[BraveSwimmer]

I am a professional and am bipolar depressive. I have a job, I don't spend money I don't have, and well I have a nice life. I function in everyday life. I wake up because I have to work and support myself. However, I feel like unless I have a trip planned to go travel or have to get ready to go to work I don't give a .....about much of anything. I just sleep to pass time or drink alcohol to give me a small feeling of euphoria. I don't do drugs except the ones I'm prescribed. I absolutely suck when it comes to any type of romantic intimate relationship. I can't keep one because I always want out and feel overwhelmed. I'm a loner because I've had a lot of loss and don't have much family around....sometimes, I feel like what's the .....point. I love my father and I love my sister, but religion has drove my father and I apart and divided our once strong bond. Time has made my sister's and I relationship less close. I have tried to work on both, but have come to realize, those relationships will never be the same as they once were. I feel angry, pain, sad, and sometimes hopeless. I make a good friend but have no interest in many friends; people can't be trusted/they hurt you. Relationships of the intimate type I always sabotage. Anybody else have this problem??? I feel peace when I'm alone ...and spend most of my free time alone....but sometimes, even people like me need .....want to feel

[CANDC]

Brave swimmer, welcome to Psych Central (PC). Sorry to hear you are feeling so much weighing on you. There are many other forums at PC that might be of interest.

How you spend your time is a personal choice. The thing you say about not trusting other people may make starting a deeply personal relationship difficult. But that does not say you couldn't help other people and see if that would fulfill some of the need to relate to others. Some people volunteer in their spare time, others find projects to work on.

I too feel peace when alone and try to spend periods of quiet when waking and before going to bed. It is just that that is not enough for me. I need more than that. Yoga can be learned online, exercising or walking in nature can be exhilirating. Sometimes creativity pops its head up.

Do you have a therapist you could talk to about this? Sometimes a group therapy group brings someone together with compassionate people without the commitments of a personal relationship.

[BraveSwimmer]

Thanks for your response . Yes I see a therapist but only once every 2 months to talk and med refill. sometimes I go to her more it depends on my mood. I am completely myself with her and am honest, but I feel like she thinks because I function that I'm ok...when I come out of work I turn off, I cycle often, mood wise. I have taken up hobbies, I'm learning French with a tutor and I try to exercise regularly. However, lately after I workout and don't have to work I just want to come home and shut off. When I don't have to face the world, I don't.....But I don't want to keep being this way on a constant basis

[Standup2me]

What is wrong with wanting to be alone?
It sounds like you don't want an intimate relationship, you like being alone
With the exception the alcohol, you take care of ourself
Is it because being alone is a societal no-no?
Is the hole that you feel there because of the pressure you are putting on yourself?

If it is people-feel (need to be around another human), volunteer, take a class, teach a class, take swimming lessons...etc.

I am not being mean, please don't think that.
I love being alone, and wished that I knew that before I was in four divorces... and maybe another on the way

I am sending peace and warm hugs

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi BraveSwimmer

You're doing a great job keeping up the professional demands of maintaining and holding a job.

I'm sorry to hear family relations are strained due to religion.

It sounds as if you have a good relationship with your therapist - that's always a bonus. The meds will only get you so far but we do need the professional support of talking things through.

You've created outlets like studying language and going to gym. All of these are really positive signs in my eye.

Not wanting to face the world could very likely be a transitional phase that you are going through. I get this sometimes. But it doesn't last forever. It's almost like the feeling of wanting to lock the front door and hope like hell no one knocks.

I wish you peace and comfort moving forward and when the time is right, you may meet a significant other to spend your time with.

[BraveSwimmer]

very nice and true advice. I appreciate the feedback