[Becoming]

Hey everyone,

So I've noticed lately that everything I worked for seems to be slowly disappearing.

For the last 5 months or so I have been working so hard to get myself on a good track. For a good part of that, I was better than I had ever been.

Now I'm getting negative thoughts back and finding lack of motivation. I think I slipped into depression or am getting very close and I don't know how to stop it at all.

A lot of things that made me feel better were not going on Facebook a lot, not texting a lot, not checking my phone a lot, not expecting things, etc. Now I am increasingly doing all the things I don't want to be doing. I'm finding myself having thoughts like "they're not responding, so they don't like me or they just want me to be quiet." I keep having strong urges to login Facebook and whenever I do then I feel guilty and usually I feel like crap after logging off. Same thing, but not as intense, with tumblr. And now I am back to where I feel like I MUST have my phone near me at all times and check every couple of minutes to see if anyone texted me and then I feel upset if nobody did.

I also keep on going onto dating sites because I'm lonely. I want to go on some dates or just enjoy some company with someone special. Yeah, friends are good, but I just want to like kiss someone or cuddle with someone already. It's been over 5 months that I've been single now. But I don't feel good trying to look for that because I'm graduating in May and I don't know where I'm living. And then when nobody responds or contacts me I just get upset anyway.

I don't know what is going on. I worked so hard to try and get back to a good place and now I just feel like all the work I did is for nothing. It's like I have no control now. I'm so stressed and upset. And I don't want to do anything except for play games or watch movies. Not into my schoolwork...so much that it is actually painful and I have to force myself to complete it.

I have no idea how to kick the habits again. I want my thinking clear and not to think like nobody likes me or is annoyed with me. This doesn't feel good at all. I just want to be healthy and do what I'm supposed to do and enjoy some things when I can. I'm just lonely and my self esteem plummeted now and I think my friends know it because I feel like they can tell I changed a bit (I am more angry and I have told them several times I don't want to be around people).

Ugh. I'm sorry for complaining/venting/whatever. I don't know what to do. I feel so hopeless and upset about all of this. I tried so hard.

[gayleggg]

I'm sorry you are having a rough time. That's the problem with being bipolar, we are not always in control. Sometimes the mood swings happen no matter how hard we work. It does get discouraging. It's best to be easy with yourself, talk to your doctor and hold on until you start to swing back the other way.

So what are your current stressors now? Your feelings that no one likes you? What evidence do you have to support that? The internet stuff I dont really understand... you can turn off tumblr and fb and not having people reply is not such a big deal in the scheme of things - unless its a life or death situation.

Keep up the good work of routine and keep doing your school work. We have little blips but if we keep working hard on keeping the routine and life going they will only be little blips and there is no need to fall into despair.

[Becoming]

Originally Posted by Supanova

So what are your current stressors now? Your feelings that no one likes you? What evidence do you have to support that? The internet stuff I dont really understand... you can turn off tumblr and fb and not having people reply is not such a big deal in the scheme of things - unless its a life or death situation.

Keep up the good work of routine and keep doing your school work. We have little blips but if we keep working hard on keeping the routine and life going they will only be little blips and there is no need to fall into despair.

My current stressors are an insane amount of school work (including senior thesis) and loneliness. I'm pretty busy like a lot of others so there's not really social interaction outside of meal time.

I guess not much evidence. I just have a hard time trusting people. I've had people up and leave my life and sometimes they don't tell me why at all. A friend I really liked said he's avoiding most people and I really miss him but I think he doesn't want to be friends with me anymore.

I also kind of miss my ex from time to time but my therapist doesn't get it since the relationship was only a month and a half and ended 5 months ago. I tried sending an apology through a friend but heard nothing of whether she will receive it.

With tumblr and facebook, it's because it's full of triggers usually. And it's a time suck when I have so much to do. And it has bad memories and drama associated with it.

I just want to feel wanted and important. I have a hard time believing that I am sometimes. Not replying is a bad thing to me. I know it's irrational. It's grounded in past issues.

It is hard to take care of myself with all the stressors and nonstop schoolwork. I have to graduate in May. It's so hard to keep up without it taking over my life. And I'm only taking 4 classes when most take 5!

Thank you for responding and the encouragement.

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[brackenbeard]

Habits are hard to break. My smoking is such a battle. I go back and forth.

I found an app very useful to me called "anti-social." If there is a specific time you go on facebook, tumblr, or any site you can run the program. This causes these sites to be blocked for any amount of time, and it's impossible to access them.

[Flyer]

Do you recall what you did in the beginning that helped you feel/do better? Maybe you could try some of that.

[Becoming]

Originally Posted by brackenbeard

Habits are hard to break. My smoking is such a battle. I go back and forth.

I found an app very useful to me called "anti-social." If there is a specific time you go on facebook, tumblr, or any site you can run the program. This causes these sites to be blocked for any amount of time, and it's impossible to access them.

Habits sure are hard to beak. No doubt.

What is the app on? A certain browser?

Originally Posted by Flyer

Do you recall what you did in the beginning that helped you feel/do better? Maybe you could try some of that.

I was reading my Bipolar 2 workbook a lot and playing video games. I was also with my family. I'm now at college away from my family and have much less time for leisure activities. Today, for example, I had a 15 hour day with no breaks except food.

I had some good ways to control my thoughts. A lot seem to have left me too. Harder to catch the thoughts that aren't making me feel good.

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Sounds like you need some destress - you time, with that workload! Have you got an hour to spare where you can just have a bath, or take a swim in the ocean, yoga, meditate, get back in touch with your senses and relax? Is there any book or tv show you find inspirational?

Stay on track with your routine no matter how hard it seems, if you lose that you risk losing it all.

[4in1]

I have found facebook etc to be the fastest way to Downville, you prob be better off talking to people on here, at least here there is understanding from others with similar problems

[Becoming]

Originally Posted by Supanova

Sounds like you need some destress - you time, with that workload! Have you got an hour to spare where you can just have a bath, or take a swim in the ocean, yoga, meditate, get back in touch with your senses and relax? Is there any book or tv show you find inspirational?

Stay on track with your routine no matter how hard it seems, if you lose that you risk losing it all.

Some days I am lucky to have a bit of time to myself. Most often, if I have any, it will be at night right before bed.

I don't really read. But there are some TV shows on Netflix I like.

I usually feel guilty when I take time to myself during the day because I feel like I should be doing work.

I'm trying to at least get into a better sleeping routine because I know that helps a lot.

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