have in the past in some situations.

Good luck with however you decide to handle things.

I agree the thing is we are long distance right now and soon we won't be we will be together and I would rather do it in person than over the phone

[LifeInProgress]

You are certainly not alone in going through this. BP and MI in general have done a pretty good number on my life and my head since I was about 10. Know that I'm pulling for you and your Gf.

[43camt]

Originally Posted by LifeInProgress

You are certainly not alone in going through this. BP and MI in general have done a pretty good number on my life and my head since I was about 10. Know that I'm pulling for you and your Gf.

Thank you.

[Imah]

You are so lucky.

You have an excellent opportunity to work with professionals to help you find the balance to lead a very happy and productive life. Bipolar isn't a tragedy - it just feels like it during the errrrr - time of re-balancing.

Also - for close friends and family there is much information and support offered to them now more then ever.

I have really - really messed up. I didn't take the early opportunity to stick with meds and counseling, that was offered over 3 marriages ago, 2 kids ago, 17 fender benders ago, 2 unfinished colleges ago, 20 jobs ago, 11 homes ago, 6 states ago, over 30 years ago.

So look at that history of mine, say wow, be appreciative of this early discovery and follow the path to maintenance. Be careful with yourself, and take time to heal before you make rash decisions.

My biggest regrets are the impulsive decisions made with other peoples wishes becoming what ruled my decisions instead of being supportive of myself and my own best interests.

Treat others as you wish to be treated BUT also expect to be treated just as well back. Having this illness doesn't mean we deserve abuse because we feel guilty or unworthy.

Best of luck to us all.

[43camt]

Imah I hope you're doing well. Thank you