[Velouria]

I've been so up... and then Monday I snapped because I finally got very down about not having the ability to control my emotions. There's a story that goes with that, but that's the TLDR.

And then when I emailed a friend saying I felt pathetic, since I'm 32 years old and should be able to just snap out of it, and my paranoia, he responded by asking if I had paranoid personality disorder. I read the characteristics and symptoms of it and it made me feel worse, I was insulted, because that's not how I am at all (I've been talking to him a lot lately about what I've been experiencing).

And I know he was trying to find a solution, a means to help, but I just wanted to hear, "It's okay, you're not pathetic."

I feel like such a whiny child. I'm sorry.

So I wound up calling out of work yesterday because I felt so low, and felt like crying all morning but couldn't because it's hard for me to cry, which is really a ***** sometimes. Wound up watching anime all day and going to bed at 7:30, after being a ***** to my boyfriend and then apologising profusely. He seemed to understand, but he in no way deserved it.

Anyway, I just don't want to be like this. I don't want to sink any further. I hate having no control.

People say you can control your feelings, but I don't believe it. How do you control your feelings?

[Wander]

Sorry you are having a tough time. Do you have a therapist who can help you manage your moods? It has taken me years with a great therapist to be able to have some control over my moods. Only when I am really unwell do I lose control. What helps achieve this is different for everyone. i wish I could give u an easier answer but I cannot think of anything off hand at the moment. i just wanted you to know you are not alone.

[gayleggg]

I'm sorry your friend wasn't more supportive. It's really hard for an outside person to understand.

I don't do very well with controlling my feelings, but I try to catch distorted thoughts that cause my bad feelings. By controlling the thoughts it helps to control my emotions. I find a lot of my my emotional problems come from distorted thoughts there by causing a endless cycle of thoughts if I don't catch and reframe them into positive thoughts. It doesn't work when I totally depressed but it does help if I'm only starting to get a little depressed.

Here is a list of the distorted thoughts. I really struggle with All or Nothing thinking.

• All-Or-Nothing Thinking – You see things in black-and-white categories. If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure.
• Overgeneralization – You see a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.
• Mental Filter – You pick out a single negative defeat and dwell on it exclusively so that your vision of reality becomes darkened, like the drop of ink that colors the entire beaker of water.
• Disqualifying the positive – You dismiss positive experiences by insisting they “don’t count” for some reason or other. In this way you can maintain a negative belief that is contradicted by your everyday experiences.
• Jumping to conclusions – You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that convincingly support your conclusion.
  A. Mind reading. You arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you, and you don’t bother to check this out.
  B. The fortune teller error. You anticipate that things will turn out badly, and you feel convinced that your prediction is an already-established fact.
• Magnification (Catastrophizing) or Minimization- You exaggerate the importance of things (such as your goof-up or someone else’s achievement), or you inappropriately shrink things until they appear tiny (your own desirable qualities or the other fellow’s imperfections). This is also called the “binocular trick.”
• Emotional Reasoning – You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are: “I feel it, therefore it must be true.
• Should Statements – You try to motivate yourself with shoulds and shouldn’ts, as if you had to be whipped and punished before you could be expected to do anything. “Musts” and “oughts” are also offenders. The emotional consequence is guilt. When you direct should statements toward others, you feel anger, frustration, and resentment.
• Labeling and Mislabeling – This is an extreme form of overgeneralization. Instead of describing your error, you attach a negative label to yourself: “I’m a loser.” When someone else’s behavior rubs you the wrong way, you attach a negative label to him: “He’s a ****** louse.” Mislabeling involves describing an event with language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded.
• Personalization – You see yourself as the cause of some negative external event which in fact you were not primarily responsible for.

[Tucson]

[alincdytyourmeds]

Emotions are nature. Our actions to our emotions is what is hard, but it's kind of like saying I want that chocolate cake. Sometime I let my emotions control me and I eat it. But most of the time I tell my self of course you want it, but probably won't have it.

