[secretgalaxy]

I can't sleep because I feel like people/cameras are watching me all the time. And for some reason, I feel like the darker the room, the more they can see. I had a hallucination a few days ago that a man came out of the mirror and choked me, so all reflections are now portholes to new worlds. Sometimes I can feel the eyes, or see something move in the TV's reflection, but most of the time it is fine. I have hoarded all my dogs into my room and have two on my bed. One of them wouldn't leave me alone all night and and is constantly trying to be close to me. Maybe she feels the cameras too. It is getting harder and harder to live a normal life with so much pressure to perform perfectly. Does anyone else ever feel like they are being watch constantly? What have you done to stop the feelings?

[Blue_Bird]

I have felt like this before, I have Schizoaffective Disorder. Try to challenge the thoughts, why would someone be watching you specifically when there are billions of people in the world and even if someone was watching, then they're the ones with problems, and most people's lives aren't that entertaining

[secretgalaxy]

I am just very manic at the moment and it is just driving me crazy that there could be people watching me. I feel like the people watching are the ones who gave me my energy and they want to make sure I am using it correctly, which I don't think I am... Thanks for the tip, I will definitely start talking back to the thoughts!

[fingers1]

Hi all !

Yes I believed that the girl sharing my house was a police woman sent to
watch me. It feels so real at the time its very disturbing.
when after time you realise you were not stable and it was just your
paranoid mind it just seems ridiculous.
But it seems so real at the time.

fingers1

[secretgalaxy]

Originally Posted by fingers1

Hi all !

Yes I believed that the girl sharing my house was a police woman sent to
watch me. It feels so real at the time its very disturbing.
when after time you realise you were not stable and it was just your
paranoid mind it just seems ridiculous.
But it seems so real at the time.

fingers1

Exactly! I know it isn't real but at the same time I can't stop and at night it gets so real, I start hallucinating. During the day it isn't that bad, but in the back of my mind I still feel like it is real.

[A Red Panda]

Nope I've never had any form of delusion, hallucination, paranoia, or psychosis.

Have you talked to your doctor? Are you taking an anti-psychotic? If not, you may want to do so to help.

In the mean time, keep up with challening your thoughts like you have been!

[chasms]

I know what you mean. Sometimes, especially when i shut my eyes, i feel like people are watching me when im alone. i see evil faces when my eyes are shut and have a bad feeling

[letsgogh]

Since going on meds I haven't felt that way but I used to get really paranoid thinking that people were watching me through electronic devices, laptop screen, phone tracking, etc. Also that people were standing outside shuttered windows trying to watch me sleep.
I used to take the battery out of my phone before I had an iPhone, and I cover my webcam but sometimes I feel like people are watching me through the screen (which I know in my head is impossible) or somehow watching my web activity or my computer screen.

I also once was convinced that my reflection was sentient and keeping me from passing into an alternate reality.

[JumpingJacks]

YES! I have felt that people were monitoring my every move and it's when my mania is moving into it's highest stages. I am getting very agitated and anxious at those times. I thought there were cameras in the vents in my rooms and in my car and that people in other cars knew what I had just typed into my phone. I thought there was a government plot against me. I think you are very very manic. I am too right now. I think you responded to one of my posts earlier. I am right there with you. I feel like people are watching me all the time. I haven't gotten to the point where I think there are the cameras yet. But I think we both need a med change fast!!! It's fun at first and then it gets bad. I hope you're okay

[secretgalaxy]

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

Nope I've never had any form of delusion, hallucination, paranoia, or psychosis.

Have you talked to your doctor? Are you taking an anti-psychotic? If not, you may want to do so to help.

In the mean time, keep up with challening your thoughts like you have been!

My pdoc tried to put me on abilify but that ended up making me way worse with terrible and scary hallucinations, crazy anger and even more manic. The only thing it did was knock me out at 9 every night. I had to stop once I started becoming abusive... I am seeing my pdoc on Thursday and will tell him. But I have gotten to the point that I feel like meds are just the government's way of controlling me, so I really don't want to take anything anymore.

[secretgalaxy]

Originally Posted by JumpingJacks

YES! I have felt that people were monitoring my every move and it's when my mania is moving into it's highest stages. I am getting very agitated and anxious at those times. I thought there were cameras in the vents in my rooms and in my car and that people in other cars knew what I had just typed into my phone. I thought there was a government plot against me. I think you are very very manic. I am too right now. I think you responded to one of my posts earlier. I am right there with you. I feel like people are watching me all the time. I haven't gotten to the point where I think there are the cameras yet. But I think we both need a med change fast!!! It's fun at first and then it gets bad. I hope you're okay

Yea, I did! :P It was when I was having fun with this but now it feels like everyone and every thing is trying to get me or knows everything about me. I can't turn off my TV at night because the dark reflection is an evil world and I see shadows move in it. I have had the camera thing since I go out of the hospital 4 weeks ago. I feel like I might be going back soon as they know I am not coping well. I hope that you get help soon too and get stable! I will eventually, hopefully, lol.

