[UpDownMiddleGround]

My pdoc gives me this chart to use. I'd just like to say, that system is so flawed. The scale is 1-20 with middle ground being a 9-10. I cant tell if i'm up or down. Can't tell if i'm an 11 or a 13 (a little pep v. Racing thoughts, less sleep than usual). And somewhere around 16, who is charting? 16/17 are too close to 20 which equals going to the hospital. And who decided 20 was high enough anyway? Haven't been to the hospital and I'm not going. EVER!! They get you in the hospital and they give you whatever they want to. I know they do because i went through emergency and ended up staying for a physical reason. They started throwing all of these tests at me and all of these decisions to make and they were going too fast and i couldn't keep up. Then a bunch of people came in and the next thing i knew, i was calm. All I needed them to do was slow the **** down so I could keep up. Took me six months to realize that they put something in my IV. And my best friend was in the room watching. My husband. . .no where to be found . . ."at work." No one warned me, or asked for my consent. I'm certainly not going for head reasons.nope, don't trust them.

What about when i wake up in the morning feeling one way and feel the other way before i go to bed? No where does it describe the symptom of "i'm griping and about to curse out everybody who pisses me off today."

Stupid solutions: developing a routine because that is supposed to help, Eat healthy stuff because that is supposed to help. Exercise because that is supposed to help, Meditate (for me pray) because that is supposed to help, Take your meds because that is supposed to help. Well none of it helps.

I find myself sitting at my desk, trying to muster up a thought. I work in a job that involves problem solving. I used to hover at 11 or so, you know, before i was diagnosed, so i could problem solve at the drop of a hat. Now i find myself anxious with fleeting thoughts or slow as **** with no thought. So I'm on the phone with people and i can't come up with simple solutions. Can't follow the conversation, cant work through my list of things to do, cant make a **** list to start with. I worry and pray myself all the way to a meeting, through my day. I hide in my office because I don't want to be around people. I pray that i can get through the meeting without tearing up or becoming obviously overwhelmed. And when i am in a meeting, i am THE problem solver.

The solution, **** it all and go to bed. That's what helps. I can meditate from bed. In fact when I am in my bed with no lights, no sound, I'm at peace with however I feel. No matter how low I go. CHART THAT! He can take his chart and shove it up his ***. There he can find whatever number he wants and prescribe something that will help. Then he can take the **** and see if it makes his number a 9 or a 10.

I'm tired of going to T appointments too. I have been going every week forever. On that day, it helps to talk. In that moment, that hour, it helps to talk. Well what about the 167 hours between appointments. This is stupid. I can't handle today. I just want to cry. This x/y axis chart need a z. My life is 3D. My pdoc doesn't get it, my T says, well anyone who is going through a divorce can feel like this. She ties everything back to that. I am not sitting around thinking about my ex all of the time. I cant even think! Why would i waste a thought on him when i am trying to find one to get through my current situation without tears?

I want to go to bed. **** work. Took my meds. . . woke up all night. . . Ready to cry. . . Overwhelmed and the day hasn't started. CHART THAT Great- And -Wonderful pdoc with all the ******* answers, because that will help. Bull****.

[bipolarman]

Those charts are just rubbish mostly aren't they? I've stopped filling them in now, I prefer to tell the doctor how I felt in a particular instance.

But with ultra rapid cycling I have to do that as I may well be experiencing mania when visiting the physician when I experienced depression on first making the appointment.

Wow 1-20? 1-10 is the norm. It took me awhile to assign my mood to a 1-10 scale. Once I felt that I knew what each number represented, charting got easier. I'd just treat it like a 1-10 scale with an option to give or take 1. Lol.

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi UpDownMiddleGround,

I understand what you are saying about the number system of 1-20 and how close can you go towards 20 and you don't want to be in hospital. My pdoc normally uses the 1-10 scale. Guess I just plot things anywhere really.

But the add on would be if I"ve been severely manic I would have forgotten to even plot and I would have been looking for "Where's 25? My mood is 25? Who the hell left 25 off this list?"

And if I was depressed? I'd be like "Stuff you mood chart" *throws said mood chart in the bin.

I don't know.

I think you've expressed a lot of emotions in your posts and it would be good for your pdoc to hear your opinion on all of this too.

Please take care of yourself.

[~Christina]

I'm sorry that you are just beyond frustrated. Charting moods can be very helpful for you and your Pdoc, But right now , your not able to even figure out where you could even be at. So don't. Is your T not helpful? Your T should be helping you learn coping skills and ways to find balance in your life.

I chart my moods on paper, mine is a 1-10 scale. Or many people use mood chart apps on there phones.

If your T and Pdoc arent helping , maybe you need to find a new treatment team .

I hope you find some relief soon

[UpDownMiddleGround]

I made it through the day. Prayed on the way to work. Listened to a good playlist. I was a little distant today, but I'm confident in the decisions that I made. Tired but wired.

Last month was the first time I charted everyday for the whole month. I have not been back to my pdoc yet. The problem is when I don't fill it in, i don't remember how the weeks have been. I think my biggest frustration is that the chart does't fit my moods unless I'm middle ground. I need an app that will allow me to check off symptoms and it assign a number.

I think my biggest frustration is that i just feel how i feel and I don't know if i'm up or down. I just know that the promise of my day slips away in front of my eyes. There is no number that can express that.

Hooligan, you said exactly how I feel. I always feel so frustrated with the idea that the chart doesn't include {all real numbers}. I totally think there should be a 25 and negative numbers.

I really don't know what info is useful and what is just me going overboard. Today it feels like no one is listening (in my physical world). If i can get my thoughts together for my T and pdoc appointments next week, i will express them. I worry so much that i feel like i get in there and my thoughts over run themselves. They tend go from a neatly typed page to a scrabble board dropped on the floor. I'm middle ground when I walk in and can't remember how bad it's been. When I feel the way I feel. I just feel that way. When I feel a different way. I forget how that way felt.

Anyways, thanks for the support.

[Nammu]

Maybe you should just print out your post and. Give it to the Pdoc along with his chart.

I will never name a mood (10) because I know it can be so much worse. Just a thought.

I hate it too. I have turned in maybe a few weeks of moods in the last several years.

My psych is frustrated but said it is common.

I agree with Always changing. It can always get worse.

I hate charting. I have an app for that. I charted for my first pdoc. I made a spreadsheet 10 pages long with dates and colorful segment lines...and he looked at me like I was an idiot. I pick winners.

It's not easy to open a spreadsheet (at least for me) and create a day by day chart with illustrations. I worked at it dammit for the best presentation possible. Of course it was the pdoc that dosed me on AD that sent me on a 2 year tailspin!

Even today I start a few days then whatever. I known when I'm nutz and when I'm not. I've even started a journal that I log an entry about once a week. Call me uncommitted. Important thing is when I walk in there I can tell him exactly what happened.