[Flyer]

Wow, good list! I too can over-ride negative thoughts most of the time but that has come from years of learning. I do strive to surround myself with positive things as much as possible and that helps, and stay away from the negatives.

It sounds like you are having a difficult time. I would get back with my pdoc and explain how you are feeling for possible med adjustment. Then with a therapist to get more stable, then help deal with the negative thoughts your mind is feeding you.

I wholly believe it is possible to retrain your brain to a certain extent and has been very helpful for me.

Take good care of you. ((()))

[Velouria]

Originally Posted by Wander

Sorry you are having a tough time. Do you have a therapist who can help you manage your moods? It has taken me years with a great therapist to be able to have some control over my moods. Only when I am really unwell do I lose control. What helps achieve this is different for everyone. i wish I could give u an easier answer but I cannot think of anything off hand at the moment. i just wanted you to know you are not alone.

Thanks, Wander, I appreciate that.

I do not currently have a therapist. I stopped therapy back in September. I should find a new therapist. I just felt I needed a break after 7-8 years, and I thought I was okay...

[Velouria]

Originally Posted by gayleggg

I'm sorry your friend wasn't more supportive. It's really hard for an outside person to understand.

I don't do very well with controlling my feelings, but I try to catch distorted thoughts that cause my bad feelings. By controlling the thoughts it helps to control my emotions. I find a lot of my my emotional problems come from distorted thoughts there by causing a endless cycle of thoughts if I don't catch and reframe them into positive thoughts. It doesn't work when I totally depressed but it does help if I'm only starting to get a little depressed.

Here is a list of the distorted thoughts. I really struggle with All or Nothing thinking.

• All-Or-Nothing Thinking – You see things in black-and-white categories. If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure.
• Overgeneralization – You see a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.
• Mental Filter – You pick out a single negative defeat and dwell on it exclusively so that your vision of reality becomes darkened, like the drop of ink that colors the entire beaker of water.
• Disqualifying the positive – You dismiss positive experiences by insisting they “don’t count” for some reason or other. In this way you can maintain a negative belief that is contradicted by your everyday experiences.
• Jumping to conclusions – You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that convincingly support your conclusion.
  A. Mind reading. You arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you, and you don’t bother to check this out.
  B. The fortune teller error. You anticipate that things will turn out badly, and you feel convinced that your prediction is an already-established fact.
• Magnification (Catastrophizing) or Minimization- You exaggerate the importance of things (such as your goof-up or someone else’s achievement), or you inappropriately shrink things until they appear tiny (your own desirable qualities or the other fellow’s imperfections). This is also called the “binocular trick.”
• Emotional Reasoning – You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are: “I feel it, therefore it must be true.
• Should Statements – You try to motivate yourself with shoulds and shouldn’ts, as if you had to be whipped and punished before you could be expected to do anything. “Musts” and “oughts” are also offenders. The emotional consequence is guilt. When you direct should statements toward others, you feel anger, frustration, and resentment.
• Labeling and Mislabeling – This is an extreme form of overgeneralization. Instead of describing your error, you attach a negative label to yourself: “I’m a loser.” When someone else’s behavior rubs you the wrong way, you attach a negative label to him: “He’s a ****** louse.” Mislabeling involves describing an event with language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded.
• Personalization – You see yourself as the cause of some negative external event which in fact you were not primarily responsible for.

Wow, this is awesome. I'm going to copy and save this somewhere.

I'm frequently guilty of all-or-nothing thinking, jumping to conclusions, and minimization. And emotional reasoning, I think.

Thank you so much for this. This is really great.

[Velouria]

Originally Posted by Flyer

Wow, good list! I too can over-ride negative thoughts most of the time but that has come from years of learning. I do strive to surround myself with positive things as much as possible and that helps, and stay away from the negatives.