[Becoming]

I feel this in a minor way from time to time.

Usually I cannot leave my building without thinking people in their cars are staring at me or following me.

Other times I go to the cafe at college and think everyone is watching me. I start wondering if it's cause I'm pretty or if I'm ugly, but sometimes I really think it is true they are watching.

Once in a blue moon I will see a dark shadow out of the corner of my eye or hear someone calling my name faintly. That freaks me out, but then I shrug it off and go on with my day/night.

[A Red Panda]

Originally Posted by secretgalaxy

My pdoc tried to put me on abilify but that ended up making me way worse with terrible and scary hallucinations, crazy anger and even more manic. The only thing it did was knock me out at 9 every night. I had to stop once I started becoming abusive... I am seeing my pdoc on Thursday and will tell him. But I have gotten to the point that I feel like meds are just the government's way of controlling me, so I really don't want to take anything anymore.

The thought the the government is controlling you is sorta part of the delusion/hallucination/paranoia thing

That REALLY sucks that Abilify made things worse for you! There are more options though, why not resesarch and read up on some of the different antipsychotics so that you can form your opinions of each before seeing the pdoc?

[secretgalaxy]

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

The thought the the government is controlling you is sorta part of the delusion/hallucination/paranoia thing

That REALLY sucks that Abilify made things worse for you! There are more options though, why not resesarch and read up on some of the different antipsychotics so that you can form your opinions of each before seeing the pdoc?

I will definitely look into different medicines and see what they have! I never thought of that, as I felt my pdoc should know what to do :P Thanks for the advice!

EDIT: I looked at a few medicines and I think I will ask him about Saphris and/or latuda, as they seem to have the least side effects and don't cause akathisia or agitation. I also think adding an as-needed anti-anxiety or something similar to that will help me stay calmer as I am a very anxious person.

[fingers1]

Hi Secret !

5mg of olanzapine a day fixed all the Psychosis and paranoia for me

ask your pdoc if you can try it.

fingers1

[secretgalaxy]

Originally Posted by fingers1

Hi Secret !

5mg of olanzapine a day fixed all the Psychosis and paranoia for me

ask your pdoc if you can try it.

fingers1

I was actually looking at olanzapine as a choice right after I posted about the other two! Thanks for the information, I will definitely talk to him about it

[Imah]

I have bipolar 1. I am manic more then depressive. I don't know if this is why the hallucinations are higher for me then for some others. I do experience what you are experiencing. I have had the delusional aspect of bipolar greatly reduce since starting Trileptal.

--------------

I survive my delusional thinking by threading the irrational thought into my belief system. I don't think Doctors would suggest this as therapy though. But for me, being untreated it was survival. For me, the watchers aren't malevolent. They gave us this great gift of insight because we can handle being connected to all things, places, dimensions and understandings. Interpret less with your brain whether things are normal or not, and embrace that you are loving and not mean, and wonderful and loved and you will see nothing wants to hurt you. This is just my suggestion through the hard moments. I remember that your parent is working (a little objectively but still is) working with getting you all the help you need.

Also, the dog is trying to let you know that you are safe. Whether those things that happen are real or not, you are definitely safe. Anything that wants to hurt would have done it before you were aware what was going on. The guy in the mirror wanted a hug. Stuff like that. Warp the world of your imagination into a happy place. That much, you CAN control.

Best of luck to us all.

[secretgalaxy]

Originally Posted by Imah

I have bipolar 1. I am manic more then depressive. I don't know if this is why the hallucinations are higher for me then for some others. I do experience what you are experiencing. I have had the delusional aspect of bipolar greatly reduce since starting Trileptal.

--------------

I survive my delusional thinking by threading the irrational thought into my belief system. I don't think Doctors would suggest this as therapy though. But for me, being untreated it was survival. For me, the watchers aren't malevolent. They gave us this great gift of insight because we can handle being connected to all things, places, dimensions and understandings. Interpret less with your brain whether things are normal or not, and embrace that you are loving and not mean, and wonderful and loved and you will see nothing wants to hurt you. This is just my suggestion through the hard moments. I remember that your parent is working (a little objectively but still is) working with getting you all the help you need.

Also, the dog is trying to let you know that you are safe. Whether those things that happen are real or not, you are definitely safe. Anything that wants to hurt would have done it before you were aware what was going on. The guy in the mirror wanted a hug. Stuff like that. Warp the world of your imagination into a happy place. That much, you CAN control.

