Dear Bipolar

So I came up with this idea for a blog post and I thought it might be cool to try it here. I wrote my bipolar a "dear john letter". This is what mine would say. How about yours? Let bipolar know just what you think and feel and then tell it to F-OFF It was a bit cathartic to me.

Dear Bipolar,

How long have we known each other? Several years, at least. And in all that time all you have done is cause me problems. I wish you would stop following me around. I guess the old adage is true, misery loves company.

I think we should break up and go our separate ways. Because the truth is- I hate you. I hate how you make me feel and I hate how whenever I take 2 steps forward you are always there to push me 3 steps back. I hate how my inner voice has been squashed and replaced by your misleading, persuasive tones. Mostly, I don't like who I am when you're around. I want the old me back and that can't happen if you keep haunting me.

So let's just say goodbye now. There is no need to drag this thing out for months or years. Feel free to go find someone else. I won't be jealous and trust me when I say this, I won't ever want you back.

Sincerely,

Megan

PS- it's not me, it's you

Nicely done. I can feel the struggle. I go through that too sometimes.

Here's mine.

Dear Bipolar,

I don't know why you chose me. You weren't something I asked for and sometimes you make me feel crazy. You're a physical illness and you exhibit yourself in the most terrible mental ways. You are out of control.

Bipolar, I would like my life back. For over four years, you have been confirmed. The doctors said you were in my mind. Too young to realize the gravity of the situation, I hid from you. I took my medicine. You calmed down, but you still wreaked havoc on so many areas of my life. Finally, I woke up. I told you "you will not control me any longer!" I told you "get out of here!"

And for a while, you and I were like a team. We'd come to a truce and you'd quiet down if I asked you to. You'd quiet down if I promised I'd sleep enough and take my medicine. You'd quiet down if we could eat right and drink right. You told me that we could be okay...that I could have my life back. But one day you broke your terms and you took control again.

I never know when you're going to control me. I tell you that you don't control me, but you insist that you do. I cannot always get a grip on you.
I can accept you're a part of me. You're just one flaw. You're just one challenge in my life. But you, Bipolar, you are the biggest challenge and you are one I cannot always win.

Sincerely,
Becoming

Dear Bipolar,

Dear Bipolar,

F**k YOU! I have had enough of your 'friendship'. You always offer so much more than you deliver. I want my life back, my health back, my friends back - I WANT MYSELF BACK!! Without you there is so much more that I can accomplish and although I will miss you a little bit the best thing for us both is that we permanently separate. Goodbye, Wander

Dear Bipolar,

Let the door hit you in the *** on the way out!

Sincerely,
Mrs. Mania

Dear bipolar,

You always tell me how great things will be when we finally get to where we're going if I will just have little more faith but you always let me down and leave me in the hospital. You're the reason why I have to take medicine every morning and every night. You told me I could be great, I could be the best and instead I've lost all my friends, I've gained weight and I'm alone. I hate you more than any one thing in my life. I lost the love of my life because of you. You never announce yourself, you just let yourself in whenever you want and destroy everything I've built and then leave when you want. I hate you more than I've ever hated anything or anyone. If I could kill something it would be you.

Dear Bipolar:

You stole my life---my job, my home, my social status. I want them back.

Sincerely,

BipolaRNurse

Bipolar,

Sorry I can't say I consider you dear enough to add that word to anything associated with you.

You've read all the posts and it means **** to you. Why do you insist on insinuating yourself into everything in everyone's lives? Don't you get the message?? We reject you! You've caused us to be rejected on so many levels, yet you think you'd be welcomed among us? Hate to say it, but get the message and take a hike. Go straight to hell. You've put us there so many times. Go to the 10th circle and see if you survive.

Yeah, we're beating your ***. You think you're above it all, but actually we have a legion of followers that have survived, like the Borg we're drawing strength from each other.

Your days are numbered.

Bipolar,
You have been interfering in my life since I was a teen. You talked me into crazy situations & to take ridiculous chances & risks. No one has ever manipulated & mind#%@$%* me the way you have. When I was 18 you talked me into saying yes to a marriage with someone I had known for a month & they were 10 years older than me. I wasted 25 *&#@!% years of my life in that mess. You have manipulated me into quitting jobs on the spur of the moment leaving flaming bridges behind me. You have kept me up for days and with your racing, lying thoughts swirling through my poor brain. Any horrific embarrassing time in my life you were right there pushing all the right buttons. You have gotten me hurt & almost killed many times by severely screwing around with my judgement. You caused me to ruin my credit, file bankruptcy, have my car repossessed, ruined friendships & hurt people all while telling me go ahead & do it it's ok-you'll get away with it. I loathe what I have done while under your influence. But guess what you @#!%$! bully-you're not in charge anymore-I am. I have an absolute arsenal of coping skills to blast you into the stratosphere, a loving & supportive husband & daughter, an amazing mental health team & medication to end your reign of terror. #@!% off bipolar-I hate you & although I may struggle you will NEVER take over my life again. You pathetic loser.