It sounds like you are having a difficult time. I would get back with my pdoc and explain how you are feeling for possible med adjustment. Then with a therapist to get more stable, then help deal with the negative thoughts your mind is feeding you.

I wholly believe it is possible to retrain your brain to a certain extent and has been very helpful for me.

Take good care of you. ((()))

Thanks Flyer. I appreciate it.

I admit I am having a difficult time, and I hate to admit it. I feel weak. I just don't want to have to constantly be upping dosages and/or switching meds if there is something I can do on my own. But I don't know if there is. If the smallest thing is tipping me over, I don't know if there is. There has to be some way to retrain your brain, to some extent. I just feel like I've been very lost in the dark when it comes to that.

I feel very alone.

[Junia]

I kept a list of those cognitive errors handy when I was first diagnosed. They're really helpful, although one of them still feels more 'normal' than 'error.' Thanks for posting them; I need to review them carefully - been way too long.

[Flyer]

Originally Posted by Velouria

I admit I am having a difficult time, and I hate to admit it. I feel weak. I just don't want to have to constantly be upping dosages and/or switching meds if there is something I can do on my own. But I don't know if there is. If the smallest thing is tipping me over, I don't know if there is. There has to be some way to retrain your brain, to some extent. I just feel like I've been very lost in the dark when it comes to that.

I feel very alone.

You are not alone, nor are you the 'only'. There are times when we all 'just get tired'. Doesn't everyone?

Therapy and time [age] helped a lot. I highly recommend therapy if you're not.

Often therapy let me know I wasn't nuts and it was okay to experience my feelings. Getting the crap out into the open where I could deal with it. Unloading troubles with another person can lighten the feelings. When I felt lost and in the dark, my therapist held out a 'comforting hand in the darkness' and let me know that I was okay. Sometimes I was unable to pin point the cause, and therapists just have a way to help me do that.

Through therapy I learned some skills/tools, and come up with some of my own to put in my little bag of tricks.

I came here, before going to a therapist this time, as I too am questioning my 'place' and have been out of sorts since November. This place is helpful for me at this time. I'll see where it goes.

Best wishes, and take good care of you!

We're all in this together.

[Velouria]

Originally Posted by Flyer

You are not alone, nor are you the 'only'. There are times when we all 'just get tired'. Doesn't everyone?

Therapy and time [age] helped a lot. I highly recommend therapy if you're not.

Often therapy let me know I wasn't nuts and it was okay to experience my feelings. Getting the crap out into the open where I could deal with it. Unloading troubles with another person can lighten the feelings. When I felt lost and in the dark, my therapist held out a 'comforting hand in the darkness' and let me know that I was okay. Sometimes I was unable to pin point the cause, and therapists just have a way to help me do that.

Through therapy I learned some skills/tools, and come up with some of my own to put in my little bag of tricks.

I came here, before going to a therapist this time, as I too am questioning my 'place' and have been out of sorts since November. This place is helpful for me at this time. I'll see where it goes.

Best wishes, and take good care of you!

We're all in this together.

Thank you, Flyer.

I got so sick of therapy. I felt like it wasn't helping anymore/like I'd gone as far as I could go with it. Apparently not. Maybe it was just that way with that therapist.

Still, I'm so sick of it. I feel so pressured. I suck at speaking. If I could write everything down, hand it to someone, and then have them respond, it'd be so much better. But often, I open my mouth and my brain just ****s me.

I don't feel alone here. But I feel alone where I am. I'm afraid I'm burning out my one light. And I'm not a priority. And I get that, but it's rough. I feel like the more I say to him, the more alien I become. I don't feel comforted. I just feel like a problem waiting to be solved. It's terrible of me to even lay my **** on someone like this anyway. So maybe all I really am is just a problem to be solved, a damaged toy on a conveyor belt.

I'm sorry to be negative. This place is helpful to me, I agree. At least I can say something like that here and not feel like I'm obliging anyone to do anything.

Sigh.

Again, thank you.