Best of luck to us all.

Thanks for all the advice! Actually today was very eventful because at my school, someone used my school email to send an threatening email to the whole school, so it kind of proves that people are after me :P I am not in trouble but now I am even more paranoid that my beliefs are true because of this... What should I do about this?

Also I had a ton of hallucinations last night, more and worse than any other night. One was of a demon pressing on me (or giving me a massage :P ), there was a camera in the corner of my room, a person at my window ( I am in a second story apartment), and after my mom came to sleep with me because I would not turn off my light or TV (The TV is a dark portal), a person kept leaning over my bed and staring at me... I just feel like I am going crazy...

Imah, I will definitely try to use your tips the next time I see something!

[franticpanda]

I always feel like there is someone 'there' if that makes sense. Not necessarily watching, but if I'm by myself at home, I feel like someone can hear me or if I'm driving, it always feels like there's someone behind me judging each move I make.

[Imah]

Originally Posted by secretgalaxy

Thanks for all the advice! Actually today was very eventful because at my school, someone used my school email to send an threatening email to the whole school, so it kind of proves that people are after me :P I am not in trouble but now I am even more paranoid that my beliefs are true because of this... What should I do about this?

Also I had a ton of hallucinations last night, more and worse than any other night. One was of a demon pressing on me (or giving me a massage :P ), there was a camera in the corner of my room, a person at my window ( I am in a second story apartment), and after my mom came to sleep with me because I would not turn off my light or TV (The TV is a dark portal), a person kept leaning over my bed and staring at me... I just feel like I am going crazy...

Imah, I will definitely try to use your tips the next time I see something!

LOL @ the tongue face in the first paragraph - the sentence seeming to cutely be saying, " seeeeee". I do stuff like that.

Continue doing what you are doing, filtering through the stuff and trying to determine what makes sense and what doesn't.

WRITE DOWN THE VARIOUS SYMPTOMS. Especially the most common, I took a notebook, drew a graph, on one side are my common symptoms - rage, psychic, obsess, over eat, hours of sleep and I write if I had a symptom by a scale. Your doctor will need to know, and its easy to forget during the appointment.

Also, I have learned if I see something escalating or de-escalating I can tell if I am going to be manic, or depressive and what might come with it. On one hand, its just keeping track, but on some level I have the feeling that I am working with it better. (more in control?)

Your episodes sound pretty rough. Since you know you can't get immediate treatment, or you don't want to be on drugs so strong your numb - I suggest beginning to be careful about what you eat. Avoid MSG - Caffiene - sugar. Try to eat more natural foods, keep as close to a good schedule as possible (I know you have trouble sleeping) - exercise, etc. Lots of water, try to become as clean as possible to aid the transitions.

Also, you are so lucky to be working so well with this so young! You have such a great opportunity to learn good communication skills to help your family, friends and relationships understand what is and what is not their responsibility.

I am a mom, we worry. Even though your mom wants you to not talk to her about everything, and keep trying your best, she is vastly worried I am sure about how you are. She will want to continue denying the extent of the illness for awhile. We moms blame ourselves for everything. So don't just share with her things to freak her out. Share also what you are learning, and the positive progress the medical profession and the talking to people have on the illness and on yourself.

-----
Examples, " Mom - I know this is scary for you as it is for me, and all these thoughts I have sometimes I just need to tell you _____. Need you to know I love you and I am lucky to have a supportive parent helping me to learn to cope. It is common to have the extremes begin in adolescence and I am glad that I can share with you. I need you to respect me and know I am not making stuff up, that I am scare and fascinated. That I want to do the best I can to have a good and happy life and I have more to learn about how to achieve this then others. That I will work with professionals who we can learn to trust. I will need you to believe me if I say a doctor or a med isn't working for me. Professionals need to be there to guide us, but only I can really decide for myself if someone or some thing is not working.
-------

Talk to your folks on some of these topics and they will feel less like you are out of control. They need to know that just because you have a mental illness doesn't mean you have lost your intelligence.

[secretgalaxy]

Originally Posted by Imah

LOL @ the tongue face in the first paragraph - the sentence seeming to cutely be saying, " seeeeee". I do stuff like that.

Continue doing what you are doing, filtering through the stuff and trying to determine what makes sense and what doesn't.

WRITE DOWN THE VARIOUS SYMPTOMS. Especially the most common, I took a notebook, drew a graph, on one side are my common symptoms - rage, psychic, obsess, over eat, hours of sleep and I write if I had a symptom by a scale. Your doctor will need to know, and its easy to forget during the appointment.

Also, I have learned if I see something escalating or de-escalating I can tell if I am going to be manic, or depressive and what might come with it. On one hand, its just keeping track, but on some level I have the feeling that I am working with it better. (more in control?)

