[smartbutcrazy]

Hello everyone. I have had a relatively long period of stability, (about 10 years) and pretty much my entire living situation has changed during that time. I got married and had two children. I recently decided to change my med regime for health reasons and found the new combo to be much less stabilizing. Saw the doc yesterday and will try a new combo which will take awhile to kick in of course. In the meantime I am going crazy inside. My family doesn't understand because they never knew me to be unstable. I am getting frustrated that they don't get it. As if my being bipolar was some sort of myth or a silly story. My spouse and oldest daughter seem to think my thoughts, feelings, actions are all under my control.

Hello smartbutcrazy: I hear you... I'm afraid my perspective is that no one really cares about our mental health struggles. As long as we don't cause trouble, even our loved-ones, for the most part, are more than willing to pretend everything is just fine. And, of course, in your situation this tendency is reinforced by the fact that your family has not seen you unstable previously.

I wish I had some great suggestion for you as to how to handle this situation. I don't. In my case, I've just learned to stuff my craziness back down & play along with the idea that everything is just fine. I do wonder sometimes though, if at some point the whole charade won't come crashing down. It has in the past.

My best wishes to you...

[smartbutcrazy]

There are people out there who don't even believe mental illness is real. I was out there in the community and ran into someone who said "I think everyone is a little bit bipolar. It's all about how you cope," thereby negating everything I've experienced throughout my life. It makes me want to scream. My stability was a bit of a charade too. I never told my in laws, my coworkers. I started coming out with it and people can't believe me, so I get treated as if I am going through a phase that everyone else goes through. But that is not it. I've been here before, a long time ago. This is when the "crazy" comes out!

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by smartbutcrazy

Hello everyone. I have had a relatively long period of stability, (about 10 years) and pretty much my entire living situation has changed during that time. I got married and had two children. I recently decided to change my med regime for health reasons and found the new combo to be much less stabilizing. Saw the doc yesterday and will try a new combo which will take awhile to kick in of course. In the meantime I am going crazy inside. My family doesn't understand because they never knew me to be unstable. I am getting frustrated that they don't get it. As if my being bipolar was some sort of myth or a silly story. My spouse and oldest daughter seem to think my thoughts, feelings, actions are all under my control.

Oooooh I hate that! People have told me "it's all in your head"! REALLY Captain Obvious?? Of course it is! That's where the CHEMICAL IMBALANCE of the brain is! I tell people all the time "if you think I choose to be like this, then why don't you CHOOSE to walk in my shoes for ONE DAY and see what it's like. SEE if you would want to spend your whole life this way! "

[smartbutcrazy]

Wow! Double thumbs up and ditto to that!

[Crazy Hitch]

I am sorry for your lack of support on this situation.

Some people just don't get it and never will, including our family. It can be complex and difficult to get our heads around this.

I don't come out - except for my husband who obviously needed to know and my sister I told a few years ago. I don't want judgement or unsympathetic responses - I have enough to deal with on my own.

Be well and know that we trust you.

[smartbutcrazy]

Sort of regret coming out now.

[Turtlesoup]

So sorry you are having such a difficult time-it is soooo frustrating when people toss out those platitudes regarding mental illness-hard to believe that it's 2014 & people are still so prejudiced & uninformed. I sympathize with what you are going through with your family not seeing you unstable before-I know when I remarried almost 8 years ago to a wonderful man I was so wrapped up in my love bliss I naively thought I would not have trouble with my mental illness again-my first marriage was a long never ending nightmare so I was in heaven being with someone who truly loved me. However a couple of years later things began creeping back in & then the creeping snowballed into an avalanche-I tried & was successful in hiding how sick I was for a long time but eventually I couldn't keep it up. I have only recently let my husband see how sick I am at times & thankfully he is understanding & supportive. My parents however are not (even though the apple did not fall far from the tree) so I have worked really hard to surround myself with positive people & found a great tdoc & pdoc to work with me. I believe having a good team to support you is important & I would recommend you try to find a therapist/doctor or whoever that could see you & your family together to help them understand better-I wish you the best & remember you are not alone.

