[flip]

I'm bipolar and have been taking meds for a long time now... I still go through cycles and have accepted that I will probably be this way for the rest of my life. There's a huge concern I have, my feelings are becoming less and less alive. i.e. my grandmother died this past October, I didn't cry and didn't feel anything. Love for other people isn't there anymore. I'm afraid that all the medication that I have been taking will castrate all of my feelings, good and bad. I'm currently going through some bad time in my marriage, it seems we're headed for divorce, my thoughts and rational is telling me to save it but i don't feel anything.

[babs92]

Hi flip, so sorry to hear things have not been going well for you in your marriage. I can relate to "not feeling" anything but its mostly with antidepressants that I get this non feeling thing, not being able to cry etc. as before I was diagnosed with bipolar I was on 10 years of anti d's.

Can you talk to your partner about how you are feeling? Opening up will maybe help you to get in touch with how you feel somehow, and perhaps going back to your doc to review your medication?

[darkeyes]

What medications have you been on? I only experienced,no longer having or feeling emotions, and that was when I was on anti-depressants, such as,Zoloft,Lexapro,Celexa,Wellbutrin, and Prozac (not all at the same time) seems like SSRI's was not the answer for me, but GP first had me DXed as clinically depressed, years went by,long story, and then I was evaluated and DXed by a pdoc as Bipolar-II(mild) and ADD(mild), put on right meds.(mood stabilier) and I am happy to say my feelings except sexual, have returned, some of that or all of it is due to my thyroid condition, that is being looked in. One of the mood stabilier they first tried also made me a zombie, Depakote, it works for some, but wasn't right for me, so with the pdoc's work we found one that was perfect for me, Lamictal. Before Lamictal, I was on Lithobid, which is terrific (my bro has taken it for over 30yrs) but then certain things became blunted and that's when pdoc suggested Lamictal. All meds affect people differently, so sometimes a switch or will to switch can have a positive outcome.
I always suggest having a physical to rule out any physical condition and then a psychiatric evaluation, in order to be put on the right treatment plan that best agrees with your system.
I can relate to this "non-feeling" thing, it's really beat. If you can explain to your doc how this is effecting you, and stress to him or her that you are willing to try a different med or combo, and you just do not like this "non-feeling" thing that is occuring.
Lots of luck with this, let us know how things work out.
Take care,
DE

[Soidhonia]

Hello and welcome to Psych central. I agreee with the above advice you should talk to your Dr as soon as you can regarding your feelings that you are having. The Dr can adjust your meds to help you feel better. take care and good day. Soidhonia

[flip]

Thanks for your suggestions and words of help.
I've been in so many meds since the age 18 until now, I'm 41. It seems that my character changed in 1999/2000. I have done things that I would have never done before. It's very crazy. I have a 6 1/2 yr old daughter and I cant stop thinking what would happen if I stop feeling love for my daughter... its an awful thought. I can go on feeling lonely and empty but i cant with out the love for my daughter.

[polarbear206]

What meds are you currently taking? What diagnosis of bipolar are you? Can you tell me more about your past med and symptom history. I take Lamictal and it has been a miracle drug for me. Many of us here are on it. It is very possible for you to eliminate some of the emotional blunting from your meds.

Polarbear

[Meta]

Hi flip,
I am sorry you are having a bad time right now.
There have been some times in the last year when I had periods of what I would call "non-feeling." Before I had them, I would have thought not having emotion would have been great compared to the intense, mostly negative moods and emotions I usually experience and which I feel are most aptly described as "emotional diabetes." But I didn't like the non feeling episodes at all, and found myself feeling like I was in a bubble and disconnected from everyone else. Several people I know said they discontinued antidepressants because they felt they were preventing them from experiencing their true emotions and they felt sort of blah all the time.
I don't know if you are on antidepressants but it seems to be the current thinking that antidepressants are often contraindicated for bipolars. It's something I am thinking a lot about because I take paxil..
I have felt perplexed a lot of times in the many years I have taken psychotropics-often wondering if my meds are making me feel a particular way or if what I am having is a "true" feeling based on what was going on in my life. I also have found the many episodes of depression to be very wearing and somewhat of a factor in causing me to be more depressed and hopeless feeling at times.

As far as your marriage goes, for what it is worth from someone like myself who is no relationship expert, there was something I read in "The Road Less Travelled," that intrigued me. A man said he didn't feel love for his wife, and the response he was given was to act loving regardless of how he felt and sooner or later the feelings would catch up with his actions. I don't know if this works, but like I said it intrigued me and sort of gave me a new perspective on love.

I don't know if any of my ramblings are helpful and address what you have posted about so I will stop going on now.

I hope something works out for you.

take care,

Meta

[January]

Hi Flip,

Sometimes when a person's emotions run too high and she just can't take any more, her brain will dissociate. It feels like you're just watching your life instead if participating in it. It's hard to describle and people's experiences vary, but emotions are blunted and you're just not "with it". Maybe this is what is happening with you. Divorce is one of the greatest pains we can experience, so it makes sense that this might be happening. I urge you to talk about it with your pdoc or t.

Jan

[bizi]

I believe we decide to love someone...not jsut based on feelings. WE decide to do this and then our actions speak louder than words.
Do you have a journal or therapist to work with?
bizi