pdoc and final Dx

Tomorrow I see the pdoc that will make my first Med change and "final" Dx. I have to explain Med issues, Ana being back, the panic (scatteredness) of shoping and the feeling that if I don't hurt myself soon I feel something bad will happen. I'm hoping s/he will read my whole file (200+ pages) . I know I have to tell him/her I have no sex drive and apathetic on the zyprexa. I'm hoping that proving to my ED I'm not gaining weightl ANA will stop screaming at me. Anything you can think of? I haven't seen a pdoc in 4.5 months. T keeps implying my file says SzA:BP. Hopefully s/he is willing to work with my ED restrictions. I'm so scared. So very scared. :'(

My husband will post if the make me go to acute care.

I hear your worries here. I don't believe in a final diagnosis as my diagnoses have changed through the years. I wouldn't worry too much about a diagnosis. I would be more concerned that my symptoms were being treated. Your DX will most probably change as you continue your relationship with your pdoc. They will review your history as they don't want to give you inappropriate meds. Just wait and see. Remember you are the boss and you are the expert when it comes to your body.

Hope this helps in some way.

I wish you the best.

You are a very strong person, MM. Kudos to you for accepting the zyprexa. Don't let the ED (or any other aspect of your illness) win.

Please don't hurt yourself. If you do, something bad will happen for sure: Miguel will lose his mom and we'll all lose a beloved friend!

good luck

and i missed u at the hospital i had 10 peices of paper

lorazepam is great stuff stopped my head and knocked me did even need the seroguil

Justugh,
We'll have plenty of paper air plane fights in the near future.

Thinking of you. Hang in there! I really hope all goes well in your appointment. Take care

MM, as you probably know I was VERY afraid of going to the hospital. I used to think it would be the worst possible thing that could happen to me outside of burning to death or drowning. Then the time came when I had to go, which for me was being more afraid of what was on the outside than what might be waiting for me on the inside.

I won't say that all hospitals are as good as mine was, or that acute inpatient is a nifty vacation. It's not---you work hard in therapy, and sometimes it gets pretty uncomfortable. You see a lot of doctors and therapists. There are often med changes. You don't have much freedom, although I found that to be less distressing than I thought it would be because I felt safe in there. The beds are hard, there's no TV in the rooms, and the food may or may not be good (it was where I was at). The weekends are a little boring because there's only the morning and evening meetings and no therapies, but there's always something to do, even if it's just puzzles or making things. (We painted pumpkins on Halloween.)

Long story short, inpatient is NOT the worst thing that can happen to a person. I understand you're scared, but like I said before, I was too. It'll never be my favorite place to go, but now I won't hesitate if I ever feel unsafe again like I did six weeks ago.

That being said, I hope you don't have to go IP, but if it's necessary, do it! ((((HUGS))))

The ED voices is actually are Psychosis. the urgency of needing to hurt myself is also part of mt psycotic depression. He prescribed symbyax but my insurance wont pay for it. So I'm down to .5-1.5 (7.5mg) Zyprexa, 20 mgs prozac and upped my lamictal to 200mg. The doctor was nice but very professional. He made sure I was seeing a T. Told me I need to work on calming Technics to calm the psychosis. He did say I will always need an antidepressant, an anti psycotic and a mood stabilizer.

So tonight half a zyprexa, 20 mg prozac and 200 lamictal. I see him in two months.

Oh, I'm gaining about a lbs a week.

ma'am i will teach u every trick they taught me or i have picked up

they work most of the time unless stress is stronger then u need pills lorazepam ( i love it no looping thoughts and feels like someone is sucking the stress u built up in gut away )
i just had the best night of sleep i have in months 12 strait no wakes up no filpping and turning all night no cold shoulder feeling

Wait, so you're psychotic and having thoughts of hurting yourself and he wants you to come back in 2 months?!

That is a red flag to me. He should be monitoring you much more carefully...

I understand your frustration about the weight gain. Zyprexa is a wonderful drug, but that side effect...I don't even have ED issues, and the weight gain was very disturbing to me. So I can't imagine how much distress it is causing you. But you are brave and strong. You're doing what you need to do to get better, and we're all so proud of you.

