What about bipolar do you hate the most?

The disconnected feeling I get and the lack of feeling happy consistently.

I hate the camping on the couch for days, wearing the same clothes, no make up, and junk comfort food that doesn't work but make me feel worst.

The cognitive dysfunction I experience at all times, even during euthymia. I hate feeling like my thoughts are trapped inside a block of concrete that I have to pick at if I want to access them.

I also hate that I completely lose the ability to feel empathy and love for others when I'm depressed.

I hate that I make my family feel like they have to walk on eggshells around me. Also, that every time something stresses me out in my life, they turn into hawks and follow me around asking if I'm okay and to not forget to go to my appointments. -- I know it's done out of love, but I just wish they wouldn't worry so much.

I hate that the one I love is in a constant fear that I will go back into an episode and turn into the monster I am fully capable of being and completely incapable of holding back. I hate that he feels like he can't talk to me because he's afraid of triggering an irrational reaction.

I hate that even my little brother has started reminding me to take my meds if one of my med alarms go off and I don't charge for the pill bottle. -- Again, I know it's out of love and worrying, but I just want him to be my little brother and I don't want him to have to worry about his big sister going off the rails. I'm supposed to protect him, not the other way around.

It's so demeaning when people ask if you've taken your medicine or if you've been going to see the pdoc/therapist and they just don't get why I feel that way.

I hate that I'm not yet sure that I hate my bipolar.

I could go on, but I think I'll stop there.

I hate the depression it had me trapped in for a really long time. I hate that I can't just live a "normal" life.

Being a social outcast.

the predictable but still unpredictable slow decline into depression after a manic episode.

not sleeping......

That chaotic feelings and actions I have when in a stressful situation during mania. I guess they call it irritability!

The deep darkness of depression where it feels like you will never come out. The hopelessness and despair it brings.

I hear you Wander. That's the worst when you're in it. It feels like it will never end because it literally blacks out your vision of the future. You can't see yourself being any way other than the way you are because you've been there so long.

Sometimes its just the uncomfortable feelings that go with mood episodes. So for mania - irritation / anger I mean those aren't right.

For depression - anxiety and stuff like that.

Yeah doesn't feel great.

I feel alone.

Right now it is that I have to keep a regular schedule. I know it is super-important. But really, I don`t feel like going to bed on time, I don`t feel like eating right, I don`t feel like exercising. I don`t feel like going outside for a walk. UGH! I feel like that a lot. But I know that I have to be sensible and do just those things to keep myself somewhat together. But I don`t want to be sensible all the time. Vent, vent vent...

I definitely don't want to be sensible all the time. That's a big struggle for me too.

I hate the losses...I had to stop working in a career I loved and worked very hard to have. I had to decide to stop over 3 years ago and it still hurts every day. I fought so hard to keep working and then I just couldn't anymore. I don't really have friends anymore......I have lost so much cognitive function......basically I lost the life I liked and that I worked hard for many years to build.

Irrational thinking and irrational reactions.

Being afraid of hurting yourself and those around you.

Hiding things, pretending, avoiding the subject.

Having to medicate yourself just to do things that you know that you had no problem doing in the past.

Being unable to enjoy the things that you used to.

Having to even consider the decision of becoming a zombie to get your voices and rushing thoughts under control.

Knowing that those around you don't actually understand.

And the weight gain without having the will to fight it.

Hate it.

This pretty much sums up what I hate about it. Plus taking costly meds that I'm afraid the insurance folks will suddenly change to out of covered meds. I hate Just taking meds in general , what if something happens and I have no access to them, I'm going to go though a hell of withdrawl. I hate having to check in with dockers like I'm sick, but I'm not a patient, I'm a client!

I hate the glazed over look you get from close family and friends who are just worn out on what you have been going thru and putting them thru throughout the years.. in the beginning I had so many in my corner and fighting for me.. now most have passed or don't bother with me anymore.

It is easy to feel badly or concern for a physically disabled person but the intangibles of mental DI issues get glossed over a lot. So stigma, too, for me.

I hate it when anyone thinks and accuses you of faking for an excuse, attention, or acting.

All of these.

Having to take a benzo to be able to function where a number of people are. You know it's ridiculous but your brain didn't get the memo.

Oh, the meds. Also on lithium and I think it's taken the creative part of me away. It's just gone.

People who think you can stop "if you really wanted to" and say "you are using this as an excuse" and
Look down their crooked little noses and point their crooked little fingers as if they are something to behold and we are something to avoid.

I hate the fact that I think I am in control…..to later find out that i really seemed quite ridiculous.

I hate worrying about if I can't get meds any more that I got to suffer withdrawls. It has turned me into a pill hoarder, even skipping a dose every now and then to build up an emergency taping off bottle.