Story time

I am thinking of you, MM.

Monday I'm going to walk-in and wait for a cancelation to get my abilify increased or should I just wait till Wednesday and see what T says which would give the medication a full week to work?

You're out of abilify?

You're ALREADY thinking of messing with your meds again?!?!

No I'm having a Dr mess with them. I'm still having irrational self-harm thoughts (verging on delusional), and crushing depression. Ip Dr said if that's still happening he was going to raise the abilify But I felt better that morning so I was released.

Curious if you have evet tried seroquel. It worked for me in every way possible when i needed it

I was on seroquel and it made my head yank to the left. Most recently I was on zyprexa and gained more then a lbs a week. It's interesting for years I fought tooth and nail to stay off AP's and out of hospitals BUT in the last 5 months I've been hospitalized and have tried 3 different AP's.

If it were me....if I can keep myself safe I would wait and give it those two extra days to be in my system then see my T and get everything out in the open who the person I will be working with full time. I said for now...keep working your coping skills and take it day by day. Its almost here.

ma'am

u have already used the words that would get u back into IP
self harm is one of the golden commitment things ......u tell a doctor that they will have u in IP fairly fast

i am sorry u are reminding me of Marisa (this women was the queen of drama ) .....if your head is not on strait then go back to the fricken IP and have them do it all at once do not leave stay in until the meds are right and the head is clear ....your just putting yourself tho more hell by this stuff .........go and end it get it all done at once in weeks instead of more months

good luck ma'am .....check back in here in a few months see how u played it

I am so sorry you are struggling so much. I hope you find a med cocktail which works. It's so hard for some of us to find the right meds.

Do you feel you should be back in the hospital?

I'm not a drama queen, I'm having a hard time right now (right now being since nov. '13- current on and off) I asked for coping skills and I got crap.

I had a T that I could write these thoughts to instead of here. I had a team who warmed me up to allow me to get in the mental health system and trust it. In doing that they allowed me freedom of choosing when I was ready to start which meds. Their feeling was some treatment was better then none. In doing so PC and my former team got me use to using PRN's, asking for more help and being open here. Yes I mess with meds to make them last longer or if I was worried asking for help would get me involuntarily committed but I always let T know. After being petrified of the hospital and involuntarily commitment, feeling the hospital would medicate “me” away. I've asked for more help from the crisis unit and got turned away. I always think I'm not bad enough for IP or are to paranoid to try.

Then I moved. scripts were taken away I had to make meds last and yes I know I go through psychosis “Illogical thinking”. Again I took less and less meds. I finally got the scripts and Insurance said no! I went to get Symbyax (similar to my viibryd) and lamictal. Insurance said no! Started Zyprexa, prozac, and lamictal. Saw pdoc he just filled the meds even with my complains. Gained 14 lbs and things were off with me. So I asked for help coping. I get go to IP, drama queen... I didn't think I would qualify but after a lot of discussion I went to IP. I left to soon because I thought individual would help more then IP. I didn't get individual therapy. I'm sure I don't qualify for IP now. I have to wait until I see T. Wait for the meds to kick in and keep myself safe. So I need coping skills not judgment. I've come a ****en far way from 4 years ago.

Well what helps me is I kinda make my home life like I'm in the hospital. I bought these adult coloring books and use them to distract and ground myself. I also use my aroma therapy oils. I write and write and write. I do grounding skills, pandoras box has a great list of them. I use dbt distress tolerance skills. I made a self care box where you put things in it to stimulate your five senses. I look at old journals to see how far I've come. If all else fails I take a sedating ap and hold the f on.