My job is a trigger

My job is one of my triggers. I am totally MISERABLE at my job. Starting on Sunday evening (starting early afternoon) I go into a manic/depressive mode. I watch the clock tick closer to Monday morning when I will have to go back into "that place". The later it gets, the closer to Monday morning, the worse the symptoms get, the more anxious I get - add palpitations. Now it's Sunday evening and start the full blown depression. Start tears of worthlessness. I've been looking and applying for other jobs practically every day/night. The job market here is terrible. So far I've not had any SUPER big "episodes" at work....but I can feel that "storm" brewing in me...one can only "fake" it, and hold it together for so long.... it feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest and more and more are being stack on and my throat is being squeezed.

I couldn't read your whole post because I cant concentrate well... but I can relate. I worked a job for 4 years and it was my #1 trigger. I eventually made the choice to leave it. It was a good move for me.

I really hope things get more under control for you. Its hard to keep going back into a job knowing its going to be difficult.

I've come SO close to just clearing off my desk and walking off. But #1 I've got very strong work ethics. #2, I'm already only working part time (so I can get to my appt's every week), and can't pay my bills. I can't afford to not work at all. But I don't know how much more I'll be able to take....

Work is a trigger for me. This is the second time in a year its sent me inpatient for weeks. But I put so much into that place, its my life and I really love the work, just not loving the people I work with right now.... They've called me irrational and insane but the nurses, pdoc and friends all say I am completely rational and definitely not insane, just distressed.

Have you tracked your thought process through the weekend? Maybe you can use some CBT to help alleviate the depression associated with the thoughts.

[quote=stressedmama;4301607]My job is one of my triggers. I am totally MISERABLE at my job. /quote]

Well, you already know you have to get out; good for you. In the meantime, why don't you go see your pdoc about proper medication to get you through the week in a better frame of mind?

I don't really have a particular "thought process" through the weekend. Of course I have other triggers, and could have other issues throughout the weekend. My job is just one of the major ones. And it's every Sunday, like clockwork. And I usually don't sleep that night because of it either.

I'm sorry, I'm not clear on what you mean by CBT.

Well, you already know you have to get out; good for you. In the meantime, why don't you go see your pdoc about proper medication to get you through the week in a better frame of mind?[/QUOTE]

I've been trying to find a P-doc in this city for MONTHS because I need a drastic total makeover on my meds. I finally settled for a therapist that I've started seeing that is in a group with a p-doc. But I have YET to see the actual doc. I called the office yesterday and asked if I have to go through the T to set up an appt with the p-doc, or if I can do that myself. They told me I have to be referred in by my therapist. I am in DESPERATE need of a med change, as my symptoms are getting critically worse/intensifying. I see the T tomorrow, I am going to insist on that referral.

Good for you! I think getting that med overhaul will be of great benefit to you; keep fighting for it!

Hi!

Hope today you will feel better. I just had a couple of questions regarding what's going on with you at work.
What's going on at work? Is it just the workplace you can't stand or how your co-workers interact with you and among themselves? Or is it just the overall environment and the stress associated with your work that's making you feel that way?

CBT is cognitive behavioral therapy and something EVERYONE with a mental illness should try. Start by trying to journal. Write down what you are concerned about, what thoughts are going on (cos I guarantee there are thoughts associated with this anxiety/depression). Then you challenge those those thoughts, turn them into something positive. That is just a very brief outline, if you'd like more info feel free to PM me cos over and over again I spend an hour writing out a post to help someone and dont get so much as a thanks but am still willing to help if you want it.

My job was a trigger and I worked for USAF. I never met such petty, cheap, non-constructive, arrogant people before. Acted worse than teenagers.

There is a call center in my city too. I know at least three people who worked at it without mental illnesses who either had breakdowns while at work (one guy just ran out of the building and just kept running even though his car was in the parking lot) or developed some sort of depression. It is not you, it is the job. Just keep that in mind. I'm glad that you are taking steps to get out of this situation. It seems like 60% of people in the world are jerks, so it is hard to avoid them. I understand not being able to quit until you have another job. Keep trying and you are bound to get something else eventually. Every week you are one step closer to getting out. Where I live, the economy is getting better and better. Hopefully the same is happening in your town as well. Keep us posted on how it's going for you.

For the past 12 years I've worked clinical in an ER. I left that in May last year. I wanted out of the medical field then. But because that's all I've had for experience (for the most part) I have had a really hard time finding any other type of work. In July 2014 I started this job, at a call center for the biggest medical providers in the city doing scheduling. I didn't mind it at first, except learning to be up during the day was really hard (I've only worked nights for those previous 12 years). Then I got to really know the place...and my boss. #1 I should have known I wasn't going to like the job. I'm not one to just sit. That's why I thrived so well in the ER. It's constant running, always something different every 5 minutes etc. Here I'm stuck at my desk taking call after call after call blah blah blah. #2 The company itself goes against my morals/ethics as far as how patients are treated. I don't feel like they give a damn about their patients. #3 the amount of narcotics that these patients are on is OUT OF CONTROL. It's no wonder there is such a rx drug problem out there. These PCP's are handing out MULTIPLE class II narcotics in high quantities to these people. #4 My boss is the most passive aggressive, fakest person I've ever met in my life. And a horrible manager. #5 With the way the medical field is going I want out even MORE so now that I see how things are on THIS side (the clerical end vs the clinical side). # 6 SO not competitive with the wages. HUGE pay cut vs where I was before.
Fingers crossed though - I was contacted today by two places that I submitted my resume to.....

my job was the cause of my "issue" that resulted in an inpatient and bp dx...I have to play games with myself to survive... I run service so different every ticket all day every day,,, I never let myself know what I will be doing the next day so I can sleep without anixety ... I try to find the things at each site I enjoy "talking to the people ect..." and try to not worry about the work..in the am I dream about breakfast, next I look foward to lunch, then on the way home....I break the day into small bits giving myself these "treats" to make it bearable...may not work in your job but maybe you can find something to ease the stress,,make it a game ect...good luck

Why did you leave the ER?

The 6 months to a year I was there we had quite a few really horrific cases come through our doors. Mostly involving kids. After 12 years of doing it, I didn't want to do it anymore. I've seen too many things that people should never have to see. I just got burnt out.

Thank you for your offer. I might take you up on that. I have been thinking about journaling. It's crossed my mind quite a few times, especially over the last few weeks. Maybe I'll get a "special notebook" and some "special pens" this weekend and get to it.

Thanks for the explanation on CBT too.

I got some things to start journaling today. I couldn't decide what type I wanted (lined vs not, etc) so I bought a pink (I'm a pink addict) 3 subject notebook, and a pink zipper binder, and I want to get a spiral sketch pad w/ heavier paper to "doodle" in. I'll keep everything in the zipper binder. OH, and I got some pens (also a pen freak. lol) I've been cutting up magazines tonight and taping them to the notebook personalizing the cover. Thanks again for the idea.

Just saw this and thought of this thread lol.

^^Ha!! So true!!