[secretgalaxy]

I just got out of a mental hospital about 2 weeks ago. They diagnosed me with major depression and gave me them. I stayed in the hospital for one more week after starting an Anti-depressant, and after a few days, I was literally jumping off the walls. One night, the nurses gave me an anti-psychotic drug to put my to sleep because I was running down the hallway. The nurse even called an on-call doctor and told him that I shouldn't be leaving any time soon because I was full-blown manic. Well, I ended up leaving a few days later, still jumping and hyper, not sleeping, etc. The doctor warned my mom that I needed to go back if it continues. After I have been back, my friends and family have concluded that I have bipolar, because we could see the cycles throughout the year, and I am manic right now. The general rule is that I should see my therapist and/or psychiatrist within 48 hours of being released, but they couldn't schedule it until 2 weeks out. Then something happen, and it got changed to next week. They told me to stay on the medicine until my new psychiatrist assesses me. Well, since I have been on this medicine, I am getting 2-4 hours of sleep, can't sit still or concentrate, racing thoughts and crazy ideas, and the worst-- hallucinations and delusions. Like this morning, my mom drove my brother to work so I was home alone still sleeping, when I felt something sit on my bed. I couldn't move to see it, but I knew no one was there. After a few minutes, it got up but I felt it was staring at me until my mother came home. The past few days, I feel like something has been watching me and I will see shadows. One time in class, I looked down at my notes and there was a piece of tape on it. I tried to remove it, and then I realized that it was a hallucination. I started believing that the medication was a tracking device and that it can take control over my mind, but I am scared to stop taking it because there is someone watching me and they will send me back to the hospital. My friend helped me realize that these thoughts weren't normal or actually true, but I still believe them. I don't know what I can do until next Thursday when I see my psychiatrist. Any ideas?

[butterflypower]

Go to the hospital. They shouldn't have released you like that.

[Tucson]

My vote is to go back to the hospital to be readmitted.

My opinion is screw everybody and quit taking the meds. AD drives beepers manic if not taken with a stabilizer. Good luck.

[secretgalaxy]

Unfortunately, the hospital is not really an option, as I am in school right now, and my mom is 100% against me going back. I have told her about the hallucinations, too. I want to stop taking the AD as it is controlling my mind, but I am scared that if I do, the person/people watching me will send me back to the hospital. Plus, what if I end up even more screwed afterwards... can't it mess up your brain if you stop AD meds suddenly or something? I remember them warning me about that and the booklet said that you should gradually come off it. My mom is going to go back to the office tomorrow and talk to them about it, but I don't know what they will do.

[cashart10]

Still dealing with this, huh? You shouldn't be taking the antidepressant without a mood stabilizer if you are, in fact, experiencing mania. Hopefully your doctor will recognize that and will change your instructions tomorrow when the office talks with your mom. You are right though; it is very risky to stop the med on your own. I'm not sure if you are in high school or college but either way, I remember what it is like to be manic at school. I remember having bizarre outbursts that I was so embarrassed about later. I remember destroying friendships. I feel for you. I hope you can reach stability soon!

[butterflypower]

I was on Paxil and it triggered a manic episode. Now I'm off Paxil, and take Trazodone along with a mood stabilizer and anti psychotic. It hasn't fully got in my system but I feel a little bit better. I understand when your family is against the hospital idea. They were mad because I went to get help. They don't believe I needed help. They were afraid I would be addicted to medicine. As far as they know, I stopped taking them. I'm never again talking about my problems with them.

[secretgalaxy]

Yea, I am sucking at school right now because all I can do is basically hop up and down in my seat and draw in my notebook. I am a HS student taking college classes on campus, and thankfully I don't have classes back to back or past 1, or else I would probably be kicked out by now. I just want to go outside and run as fast as I can, but it is really late and my mom said I have to stay inside and I can't take it anymore because people are watching me. What good would the hospital do? They don't want me,

[secretgalaxy]

My mom is supportive of everything that has happened so far but she thinks that she can deal with it on her own. I personally think I am going crazy. I don't think anyone can help me anymore. My head is just pounding like crazy.

[cashart10]

It is very hard to sit, let alone focus. I had to leave school my junior year to be home schooled. I don't even like to look back. Keep us posted, OK?

[cashart10]

You are definitely not beyond help. Try a mindfulness technique. I will find you a link in just a minute. If that doesn't work, can you blare some music, even in headphones, and just dance like a fool?

[secretgalaxy]

I will keep you posted. I am probably going to be staying up all night again. This week I have gotten only 6 hours of sleep between Sunday- Wednesday and last night my medicine actually put me out but it was the worst sleep I have ever gotten and will not be sleeping again. It was filled with bad dreams and hallucinations when I woke up, so no thank you. I don't need it anyway, as I can do everything normal people only dream of.

[cashart10]

Free Guided Meditations | UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center ...this is just the first I found that seems legitimate. If you goggle it, there are many more available exercises. Hopefully the monotonous nature of the meditation won't annoy you right now.

[secretgalaxy]

I dance all the time I will definitely be doing that!

[secretgalaxy]

So we got an appointment on Monday. They are not completely sure if it is bipolar or not, but are hoping at it is just an medically induced mania. But my family and friends are pretty sure that I have been having hypomanias and maybe one full mania. I personally don't care, I just want to know why I'm so crazy.

[Imah]

When Doctors ask me," so tell me whats been going on." I draw a blank sometimes. Write down everything in a notebook. Best of luck to you.

[secretgalaxy]

Today when I went in, I got to meet my new therapist and sit down with her some and talk, she couldn't understand what I was saying because I was talking really fast. The only thing I didn't bring up was that I believe that the meds are taking control over my mind and that there are people watching me and that they can control me through the medication. I did bring up that I was having hallucinations and that they were touching me. I'll try to write down what I am thinking in the middle of the night as that is when I am my worst because I can't leave my room and I can't get my energy out.