What about bipolar do you hate the most?

just not being completely happy

I don't know if I can pick just one thing.

1. the lack of scientific understanding and scientifically proven treatment options for bipolar. i.e. the med-go-round. I feel like a lab rat.

2. the lack of understanding from the community about what bipolar is and how it affects us, and the lack of empathy.

3. the depressions and the mixed episodes and having to try to pretend to be normal when I'm in absolute agony.

Mixed episode psychosis. Needing to be on meds.

Yes, the pretending is big. Look at me and I seem kinda giddy.Inside my brain is going hyper-speed.

The pretending is one of the most difficult parts. Exactly what ValentinaVVV said. I seem like I'm giddy or eccentric but I have a million things happening in my mind.

I hate the fact that I relapsed after 8 years of stability.

I hate waking up and not wanting to get out of bed. I hate the sadness. I hate the feeling that no one can help me.

I'm sick of the meds. I'm on Seroquel and I know that's good for me and we have basically done everything. It's the side effects, the sleeping 10-11 hours, the fact that I have to be knocked out because my mind just doesn't stop. Sleeping so long that I don't have time to spend with my husband because when I get up I have to shower and go straight to work for my ten hour shift. Waking up like a zombie and having to have caffeine, yet getting yelled at by the pdoc for the caffeine. I have to get to work and function at work. The weight. I already have to live with this BP and OCD and then this crap. Knowing that this is the way it will be forever, that's what is bothering me so much right now, this realization. Sorry for whining, it could be a lot worse and has been. It's just coming to terms with this.

Hurting everyone I love.. definitely the worst part.

I hate that it's something that everyone hates

I can't function when I have awful depressions or manias. I also hate not being able to sleep. but it's hypomania I hate the most. it tricks me into thinking that this is my normal self...that I am super woman and can accomplish everything I want and more. then I get either manic or depressed and I can't maintain this ideal image of myself. I've cycled though this so many times and hypomania always tricks me and I'm always disappointed when I realize it was just hypomania.

the thing I like the most about bipolar is that there are medications that brilliant scientists created to treat it, there are skilled therapists who know how to manage the behavioral side of bipolar, and forums like this one for extra support.

I've been in remission for 7 months now, for the first time ever, and it's from finding the right combination of medications and from adjusting my lifestyle. That's how I thought of my screen name... who knew?? It's a miracle.

I hate that I'm not my manicme. Yeah I do **** while being manic, but at least I go outside and I'm productive. My depressed normal me is just miserable.

Not being able to plan things in advance because I don't know whether I will be up or down.

All of it. I hate everything about bipolar.

Things I hate the most:
All the ruined relationships because I couldn't keep myself well. Sleeping around, the drugs, the alcohol. All the people I've hurt because I'm a horrible person when I'm hypo/manic.

The times when I know I'm losing control and I'm too careless to do anything about it.

Feeling like I'm treading on eggshells because my every move is being watched 'cause I'm "crazy".

The meds. The meds that I can't live with/ live without.

Finally, the irritation that THOSE moods bring.

I hate that the first 45 years of my life has been so wrong. I've been robbed.

The psychosis, the racing thoughts, the lack of energy, and not having a normal mind

I hate that my basic, everyday routine feels overwhelming.

I hate that too. Getting out of bed especially. I don't fall asleep until the sun comes up then I have to be up like 2-3 hours later, plus I have a med hangover from geodon. Then getting ready for school knowing I'm not prepared and that I have to face society head on, then scrambling to get ready for work, trying to remember to pack my meds so I won't have a meltdown day. Then getting home at around midnight and not being able to sleep despite so many sedating meds and sleep meds. Can't even bother with showering or brushing my teeth or putting on makeup or trying to look half decent. I haven't put on makeup in like 10 months. It's just too much to deal with on a daily basis.

I hate going to bed, sleeping kind of okay, and feeling exhausted the entire day. I hate that I have no energy to do anything.

Oh, and the lithium shakes/metal mouth. I fell down the stairs in the train a few days ago because of the shakes, and it's hard for me to ride a bike anymore.

I gave up on makeup. Especially when my meds were making my face break out like crazy. Now I only wear it on special occassions.

I hate having a million thoughts and to still be feeling bored. Trying to tame the dragon.

I hate not knowing if I can trust my decision making. I don't know if something is a good idea or if I am just making it sound like a good idea in the moment and will hate my decision later... Is that a bipolar thing!?

Uncontrollable rage

You bet! It's like I having 2 opposing opinions about everything! Since I cycle ultra rapid, I'm always changing my mind. My spouse says I make a lousy parent because I'm always changing my mind. I can't help it!

I hate how bipolar costs me a lot in legal fees.

I hate that it gives me the power to use logic on things that are simply, well, simple.

I can talk myself into spending a huge amount of money on a never ending search for happiness that never seems to be fulfilled no matter what I do. I hate how bp will have no regard for my credit cards or any money in my wallet. I hate how it will create an argument out of something that is not deserving. I hate how it makes me think of things that people would consider insane all while seeming perfectly logical to me.

Of course, I would change what I am for anything in the world. I am what I am and I have embraced me even though others may find me and that logic crazy.