Are you working on your ED issues in therapy? Maybe if you treated it specifically, ana wouldn't be screaming so loudly about the zyprexa weight gain.

he wants you to come back in 2 months?! Yes, that was his first available. He made sure I had a therapist.

Are you working on your ED issues in therapy? I don't "look the part" we're still in the getting to know you stage. I'm pretty sure he has no idea she's back. I'm hoping he reads my file before I see him.

Does this sound insane?

So my insurance will not pay for the combined medication. Each of the meds I am on can be crushed. I take all 3 at the same time. They sell empty capsules. So here is my idea crush all the pills and put them in a capsules. Does that sound doable?

Ask your pharmacist

1 month down, a life time to go.

I have successfully taking my medication at 10:30 pm every night for a month as the Dr said. So not only did I take the meds but it's the same time every day. O had to fight my eating disorder to take it some days and gaining 4 lbs. Is devistatiting to me but I did it and I have a plan in place so I don't gain more.

Stay strong Mom. I'll keep a good thought for you.

So I just got done with a conversation with my husband. He wants me back. I wanting to care and I'm physically here but I'm extremely empty. I can't even force a smile. I'm just there . We're hoping it's the zyprexa but to feel nothing when my husband is crying and almost want any response all I could think was "this really should make me feel bad"

I'm sorry, but I think it's pretty selfish of him to "want you back" when you've suffered so much with uncontrolled bipolar. The flatness you're experiencing will more than likely go away with time; it did with me after I'd been on Zyprexa for a few weeks. You have to give these medications time to work and you have to take them consistently for them to work.

Don't let him (or anyone else) sabotage you, unintended as it might be. Stay on your meds as prescribed. You'll get back to being "you", only better because your disease will be under better control. Think about it!

I hate being just here. I'm eating out of boredom. He's been depressed so my 'coldness' (apathy) is "because he did something wrong" I'm hoping going down in zyprexa helps. I'm soupose to go down and see if it works.

My husband's appointment:

Wait 3+ hrs to hear pdoc can't do a psychological evaluation because he doesn't have time. He raised his abilify and changed his AD from Celexa to wellbutrin.

Then I get a horrible email from his teacher. Turns out as an essay reads "I didn't feel like reading the text. It'saddened boring, I'll do it later. Please email me if there's something more. .. fun"

Normal teen stuff or BP. So Miguel wrote a very rude letter to his Bio teacher forcing our hand to have to drop him from the class. We didn't scream we did tell him how disapointed we were and dropped the class. We had topickn up our nephew and talk about his punishment. He was crying and asked me to stay because he was suicidal. I don't think that's normal and I swear we didn't over react. His punishment is that he has to really take the lower 2 class before retaking his current class. This means that he'll have 3x the work.

So back from T with a safety plan. He said we're doing right by Miguel. My coldness is preserved. However my logic is failing me and my communication ability's are slipping. He doesn't like that I feel like if I don't harm my self something bad will happen and the safety plan was for that. My former T wrote a lot that even with my thoughts I have never seriously harmed myself or others and if I ever do it's because I wont be able to comprehend that it's harmful. He started reading front to back but then decided back to front was the best bet.

i had a social studies teacher like that one

i wrote a report on a subject i liked and knew alot about but he was convinced that my mom or dad did it for me ..........it took my mom screaming at him and the principal .....so they made me give a oral report off the top of my head ......the principal told the teacher to give my paper a grade after that i got a b for spelling mistakes

after that the teacher looked for any reason to give me detention or have me kicked out of his class .........i ended up sitting in the front office for weeks during 4th period .......i go to class get my classwork/reading do the work in 15 mins and head to the office so i would not need to be around the man

some teachers are just asses .........after i left that school i heard he got fired from the middle school for drinking on the job he had vodka in his desk (vodka is the only drink u can have with out it smelling on breath found that out in a AA meeting)

the good news the other teachers heard about it so they would just give me my class work with in the first 5 mins i turn it in and they would let me go to the teacher's lounge and sleep until next period 7/8 grades rocked science social studies and math i got to sleep once i was done my work ( they got me out of class so i would not get bored and tell the other kids the answers so i had someone to goof off with )