[MyBabyGirl]

I feel for you right now, as I am going through a similar situation with the loss of a dog 4 weeks ago.
I have been stable for a long time, but now friends and family keep telling me that it's just a part of life and to just try to get over it. I explain that my change in mood for the past weeks isn't easily coped with (they all know I have bipolar disorder). They wonder why someone with bipolar disorder just doesn’t try harder. They think that if they exert more effort, they’d have the life they want. They wonder why everyone else who experiences mood swings can cope with them but someone with this disorder can’t.
But this implies that bipolar is a choice. Would you ever say that to someone with diabetes or leukemia? Doubtful....

[Curious651]

it is rough for loved ones to accept and understand something they have never experienced. I cannot believe anyone, and I mean anyone can truely know what it is like to be bp unless they are bp. Explaining this to someone does not even compare to what we go through. I can't even explain my feelings at time to myself. How can they relate. Now put in the mix the fact that you have been stable for so long. How can we expect them to understand something we don't even understand. Speaking for myself, I have trouble at times accepting this crap. I have trouble understanding reasons for this. No wonder they are struggling. All I can say is to be patient and understanding. If you don't, I can tell you from personal experience what will happen. Believe me, I would not wish that on anyone what could happen. Be safe and patient with yourself and your family.

[arose113]

Originally Posted by smartbutcrazy

Hello everyone. I have had a relatively long period of stability, (about 10 years) and pretty much my entire living situation has changed during that time. I got married and had two children. I recently decided to change my med regime for health reasons and found the new combo to be much less stabilizing. Saw the doc yesterday and will try a new combo which will take awhile to kick in of course. In the meantime I am going crazy inside. My family doesn't understand because they never knew me to be unstable. I am getting frustrated that they don't get it. As if my being bipolar was some sort of myth or a silly story. My spouse and oldest daughter seem to think my thoughts, feelings, actions are all under my control.

I wish they were more understanding. I would like to say that they will be more understanding, now that they can see what you go through, but it is not the case usually. Even my husband who is bp too, doesn't seem to be very understanding. We always cycle at different times. When he is manic, I want to sleep... and vice-versa. It is like we both have no tolerance for each other either. I hope everything gets stable for you again soon.

[HolisticGal]

I think more and more as a group we should come out, similar to the gay community so that hopefully one day it's like saying "I'm diabetic". But on an individual level, it's really tough to do because almost certainly you will lose your job. I'm also faced with friends who don't believe I am bipolar or the other extreme where people will look at me like I just said I have ebola.

And should you need an attorney... there are plenty that represent the physically handicapped, but the mentally ill (which do have a physical illness of the brain/chemicals) are seen as something less worthy to represent. And that is because of society's perception (the jury, media, etc) that bipolars are violent or crazy.

We need to take steps to start changing this.

[Trippin2.0]

I don't understand what it's like to have cancer or go through chemo, so I've never expected anyone to understand what it's like to have bipolar and go through bipolar, over and over and over again...


Sometimes we have to lower our expectations in order to be happy.


Me, I expect to he accepted as is. So far so good, not one damn person understands, but not one family member, loved one, friend or colleague / job has rejected me.


If pdocs who read up on this shyt for yearrrrs hardly understand, well then there's not much hope for the man on the street is there...

[smartbutcrazy]

My spouse has a cronic medical condition that i dont understand, but its not like we are at each others throats. I think the basic frustration is that people think its all under our control and some is, some isn't. Also, on the topic of coming out. I recently did in front of a classroom of people. In a way I do regret it. One person in the class kept saying "high functioning bipolar" about a particular individual. For some reason that irritated me to the point that I couldn't control the impulse to say something. I don't even know why, but it bugged me. Thank you all so much for the responses. Thinking about your comments has helped me work though this.

[Creative1onder]

Originally Posted by smartbutcrazy

There are people out there who don't even believe mental illness is real. I was out there in the community and ran into someone who said "I think everyone is a little bit bipolar. It's all about how you cope," thereby negating everything I've experienced throughout my life. It makes me want to scream. My stability was a bit of a charade too. I never told my in laws, my coworkers. I started coming out with it and people can't believe me, so I get treated as if I am going through a phase that everyone else goes through. But that is not it. I've been here before, a long time ago. This is when the "crazy" comes out!

Its true, a lot of people still don't believe in mental illness. They don't consider, see depression to be a real illness, medical problem-i experienced that with different people in different situations when i've tried to talk about it, or get help, including health professionals and counsellors. Due to negative responses i've had from people, its led to feel i can't talk, share what i'm going through with others and that even hard trusting professionals to help me.