Sincerely,
Turtlesoup

Dear bipolar,
I know we are just starting to get to know each other, but I've felt you with me for as long as I can remember. I tried so incredibly hard to ignore you,and I wish I could go back to those days. I wish I could have kept my eyes closed forever, but of course you wouldn't let me. You increasingly complicate my life and rob me of my sense of self. The more of you I choose to see, the more of me just slips away. I take a fistful of pills everyday to SHUT YOU UP. Not only does that not work, but it also strips me of emotion, adds pimples and pounds and costs me buckets of money. It's my sincerest hope that we can learn to coexist. I didn't ask for you, but I want to find out how to accept you. Please stop torturing me. Please stop using my body to do insane irrational things. Please take your intrusive thoughts and your desperation and beat it. Please let me be peaceful and loving with the people in my life, myself included. Can't we all just get along?
-furiousfever-

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

BP.....You make me wish I had never been born.

These are awesome! If only bipolar was a person so we all could kick it's *****. Stay strong guys!

Dear Bipolar,
It seems you get a pretty bad rap. Truth is, I don't mind so much. When you first showed up, you didn't introduce yourself, but for once in my life I actually believed in myself. I had confidence that I could accomplish my goals. I started seeing the world as a beautiful place instead of the shithole that it is. I believed in something that came from within me instead of trying to force myself to believe in whatever everyone else has been trying to force me to believe in all of my life. For a week, everything made perfect sense and I knew true peace. But then the confidence you gave me started becoming too much for those around me. They did all they could to take you away. They yelled at me every thirty minutes all night long because I wasn't falling asleep fast enough for them. They got me all worked up and had me go to the hospital when all I really wanted to do was sleep since it was the first time I had been tired in about a week. Then at the hospital they put me in this creepy *** room that only had this recliner made of plastic and a clock to stare at in it, instead of in a normal emergency room with a bed with a sheet and a blanket in it so I would at least be comfortable like any other ER patient. Then when I got uncomfortable sitting by myself in that room for too long and I got up to leave and go to my home which was in walking distance, they locked me in the hospital and stood in front of me so I couldn't go anywhere. When I said that they legally couldn't hold me there against my will, they ignored my rights and kept me anyway. Then when I started crying for someone to help me, they told me I needed to be quiet because there were patients there that were having heart trouble. They didn't give a shot about the heart trouble I was having. They just called security and had me dragged back to my room. Then they forced me into rolling over and pulling down my pants in front of five people because I realized if I didn't, they would hold me down and do it by force anyway since they were ignoring my requests to be orally sedated instead. They took me to the mental hospital by ambulance instead of letting my husband take me and charged me $400 for a 3-mile ride. The folks at that hospital were nicer but they let me out after a night without much of an explanation other than 'I hope this isn't the beginnings of Bipolar Disorder'. The other patients there, however, were a godsend. They were the only ones aside from you who actually understood what I was going through. They made me feel accepted and welcome.

After that didn't get much better. I had to go back to counseling, and the counselor forgot to do my treatment plan for the second time. So all we did was talk about things that made me sad again. She couldn't even give me a straight diagnosis other than 'sounds like you might be bipolar'. So I went and spent my time and money there for six months until we decided not to see each other anymore and then she decides to tell me that she doesn't know if I have bipolar, that she's not a good diagnostician. So all I got that was really helpful was a script for Seroquel to help me sleep. But now all I want to do is sleep.

But I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at society for saying it's not okay to be me. For forcing sedatives on me until I'm not me anymore. And for telling me what I can't be, but then when I ask for help to be what I should be, I get nothing. I'm tired of society expecting me to stick my neck out all the time, to go the extra mile, but then when I need something I get treated like ****. I hate that they made me doubt myself. I hate that I'm $60k in debt because I attempted to become a counselor myself before all this went down, and now I have no faith in the system or in myself, but I have no choice but to continue on this path because the loans are what pays most of the bills.

I just miss you and want you to come back and make me believe in myself again. But I know that if and when that happens, people will be right there to bring me back down again.