Your episodes sound pretty rough. Since you know you can't get immediate treatment, or you don't want to be on drugs so strong your numb - I suggest beginning to be careful about what you eat. Avoid MSG - Caffiene - sugar. Try to eat more natural foods, keep as close to a good schedule as possible (I know you have trouble sleeping) - exercise, etc. Lots of water, try to become as clean as possible to aid the transitions.

Also, you are so lucky to be working so well with this so young! You have such a great opportunity to learn good communication skills to help your family, friends and relationships understand what is and what is not their responsibility.

I am a mom, we worry. Even though your mom wants you to not talk to her about everything, and keep trying your best, she is vastly worried I am sure about how you are. She will want to continue denying the extent of the illness for awhile. We moms blame ourselves for everything. So don't just share with her things to freak her out. Share also what you are learning, and the positive progress the medical profession and the talking to people have on the illness and on yourself.

-----
Examples, " Mom - I know this is scary for you as it is for me, and all these thoughts I have sometimes I just need to tell you _____. Need you to know I love you and I am lucky to have a supportive parent helping me to learn to cope. It is common to have the extremes begin in adolescence and I am glad that I can share with you. I need you to respect me and know I am not making stuff up, that I am scare and fascinated. That I want to do the best I can to have a good and happy life and I have more to learn about how to achieve this then others. That I will work with professionals who we can learn to trust. I will need you to believe me if I say a doctor or a med isn't working for me. Professionals need to be there to guide us, but only I can really decide for myself if someone or some thing is not working.
-------

Talk to your folks on some of these topics and they will feel less like you are out of control. They need to know that just because you have a mental illness doesn't mean you have lost your intelligence.

Thank you for all this advice!! I am very new with this and this is my first mania so I really don't know what I am doing, haha. I am glad that I am young and have so much support with me, as it has made it easier. I will definitely start a notebook tonight and have a few scales that show my level of energy, how much sleep I am getting, rage (pretty bad lately), etc. to give to my pdoc on Thursday.

I know I am suppose to really regulate sugar and caffeine, but lately, that has been my obsession, so I am consuming quite a lot this week. I had a ton of energy before it, but with it, I don't know, it increases it a lot, but I like the buzz I get from it, it that makes sense. Without the caffeine, I am an angry, raging lunatic that won't sleep. With it, I am an energetic clown, haha. I feel it makes it easier on the me and the family to deal with the second one. Thankfully, I have a good exercise routine with my dog (was biking 10-15 miles over the summer during a hypomania/mania) and since I am in physical therapy, I have a lot of exercises I am doing. Plus, I have to watch my weight because of my AD (which is what caused all this).

My mom have been talking a lot lately, and I have been explaining to her the facts and how this isn't possibly her fault. She is understanding not to belittle my beliefs, hallucinations, etc. and just listen. I am trying to help her by telling her I love her and love how supportive she has been, but at times, I can be an idiot from the disorder... She is so sweet and I can tell she is really trying her hardest to understand and to do her best.

Thank you for the example as well. Thankfully we had one of those already, but we are still pretty new with all this communication thing, haha. I went to a hospital the beginning of January for depression and ever since them, we have been trying to work more together to communicate. It has been very successful!

I will be using all of your advice and thank you so much for all you wrote!

[Imah]

This difficult illness can end up being a good thing. It opens up opportunity to learn so much about people, relationships, why we tick. If we take it slow, try to avoid huge impulsive decisions while on either end of the spectrum, there is NO reason we cannot live happy, happy, lovely, wonderful lives.

Best of luck to us all.

[unikitty]

I tend to think that I have my own personal focus group that tracks everything I do online. I even sometimes get a mental image of what they possibly look like, a bunch of people huddled around a computer in an office trying to figure out amongst themselves why I went from watching videos of babies eating lemons to searching for how to make tequila sunrise. I know it can't be real, but I still get paranoid about it.

[secretgalaxy]

Originally Posted by unikitty

I tend to think that I have my own personal focus group that tracks everything I do online. I even sometimes get a mental image of what they possibly look like, a bunch of people huddled around a computer in an office trying to figure out amongst themselves why I went from watching videos of babies eating lemons to searching for how to make tequila sunrise. I know it can't be real, but I still get paranoid about it.

That is interesting! Thanks for sharing! I feel like I have a group of people assigned to my "case" and have one person follow me and have cameras everywhere I go and everything I do (including the internet). It's hard to shake the thoughts even though I feel it can't be true, there is a possibility it is.

[HALLIEBETH87]

I do. And I'm afraid people are trying to get my information in waiting rooms and talking about me etc. The Dr ip told me I gave paranoia but I don't know.